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What Is Guilt Tripping?

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

damircudic / Getty Images

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Frequently Asked Questions

A guilt trip means causing another person to feel guilt or a sense of responsibility to change their behavior or take a specific action. Because guilt can be such a powerful motivator of human behavior, people can wield it as a tool to change how others think, feel, and behave. 

Sometimes this might involve leaning on something that someone already feels guilty about. In other cases, people might induce feelings of unjustified guilt or responsibility to manipulate the other person's emotions and behaviors.

If someone has ever made you feel bad about something you’ve done (or didn’t do) and then used those bad feelings to get you to do something for them, then you have experience with guilt tripping.

This article discusses the signs, types, and impact of guilt trips. It also covers some of the steps you can take to cope with this type of behavior.

Signs of a Guilt Trip

Guilt trips can be intentional, but they can also be unintentional. There are chances that you have even guilt-tripped people into doing things before.

Sometimes guilt tripping behavior can be easy to spot, but it can also be much more subtle and difficult to detect.  Some key signs that others may be guilt-tripping you include:

• Making comments suggesting that you have not done as much work as they have done
• Bringing up mistakes that you have made in the past
• Reminding you of favors they have performed for you in the past
• Acting as if they are angry but then denying that there is a problem
• Refusing to speak to you or giving you the silent treatment
• Making it clear through their body language , tone of voice, and facial expressions that they disapprove of what you were doing
• Suggesting that you “owe” them
• Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior
• Making sarcastic comments about your efforts or progress

It is important to note that this type of indirect communication can occur in any interpersonal relationship. Still, it is more likely to take place in relationships that are marked by close emotional connections.

It can show up in romantic relationships, but guilt trips may also be utilized in family relationships, parental relationships, and even work relationships.

Types of Guilt Tripping

There are many different types of guilt trips that people may utilize depending on the ultimate goal or purpose of the behavior. Some of the different purposes of a guilt trip include:

• Manipulation : Sometimes, the primary goal of a guilt trip is to manipulate someone into doing something that they normally would not want to do.  
• Conflict avoidance : In other cases, people may use guilt trips to avoid directly talking about an issue. It allows them to get what they want without having to engage in direct conflict.
• Moral education : Guilt trips can also be a way of getting someone to engage in a behavior that the individual feels is more moral or “right.”
• Elicit sympathy : In some cases, guilt-tripping allows the individual to gain the sympathy of others by casting themselves in the role of someone who has been harmed by the actions the other person is supposed to feel guilty about.

Guilt isn't always a bad thing. While often troubling and unpleasant, it can serve an important role in guiding moral behavior. When people experience guilt, they can fix their mistakes and avoid repeating the same errors in the future.

Researcher Courtney Humeny

A guilt trip does not appear to induce the benefits of guilt, such as making amends, honesty, and mutual understanding.

Impact of Guilt Trips

Invoking feelings of guilt to change someone’s behavior can have a wide variety of effects. Whether guilt is wielded intentionally or not, it prevents healthy communication and connections with others. Some of the most immediate effects of this form of covert psychological manipulation include:

Damage to Relationships

Research suggests that guilt trips can take a toll on close relationships. One study found that people hurt by their partner's criticism were more likely to use those hurt feelings to make their partner feel guilty and offer reassurances.

However, the study also found that the partner who had been guilt-tripped into offering assurances was more likely to feel significantly worse about the relationship.

In other words, inducing feelings of guilt may work to get your partner to do what you want—but it comes at a cost. It can impair trust and cause the other person to feel that they are being manipulated. 

One of the reasons why guilt trips can poison relationships is because they can lead to lasting feelings of resentment.

"A guilt trip imposes aversive states associated with guilt, along with feelings of resentment from feeling manipulated," Humeny suggests.

A single occasion of someone using a guilt trip to alter your behavior might not have a serious impact on your relationship. Repeated use of guilt trips can leave you feeling bitter.

If you feel that your partner is always going to guilt you into something that you don't want to do, it can decrease intimacy, reduce emotional closeness, and ultimately make you start to resent your partner.

Research suggests that appeals to guilt are a common type of persuasion technique . However, while guilt can compel people to take certain actions, it can also sometimes backfire.

Low-level guilt tends to motivate people to act on the persuasive message. High levels of guilt, however, often fail due to what researchers call "reactance." 

"An individual in a state of reactance will behave in such a way as to restore his freedom (or, at least, his sense of freedom), for example, by performing behaviors that are contrary to those required," explain researchers Aurélien Graton and Melody Mailliez in a 2019 article published in the journal Behavioral Sciences .

In other words, guilt trips can backfire and lead people to behave opposite how someone else wants them to act. For example, someone guilt-tripping you into calling them more often might actually result in calling them less.

Poor Well-being

Feelings of excessive guilt are associated with several mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression , and obsessive-compulsive disorder . Being subjected to guilt trips may contribute to the development or worsening of such conditions.

Experiencing guilt can also lead to many immediate and unpleasant emotions and symptoms such as anxiety, sadness, regret, worry, muscle tension, and insomnia.

This type of covert manipulation may also sometimes contribute to the development of a guilt complex , which is a persistent belief that you have done (or will do) something wrong.

Over time, guilt can lead to feelings of shame. Shame can affect your self-image, which can then contribute to social withdrawal and isolation.

How to Cope With Guilt Tripping

There are a number of tactics that can be helpful when dealing with a guilt trip. Some steps you can take include:

• Acknowledge the request. Let them know that you understand that it is important to them. Responding with empathy and showing that you see their needs may help them feel that they are not simply being ignored. Validating their emotions may help lessen the intensity of those feelings.
• Share your feelings . Explain that you also see how they are trying to make you feel guilty so that you'll do what they want. Then tell them how that type of manipulation makes you feel. Suggest that interacting in that way will lead to resentment and that more direct communication forms would be more effective. 
• Set boundaries . Boundaries help set limits on what you will and will not accept. Even if you do end up helping them with their request, make sure you clearly articulate your limits and explain the consequences of crossing those boundaries. Then be sure that you enforce those limits if they are crossed.

Other things that you can use include protecting your self-esteem and distancing yourself if needed. You're more likely to fall for a guilt trip if you already feel poorly about yourself, so find strategies to build up your sense of self-worth. 

If the other person keeps trying to manipulate you with feelings of guilt, reduce your communication with them or even consider ending the relationship.

Protecting your own well-being should be a top priority. A person who tries to manipulate you with toxic feelings of shame and guilt does not have your best interests at heart.

Getting Help for Guilt

If you are experiencing feelings of guilt or related symptoms of anxiety, stress, or depression, talk to your health care provider or a mental health professional. They can recommend treatment options such as psychotherapy or medications that can help manage symptoms and improve the quality of your life.

Your doctor or therapist may suggest a type of therapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) , which may help reduce inappropriate guilt feelings. This type of therapy can help you identify and change the negative thoughts and cognitive distortions that can contribute to feelings of guilt.

Your therapist can also help you learn to recognize the signs of a guilt trip—and help you practice strategies to cope with this type of emotional manipulation.

An example of guilt tripping might be your friend calling you and saying, "I know you are too busy with work to hang out. I'll just spend the evening by myself. I just thought that since I helped you get that job you would make sure to make a little more time for me." This type of comment is designed to induce feelings of guilt and bring up the idea that you "owe" them in some way.

Guilt tripping is often designed to manipulate other people by preying on their emotions and feelings of guilt or responsibility. This can be a form of toxic behavior that can have detrimental effects on a person's well-being as well as their relationships.

While both behaviors are destructive and toxic, they differ in key ways. Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that involves denying another person's reality and making them question their own experiences. Guilt tripping, on the other hand, is about causing another person to feel guilty in order to get them to change their behavior.

Humeny C. A qualitative investigation of a guilt trip . Conference: Institute of Cognitive Science Spring Proceedings.

Overall NC, Girme YU, Lemay EP Jr, Hammond MD. Attachment anxiety and reactions to relationship threat: the benefits and costs of inducing guilt in romantic partners . J Pers Soc Psychol . 2014;106(2):235-56. doi:10.1037/a0034371

Aurélien G, Melody M. A theory of guilt appeals: a review showing the importance of investigating cognitive processes as mediators between emotion and behavior .  Behav Sci (Basel) . 2019;9(12):117. doi:10.3390/bs9120117

Tilghman-Osborne C, Cole DA, Felton JW.  Definition and measurement of guilt: Implications for clinical research and practice .  Clin Psychol Rev . 2010;30(5):536-546. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.007

Miceli M, Castelfranchi C.  Reconsidering the differences between shame and guilt .  Eur J Psychol . 2018;14(3):710-733. doi:10.5964/ejop.v14i3.1564

Herr NR, Jones AC, Cohn DM, Weber DM.  The impact of validation and invalidation on aggression in individuals with emotion regulation difficulties .  Personal Disord . 2015;6(4):310-4. doi:10.1037/per0000129

Cleantis T. Boundaries and self-care . Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation.

Hedman E, Ström P, Stünkel A, Mörtberg E. Shame and guilt in social anxiety disorder: effects of cognitive behavior therapy and association with social anxiety and depressive symptoms . PLoS One . 2013;8(4):e61713. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0061713

Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R. "It's not in your head": Gaslighting, 'splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions .  Perspect Psychol Sci . 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

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How to recognize a guilt trip & respond when it happens.

If someone has ever tried to make you feel bad about something without directly saying it, you may well have been a victim to guilt tripping. This behavior isn't uncommon, but if you don't know what to look for, you might not realize it's happening. Here's how to spot guilt trip signs, plus how to deal with it, according to experts.

What does "guilt trip" really mean?

Guilt tripping is a type of behavior that involves making someone feel guilty for something rather than directly expressing your displeasure. As therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW, explains to mbg, it's a form of manipulation designed to either make the person feel bad or to get them to do something you want by evoking guilt.

According to both Page and licensed marriage and family therapist  Shane Birkel, LMFT, guilt tripping is classic passive-aggressive behavior because it indicates an inability—or at least an unwillingness—to communicate in a healthy and constructive way.

This kind of behavior can be seen across all kinds of relationships, from romantic to parent-child relationships to friendships, and even in the workplace between bosses or co-workers.

Why it's not OK to guilt trip someone.

It's not a bad thing to express when you feel hurt or upset by someone else's behavior, Page notes, but when you start to become passive aggressive and manipulative about it, that's when it becomes a problem. "Guilt tripping is indirect and manipulative, [and] it works by making people feel bad about themselves," he says.

Birkel adds that guilt tripping also doesn't require the same vulnerability as directly sharing your hurt and how you're feeling. "It's shaming the other person, making comments that make the other person feel bad, sort of blaming and attacking—and so in that way, I don't think there's ever an appropriate or OK situation to guilt trip. It's always going to be a harsh way of treating the other person," he notes.

Open and vulnerable communication, such as saying, "Hey, I understand we all run late sometimes, but it makes me feel like you're not prioritizing our time together when you show up late," for example, would not be guilt tripping, Birkel adds.

Is guilt tripping a form of gaslighting?

Gaslighting and guilt tripping are not the same, though they have "large areas of overlap," according to Page. He notes that gaslighting is all about denying someone's reality to make them question themselves, which is a "deep form of manipulation."

Guilt tripping is more about making someone feel bad or guilty for their behavior. That said, dark personality types like narcissists and other toxic people will often use both of these manipulation tactics freely and without remorse, Page explains.

Common signs to look out for:

• Behavior and comments meant to make you feel guilty or bad
• Making you feel like you owe them something
• Refusal to say what's wrong but acting upset
• Expressing negative feelings about you in indirect ways
• Comments like "I must not mean that much to you," "I'm glad you could finally squeeze me into your busy schedule," or, "I do so much for you," etc.
• Talking about you as a bad person, partner, friend, etc.
• Withholding affection and/or attention as punishment
• Passive-aggressive behavior

The main things you want to look for when it comes to someone guilt tripping you are an inability to express negative feelings directly and behavior that makes you feel guilty. As Page explains, "When you feel that sharp pang of guilt, ask yourself, what is happening? Are you being made to feel that you are less of a good person, or were they actually bothered appropriately by something you did that you need to fix and correct?"

When you become aware of how guilt feels in your body and the thoughts it makes you think, that's the quickest way to identify guilt tripping behavior, he adds. And if you're noticing a trend that this person has a hard time expressing when you've done something that bothers them, that's a telltale sign too.

Reasons for guilt tripping.

There are plenty of reasons that people resort to guilt tripping, whether subconscious or very much conscious. A lot of the time, Page explains, it's simply the "easiest" option, compared to actually being vulnerable and stating your needs and feelings in a direct way.

Sometimes people want sympathy, sometimes they want to manipulate your behavior, and sometimes they may just be looking for attention. But the key is they're not willing to be outright about what they're wanting from the interaction.

According to Birkel, guilt tripping someone can also be "a twisted way of trying to get compassion." They're trying to make you feel bad about what you did because they want you to understand how it hurt them, he says.

"Often, when we feel that something is wrong but we don't feel that we have a right to ask for what we want, we use guilt tripping or other passive-aggressive behavior instead," Page explains. "In other words, our guilt around our own needs makes us guilt trip other people."

Birkel also notes this kind of behavior can stem from having this behavior modeled for you growing up, as well as not having your needs met as a child. "If someone grew up in a family where they weren't allowed to have a voice, or their wants and needs were shut down by a parent, they might start guilt tripping others because they never learned how to communicate directly," he explains.

How to respond to a guilt trip.

How you choose to respond when someone guilt trips you will depend on everything from your communication style to how much patience you have in the moment and how serious the situation is. In extreme cases, especially in situations where you're being unfairly blamed for something, you always have the option to set a boundary and walk away from the conversation.

With all that said, Page and Birkel both recommend extending compassion when you can. "Underneath the guilt tripping is a request, hidden in blaming, passive-aggressive behavior," Page explains. And as Birkel notes, that hidden request is often compassion and understanding.

For starters, there might be an apology you can and should make if you did actually hurt this person (intentionally or not). Birkel suggests starting there, and to emphasize that you understand why they're feeling the way they do. That can sound like "I understand why you're upset, and I apologize for X."

Then, once the apology is made earnestly and accepted, perhaps a couple of hours later, he says you can bring up that you didn't appreciate the way they approached the conversation, saying something like, "Again, I understand why you were upset, and I felt like you were trying to make to feel guilty, so I'm hoping you could communicate with me more directly about what's going on for you in the future."

Ultimately, Page says, it's important that you and the other person both get to speak your mind about how you're really feeling. In some cases, for instance, you might be letting somebody down and disappointing them, but that doesn't mean that you have anything to feel guilty for; you just might not be able to meet their expectations, he explains. "On the other hand, when you listen to what they want and need, if it feels valid, you might want to reconsider your actions," he adds.

It comes down to honest, open, and vulnerable communication, which is a skill that can take time to cultivate. But the good news is, the more you practice healthy communication , the easier it becomes over time.

The bottom line.

Guilt tripping can range from small, rare instances to extreme cases of manipulation. If things escalate to the point of emotional abuse , remove yourself from the situation as best you can. Otherwise, guilt tripping is a behavior (albeit a frustrating one) that can be worked on and improved with healthy communication and vulnerability.

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The Psychology of the Guilt-Tripper

Projection, "pathological certainty," and lack of self-awareness..

Posted December 23, 2021 | Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

• Coping With Guilt
• Find a therapist near me
• Guilt-tripping is a form of unconscious emotional blackmail whereby the guilt-tripper feels entitled and innocent of any misdeed.
• Lack of awareness of self or others fuels the narcissistic tendency to adhere rigidly to their perceptions with "pathological certainty."
• Our reactions in relationships are determined by what we think someone's behavior means and how this affects our sense of security.

Alongside love, gifts, and food, guilt is often served up for the holidays and other emotionally loaded family gatherings. We’ve all tasted it. “Why can’t you stay longer? You're too busy now for me?” mom said to Michael as he kissed her goodbye. Later that week, when he called his mom, she seemed aloof, giving him the cold shoulder.

And so it goes when guilt is used unconsciously to get loved ones to do what we want and “feel our pain” – though it does not always produce the intended result. Further, when it does “work,” guilt is costly to the relationship – breeding resentment and limiting authentic engagement, co-opting the genuine desire to connect, and replacing it with robotic compliance, rebellion, and/or avoidance. Regardless, it’s not uncommon for certain people to resort to using and manipulating others without awareness to manage longing, loss, disappointment, anxiety , and other states of mind.

Guilt-tripping is, in effect, a form of emotional blackmail. But it is typically an unconscious process whereby the guilt-tripper feels entitled and innocent of any misdeed. On the receiving end, it feels like an oppressive intangible force that invisibly intrudes into our personal space confusingly and frustratingly, bolstered by plausible deniability and reversal of blame.

What leads some people to be so easily offended and resort to emotional manipulation to get others to do what they want or pay the price?

How we feel in relationships and whether disappointments are tolerable is mostly determined not by what another person does but, rather, our interpretation of what it really means, how it affects our sense of security, and, importantly, whether these assumptions are taken as facts.

In a healthier version of events, the mom might have interpreted her son’s decision to leave in a way that was more benign and less self-focused, which would have made it easier for her to tolerate her feelings of disappointment about him leaving.

If she had thought: “I know he has a lot going on in his own life now, but it’s hard to say goodbye,” she might have felt a bittersweet feeling, appreciated him more, or maybe felt gratitude . In this mindset, she might have said, “I’ve missed you - it’s always so wonderful to see you. I’m glad you came over.” Expressing love and validation in this way nurtures the relationship and organically paves the way for more good experiences together.

In contrast, Michael’s mom personalized the meaning of her son’s decision to leave and, feeling rebuffed, confused her feelings with his intention and motivation – a common cognitive attribution error. Because she feared being forgotten and abandoned, she assumed, “He’s leaving because he doesn’t care about me anymore.” This interpretation set the stage for a self-fulfilling prophecy, creating the very avoidance and rejection she feared, with her accusation, implicit demand, and cold shoulder.

The Psychology of a Guilt Tripper

We have all felt slighted or rejected at times, even when the other person’s behavior or attitude had nothing to do with us. It is easy to project our reactions and fears onto situations when we feel insecure, especially ambiguity. But reading negative intent into something a person says or does because it made us feel bad is a false equivalency that typically leads to the wrong conclusion, usually a more painful one.

A characteristic pattern of misinterpretations like these coupled with emotionally manipulative behavior is different from normal insecurity. This dynamic results from an essential inability to step outside of oneself and notice, as well as tolerate, that a loved one is separate from us with their mind and motivations. People who habitually relate in this way are not onto themselves. They lack “mindsight” – the capacity to reflect, recognize and interpret their state of mind and other people’s. (Siegel & Hartzell, 2018) This lack of awareness fuels a narcissistic tendency to rigidly adhere to one’s beliefs and impressions with “pathological certainty,” creating a perfect storm to perceive others as disloyal and abandoning and punishing non-compliance.

What About When Someone Actually “Deserves” It?

When someone does us wrong, it’s human to want justice and seek vindication. We want whoever hurt us to suffer too, and even the score. In this case, unlike the previous example, the need to punish someone and make them feel bad is not disowned but deliberate, conscious, and even satisfying (mostly in fantasy ).

Does Punishing Other People Help Us Feel Better?

(For more on this topic: Should You Punish Bad Behavior? The Answer May Surprise You )

In practice, evening the score means you are caught being controlled by what the other person did and perpetuates a destructive cycle, rather than solving the problem. Winning the battle of vengeance is a defeat for the relationship, reinforcing the practice of dirty fighting and one-upmanship to manage hurt and anger . Further, encouraging this mindset in oneself rehearses a repetitive inner script and neural pathway fueling anger.

Alternatively, when we choose to uphold our standard of behavior rather than be reactive and indulge anger, we feel more peaceful, in control, and freed up to create new pathways.

A Positive Motivation: Trying To Make a Connection

There is also a positive, unconscious motivation for making someone feel bad when they’ve hurt us that is often misunderstood and missed. When someone we are attached to seems impervious or indifferent to how we feel, trying to make them feel bad and evoke a reaction can be an instinctive, primitive effort to communicate pain, elicit empathy, and create a “felt” connection. This can happen when the need to connect is intense, but there is no way to get through and wake the other person out of their detachment or indifference or get them to feel something closer to the intensity of what we feel.

Jenny was close with her dad until high school when her parents divorced . Hurt and angry when he left, Jenny became cold towards her dad and acted like she didn’t care, avoiding his calls and texts and making excuses not to see him.

Her dad already felt guilty about leaving and handled his guilt and his daughter’s rejection by being detached and distant. When he told his therapist the story, she helped him understand Jenny’s behavior as communication – an attempt to get him to feel how she felt to bridge the gap between them. Then, rather than seeing Jenny as manipulative and taking her behavior literally and withdrawing out of guilt, anger, and defeat, the dad used his feelings to help him be empathic to what Jenny was going through. Empowered, he reached out to her in a heartfelt way, healing a painful impasse in their relationship. (My previous post may help further an understanding of the causes and effects of shame and guilt.)

How Can We Tell if the Guilt in Our Lives Is Pathological?

For more on this topic check out my next post: How to Tell What Your Guilt Means )

The answer lies in how it affects our relationships. The hallmark of a healthy relationship is mutuality – the back and forth dance between two people as they move between connection and autonomy. Guilt-tripping is an unwitting attempt to manage perceived rejection, loneliness , or other difficult feelings by controlling other people, seeing them as responsible for our state of mind, and trying to force them to make up for our suffering or else pay the price.

The predominant attitude of entitlement and lack of respect for other people’s separateness and autonomy that is endemic to guilt violates the mutuality of relationships. And the feeling of gratitude that nourishes love and peace.

Awareness of our loved one’s limitations and propensities, in this case being on to the guilt-tripper, can allow us to preempt difficult situations and binds. We don’t have to feel guilty for setting the boundaries we need. We can love and care about someone and legitimately, without malice, have different boundaries and needs that compete with theirs.

On the one hand, setting limits makes us feel better and seem selfish. But the truth is that respecting our boundaries allows us to protect our relationships from being contaminated by resentment and emotional distance, making it safe for us to truly engage. It is an act of love, respect, and wisdom all around.

Facebook image: fizkes/Shutterstock

Siegel, D.J., & Hartzell, M. (2018). Parenting from the inside out: how a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. Scribe Publications.

Lynn Margolies, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and former Harvard Medical School faculty and fellow. She has helped many different types of people and families overcome obstacles and improve their lives.

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Guilt Trip: How to Stop Feeling Guilty for Things That Aren’t Your Fault

Guilt trip is a common phenomenon many of us have experienced at some point in our lives. It is a form of emotional manipulation that involves making someone feel guilty or responsible for something they may or may not have done. Guilt trips can be subtle or overt and can be used in various settings, from personal relationships to the workplace.

Guilt trips can take many forms, but they all involve making someone feel bad about themselves or their actions. For example, a friend might guilt trip you into attending a party you don’t want to go to by saying things like, “I guess I’ll just go alone then” or “I thought we were closer than that.” In the workplace, a boss might guilt trip an employee into working overtime by saying things like, “I guess you don’t care about the success of this project” or “I thought you were a team player.”

Recognizing and coping with guilt trips is an essential skill that can help us maintain healthy relationships and boundaries. In this article, we will explore the signs, types, and impact of guilt trips and strategies for coping with them. We will also provide examples of common guilt trip scenarios and offer tips for responding healthily and assertively.

Understanding the Psychology Behind Guilt Trips

Guilt trips are a potent tool of emotional manipulation that can steer behavior to suit the manipulator’s desires. It is often used to make someone feel guilty or responsible for something, even if they have done everything they can. In this section, we will explore the psychology behind guilt trips.

Guilt-tripping is a natural form of passive-aggression that people resort to when they don’t have the skills or language to communicate their needs or feelings assertively. It is a way of making someone feel bad about themselves or their behavior, intending to get them to do what the manipulator wants.

There are several reasons why someone might use guilt trips as a tactic. One reason is that it can effectively get someone to do what they want without directly asking for it. Another reason is that it can be a way of avoiding conflict or confrontation. By making someone feel guilty, the manipulator can avoid having to confront the issue at hand directly.

Guilt trips can also be a way of asserting power and control over someone. By making them feel guilty, the manipulator can make them feel like they are in the wrong and need to make amends to make things right. This can be a way of establishing dominance over the other person.

Guilt trips are a powerful tool of emotional manipulation that can steer behavior to suit the manipulator’s desires. They often make someone feel guilty or responsible for something, even if they have done everything possible. Understanding the psychology behind guilt trips can help us recognize when we are being manipulated and take steps to protect ourselves from this behavior.

Identifying a Guilt Trip

Guilt trips are a form of emotional manipulation that can be difficult to identify, especially from people we care about. This section will discuss common signs of a guilt trip and how to recognize manipulative language and emotional blackmail.

Recognizing Manipulative Language

One way to identify a guilt trip is to pay attention to the language used by the person trying to manipulate you. Here are some examples of manipulative language to watch out for:

• Exaggeration:  The person may use extreme language to describe a situation, making it seem worse than it is. For example, they might say, “You always do this,” when it’s only happened a few times.
• Generalization:  The person may use general statements that are difficult to argue against. For example, they might say, “Everyone else is doing it,” or “You should know better.”
• Personal Attacks:  The person may attack your character or make you feel guilty for who you are. For example, they might say, “You’re so selfish,” or “You never think about anyone else.”
• Conditional Statements:  The person may make their love or approval conditional on your behavior. For example, they might say, “If you loved me, you would do this,” or “I’ll only forgive you if you do what I want.”

Spotting Emotional Blackmail

Another way to identify a guilt trip is to look for signs of emotional blackmail. Emotional blackmail is a manipulation involving fear, obligation, or guilt to control someone else’s behavior. Here are some common signs of emotional blackmail:

• Threats:  The person may threaten to end the relationship or harm themselves or others if you don’t do what they want.
• Intimidation:  The person may use their size, strength, or power to intimidate you into doing what they want.
• Sulking:  The person may sulk or withdraw affection to make you feel guilty and manipulate you into doing what they want.
• Victimhood:  The person may play the victim and make you feel responsible for their emotions and well-being.

Recognizing these signs can help you identify when someone uses a guilt trip to manipulate you. By staying aware of these tactics, you can take steps to protect yourself and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships.

Effects of Guilt Trips

Guilt trips can have a significant impact on our mental health and relationships. Here are some of the effects:

Impact on Mental Health

Guilt trips can lead to negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. When we feel guilty, we may become more self-critical and start to doubt our abilities and worth. This can lead to a vicious cycle of guilt and negative self-talk, which can be challenging to break.

In addition, guilt trips can also cause us to feel trapped and powerless. We must comply with the other person’s demands, even if it goes against our values and needs. This can lead to helplessness and resentment, further damaging our mental health.

Strain on Relationships

Guilt trips can also strain our relationships with others. When someone uses guilt to manipulate us, it can erode trust and respect. We may feel like we can’t rely on the other person to be honest and straightforward with us, which can damage the foundation of any relationship.

Furthermore, guilt trips can also create a power imbalance in relationships. The person using guilt may feel like they have the upper hand and can control the other person’s behavior. This can lead to resentment and a lack of mutual respect, further damaging the relationship.

It’s essential to recognize the adverse effects of guilt trips and take steps to protect our mental health and relationships. This may involve setting boundaries, communicating our needs and feelings assertively, and seeking support from a therapist or trusted friend.

Handling Guilt Trips

Dealing with guilt trips can be challenging, but there are ways to handle them effectively. This section will discuss some strategies that can help us cope with guilt trips.

Effective Communication Strategies

Effective communication is one of the most important ways to handle guilt trips. We need to communicate clearly and assertively without being aggressive or confrontational. Here are some tips for effective communication:

• Stay Calm:  It’s essential to stay calm and composed when dealing with guilt trips. This can help us avoid getting defensive or emotional, which can make the situation worse.
• Be Assertive:  We need to be assertive and stand up for ourselves when dealing with guilt trips. This means expressing our needs and feelings clearly and confidently without being aggressive or passive.
• Use “I” Statements:  Using “I” statements can help us express our feelings without blaming or accusing others. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always making me feel guilty,” we can say, “I feel guilty when you say things like that.”
• Listen Actively:   Active listening involves paying attention to what the other person is saying and trying to understand their perspective. This can help us find common ground and resolve conflicts more effectively.

Setting Boundaries

Another critical strategy for handling guilt trips is setting boundaries. We set boundaries for ourselves to protect our emotional and physical well-being. Here are some tips for setting boundaries:

• Identify Your Limits:  We need to identify our limits and know what we are unwilling to tolerate. This can help us set clear boundaries and communicate them effectively.
• Be Consistent:  Consistency is vital when it comes to setting boundaries. We must stick to our limits and not give in to guilt or manipulation.
• Be Firm:  We must be firm and assertive when communicating our boundaries. This means saying “no” when necessary and not feeling guilty.
• Take Care of Yourself:  When setting boundaries, taking care of ourselves is essential. This means prioritizing our needs and well-being and not sacrificing them for others.

Handling guilt trips requires effective communication and setting clear boundaries. By staying calm, assertive, and consistent, we can protect ourselves from emotional manipulation and maintain healthy relationships.

Preventing Guilt Trips

Guilt trips can be emotionally draining and damaging to relationships. Fortunately, there are steps we can take to prevent them from happening. This section will discuss two critical strategies for preventing guilt trips: fostering healthy relationships and promoting self-awareness.

Fostering Healthy Relationships

One of the best ways to prevent guilt trips is to foster healthy relationships with the people in our lives. This means communicating openly and honestly, setting boundaries, and respecting each other’s feelings and needs.

Here are some tips for fostering healthy relationships:

• Communicate openly and honestly: Be honest about your feelings and needs, and encourage others to do the same.
• Set boundaries: It’s essential to set boundaries and stick to them. Let others know what you are and are not willing to do.
• Respect each other’s feelings and needs: Show empathy and understanding for others’ feelings and needs, and expect the same in return.

When we foster healthy relationships, we create an environment of mutual respect and understanding, making guilt trips less likely to occur.

Promoting Self-Awareness

Another key strategy for preventing guilt trips is promoting self-awareness. When we know our emotions and needs, we are less likely to be manipulated or guilt-tripped by others.

Here are some tips for promoting self-awareness:

• Recognize your own emotions:  Take time to identify and understand your needs.
• Practice self-care :  Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally.
• Set realistic expectations:  Be realistic about what you can and cannot do, and don’t feel guilty for saying no.

When we are self-aware, we can better recognize when someone is trying to guilt-trip us and take steps to prevent it from happening.

Preventing guilt trips requires fostering healthy relationships and promoting self-awareness. By following these strategies, we can create a more positive and supportive environment in our relationships and avoid the adverse effects of guilt trips.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some signs that someone is trying to guilt trip you.

When someone is trying to guilt trip you, they may use certain tactics to make you feel responsible for their emotions or actions. Some signs to look out for include:

• Pointing out their own efforts and hard work to make you feel as if you’ve fallen short.
• Making sarcastic or passive-aggressive remarks about the situation.
• Using emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty for not complying with their wishes.
• Manipulating your emotions by making you feel responsible for their feelings.

How can you respond to someone who is guilt-tripping you?

If someone is trying to guilt trip you, it’s important to set boundaries and communicate your feelings. Here are some ways you can respond:

• Acknowledge their feelings, but don’t take responsibility for them.
• Stick to your own values and beliefs, even if it means disagreeing with the other person.
• Avoid engaging in arguments or becoming defensive.
• Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
• Take a break or step away from the situation if necessary.

What is the difference between guilt tripping and expressing feelings?

Expressing feelings is a healthy way to communicate with others, while guilt tripping is a manipulative tactic used to control others. When someone expresses their feelings, they are sharing their emotions and thoughts without expecting a specific outcome or response. Guilt tripping, on the other hand, involves using guilt as a tool to change how others think, feel, and behave.

Is guilt tripping considered a form of manipulation?

Yes, guilt-tripping is considered a form of emotional manipulation. It involves using guilt as a tool to control others and make them feel responsible for someone else’s emotions or actions. This can be harmful to the other person’s mental health and well-being.

What are some ways to stop someone from guilt-tripping you?

If someone is guilt-tripping you, there are several ways you can stop the behavior:

• Set boundaries and communicate your feelings.
• Refuse to take responsibility for someone else’s emotions or actions.

Can guilt tripping be considered a form of emotional abuse?

Yes, guilt-tripping can be considered a form of emotional abuse. It involves using guilt as a tool to control others and make them feel responsible for someone else’s emotions or actions. This can be harmful to the other person’s mental health and well-being. It’s important to recognize the signs of emotional abuse and seek help if necessary.

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Guilt Tripping: Understanding and Overcoming Its Manipulative Hold

We’ve all been there. One moment you’re feeling good, the next, someone’s laid a guilt trip on you and suddenly the world seems a little less bright. It’s an unfortunate reality that guilt tripping is a common tool used in interpersonal relationships. Whether it’s your boss subtly suggesting you should work late again or your partner implying that the state of your relationship rests solely on your shoulders, the effects can be deeply unsettling.

Guilt tripping, at its core, is an emotional manipulation tactic. It involves making someone feel guilty in order to influence their behavior or decisions . While it might seem harmless at first glance, this strategy can have significant psychological impacts on those who are subjected to it regularly.

I’m delving into this topic not just because I find it fascinating but also because I believe understanding such tactics can equip us with tools to better navigate our relationships and interactions. So let’s unpack what guilt tripping really entails: how it works, why people use it, and most importantly – how we can effectively respond when we find ourselves on the receiving end of a guilt trip.

Understanding the Concept of Guilt Tripping

Let’s delve into what guilt tripping really is. It’s a sort of emotional manipulation, where one person tries to induce guilty feelings in another to get their way. Often, it’s subtle and happens without us even noticing it. Yet, its effects can be quite damaging on our mental health and relationships.

Consider this common scenario: you’ve planned an evening alone to unwind after a long week but your friend insists on hanging out. She hits you with “I’m always there for you, can’t you spare some time for me?” Now that’s a classic case of guilt tripping! You see, she made her request seem like an obligation by playing on your feelings of guilt.

Guilt trips are not just limited to personal relationships; they’re also prevalent in professional settings. For instance, your boss may say something along the lines of “I’ve been working late every night this week while everyone else leaves early.” The intention here is clear – he wants you to feel guilty about leaving work at regular hours and hopefully work late too!

Statistics add weight to these anecdotes:

These numbers underscore how commonplace guilt tripping is in our daily lives.

While we can’t eradicate guilt trips completely from our lives (after all, we’re only human), awareness is the first step towards handling them better. So let’s continue exploring this topic and figure out ways to navigate around such emotional landmines.

Remember – understanding the concept isn’t meant to make anyone feel bad or guilty; instead it aims at promoting healthier interactions by shedding light on these often overlooked manipulative tactics.

Detecting Signs and Symptoms of Guilt Tripping

I’ve gotta tell you, understanding the signs and symptoms of guilt tripping can be a game changer in maintaining healthy relationships. It’s not always easy to spot, but once you’re familiar with the patterns, it becomes easier to identify.

One common sign is manipulation through emotional coercion. If someone consistently makes you feel guilty for not meeting their expectations or needs—even when they’re unreasonable—that might be guilt tripping. Their go-to phrases might include “after all I’ve done for you” or “you’d do it if you really cared about me.”

Next on the list is passive-aggressive behavior. You know, those snide comments that are veiled as jokes? Or those sulky silences that last until you give in? That’s classic guilt-tripping territory. They don’t express their needs directly but instead make you feel bad for not intuitively knowing what they want.

Here are some red flags to watch out for:

• Unwarranted blaming
• Playing the victim card often
• Over-exaggerating disappointments
• Frequent use of manipulative phrases such as “You owe me”, “You never think about how I feel”

Did you know research shows that people who frequently resort to guilt tripping tend to have certain personality traits in common? According to a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, individuals prone to guilt-inducing behavior often score high on neuroticism and low on conscientiousness.

Finally, remember that we all can fall into the trap of using guilt trips from time to time—it’s part human nature. But when this behavior becomes repetitive and causes distress in your relationship, it’s something worth addressing. After all, recognizing these signs is the first step towards restoring balance and respect.

Psychological Impact of Being a Victim to Guilt Tripping

I’ve seen how guilt tripping can take a serious toll on an individual’s psychological health. It’s a form of emotional manipulation that impacts not only the victim’s self-esteem but their overall sense of self-worth as well. Let me dive deeper into this topic.

Being subjected to guilt tripping often leads to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Victims start believing they’re at fault for everything, pushing them to constantly apologize even when it’s unnecessary. They might feel obliged to fulfill unrealistic expectations set by the manipulator, which leads to constant stress.

Interestingly, studies have shown that long-term exposure to such manipulation can lead to severe mental health problems. One research found that victims are more prone to depression and anxiety disorders compared with those who haven’t experienced guilt tripping.

Here’s a brief table showcasing these findings:

Moreover, developing trust issues is another common outcome for victims. This happens because they become accustomed to feeling blamed or judged by the person manipulating them through guilt trips.

Lastly, let’s not forget about decision-making paralysis. When you’re constantly made guilty over your choices, you may eventually find it hard making decisions on your own – fearing potential guilt-trips each time.

In summary:

• Guilt tripping makes victims feel inadequate and unworthy.
• Long-term exposure can lead to depression and anxiety disorders.
• Trust issues commonly arise in victims.
• Decision-making paralysis becomes an issue due to fear of further guilt trips.

It is crucial we understand these impacts so we can support those affected and help them overcome these challenges caused by guilt-tripping behavior.

Case Studies: Real Life Experiences with Guilt Trips

Ever wondered how guilt trips play out in real life? I’ve gathered a few case studies to shed light on this common psychological phenomenon. Each of these instances highlights different aspects of guilt tripping, providing us with a multidimensional view.

First off, let’s look at the family unit, which is often fertile ground for guilt trips. Take James’ story for instance. James found himself constantly doing chores around his parents’ house even though he’d moved out years ago. His mother would always say things like “I can’t manage it all by myself.” This scenario is classic – loved ones using emotional manipulation to make us feel responsible for their well-being.

On another hand, there’s Maria’s tale from the corporate world where her boss would frequently use phrases like “If you really cared about this company, you’d work overtime without complaining.” Here we see how guilt trips can be wielded as power tactics in professional settings.

Consider also Sarah who ended up loaning money to her friend repeatedly because she was made to feel guilty about her own financial stability compared to that of her friend’s precarious situation. The recurring theme here? Guilt used as leverage in friendships.

Now, let’s glance at some statistics:

These figures are based on an informal survey I conducted among my blog readers and should give you an idea of where most guilt trips occur.

• Family situations appear most prone to inducing feelings of unwarranted obligation.
• Professional environments come next where they’re used to extract more effort or compliance.
• Friendships seem least likely but aren’t immune either.

Remember folks; it’s not just personal relationships that are susceptible – professional ones can be just as easily affected. These real-life experiences show us that guilt trips are more common than we might think, and they don’t discriminate. They can infiltrate every relationship, every situation. Knowledge is the first step to understanding and combating such emotional manipulation tactics.

The Role of Social Media in Promoting Guilt Trips

Let’s dive into the role that social media plays in promoting guilt trips. It’s no secret that today’s digital age has transformed our interactions and relationships. One significant effect is how it has become a platform for spreading guilt trips.

Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter have made it easier to share personal stories and experiences with a broad audience. In some cases, individuals use these platforms to pressure others subtly or overtly into feeling guilty about not aligning with their viewpoints or actions.

Take global issues such as climate change or social injustices, for example. While raising awareness is crucial, there’s a thin line between informing and guilt-tripping. Posts often depict stark contrasts between the lives we lead and the suffering of others due to our actions (or lack thereof). This can induce a sense of guilt among followers who feel they’re not doing enough.

Another avenue where social media promotes guilt trips involves personal relationships. Ever noticed those posts about perfect families, high-achieving children, or romantic getaways? They create an idealized image that most people struggle to meet up with in real life. When we compare ourselves with these images (a natural human tendency), it often results in feelings of inadequacy and guilt.

Moreover, cyberbullying also plays out through tactics like ‘subtweeting’ or indirect status updates aimed at causing feelings of remorse or shame.

Here are some key stats:

• Social media isn’t inherently bad; misuse leads to negative outcomes
• Setting boundaries online can help mitigate these feelings
• If experiencing persistent feelings of guilt due to social media, consider seeking professional help

[^1^]: Source: Study by Royal Society for Public Health, UK [^2^]: Source: Pew Research Center Study

This exploration of social media’s role in promoting guilt trips underscores the need for mindful usage. It’s important to remember that our online presence is just a fraction of who we are and not an accurate representation of our lives—or anyone else’s.

Effective Strategies for Coping with Guilty Feelings

In the throes of guilt, it can feel like you’re sinking in a bottomless pit. But let me tell you, there’s always a way out. One effective strategy is to accept what has happened. It’s crucial to acknowledge your feelings and understand that everyone makes mistakes.

Next on the list is forgiveness – not just for others but also for yourself. Holding onto guilt won’t undo past actions, so it’s best to forgive yourself and move forward. Studies have shown that self-forgiveness can significantly reduce feelings of guilt and shame.

Another potent tool I’d recommend is positive self-talk. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, remind yourself of your worth and achievements using affirmative language.

Let’s not forget the power of professional help either. Therapists or counselors can provide expert guidance in navigating through guilty feelings.

Lastly, I encourage you to practice mindfulness – being present in the moment without judgment. This technique helps manage overwhelming emotions by bringing focus back to the here-and-now.

• Accept what has happened
• Forgive yourself
• Engage in positive self-talk
• Seek professional help if needed
• Practice mindfulness

So next time guilt tries to pull you under, remember these strategies – they’ve got your back!

Therapeutic Approaches to Counteract Guilt Manipulation

In the realm of psychology, there’s a growing field dedicated to helping individuals combat guilt manipulation. A few therapeutic approaches have emerged as particularly effective.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one such method. It’s an approach that focuses on dissecting and understanding thought patterns, thereby challenging the negative self-perceptions that guilt trips often instill. CBT encourages patients to question these thoughts critically and reframe them in a more positive light. For example, if someone frequently makes you feel guilty for prioritizing your needs, CBT might involve recognizing this as manipulation rather than a valid indication of selfishness.

Another therapeutic technique is Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). Blending cognitive therapy with mindfulness strategies derived from Buddhist meditation practices, MBCT guides clients in developing heightened awareness of their feelings without judgment or reaction. This can be particularly useful when dealing with guilt tripping as it helps individuals identify when they’re being manipulated emotionally and disengage from that harmful dynamic.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is another noteworthy option. While initially developed for trauma survivors, EMDR has been found beneficial for those grappling with emotional manipulation too. By focusing on traumatic memories or triggering events while making specific eye movements, clients are able to reprocess these experiences in less distressing ways.

Finally, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which combines cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness concepts from Eastern philosophy can be helpful in counteracting guilt manipulation by strengthening an individual’s emotional regulation skills and improving their ability to handle distress without falling prey to manipulative tactics.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Helps dissect thought patterns
• Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy: Develops heightened awareness of feelings
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing: Focuses on traumatic memories
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Strengthens emotional regulation skills

It’s important to remember that therapy is a personal journey, and not every approach will work for everyone. But with the right guidance and willingness to change, it’s absolutely possible to overcome guilt manipulation and reclaim control of your emotions.

Conclusion: Raising Awareness and Embracing Self-Care

I can’t stress enough how important it is to raise awareness about guilt tripping. Many of us may not even realize that we’re being manipulated until it’s too late. It’s a subtle form of emotional abuse that often goes unnoticed, slipping under the radar of our conscious minds.

From my perspective, embracing self-care is a powerful antidote to this problem. When we prioritize our own well-being, we give ourselves the strength and resilience needed to resist manipulation. Here are some ways you might integrate self-care into your life:

• Start by setting clear boundaries with people who tend to guilt trip you.
• Cultivate a network of supportive friends who understand your situation.
• Don’t forget to take time for relaxation and activities that bring you joy.
• Lastly, consider seeking professional help if the situation becomes overwhelming.

Remember, acknowledging the issue is the first step in combating guilt trips. Once aware, we can arm ourselves with knowledge and strategies to prevent further harm.

Guilt trips aren’t just annoying; they’re harmful and can lead to serious mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Let’s do our part by spreading awareness about this covert form of manipulation while simultaneously advocating for healthier communication methods.

In essence, standing up against guilt tripping isn’t just about protecting ourselves – it’s also about promoting better relationships built on respect, understanding, and genuine care rather than manipulation.

By raising awareness about guilt tripping and embracing self-care practices in our daily lives, I believe we can create more compassionate environments for everyone involved. So let’s commit today – no more falling victim to guilt trips! With education as our shield and self-care as our sword, together we’ll forge ahead towards healthier emotional landscapes!

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What guilt tripping looks like in the real world (+ how to respond to it)

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Guilt trips are spectacularly awful.

They’re one of the most underhanded and harmful ways that people try to manipulate others…

…and sadly enough, they can be very effective.

Fortunately, there’s an easy way to stop them from happening.

Read on to learn how to recognize this form of manipulation, and how to get it to stop.

How to spot a guilt trip.

You’ve undoubtedly been on the receiving end of a guilt trip at some point in your life.

After all, it’s one of the most effective ways to manipulate someone else into doing something, and has been used by parents, partners, co-workers, and friends since the dawn of time.

If anyone has tried to make you do something you don’t want to do (or something they want you to do despite the fact that it makes you uncomfortable) by trying to get you to feel bad, that’s a guilt trip.

In fact, they’ll tap into something they know will upset you or cause anxiety or guilt in an attempt to modify your behavior, or force their will upon you somehow.

Examples can be things like:

“Do it for me. I do so much for you, I don’t think I’m asking too much of you to do this one little thing for me.”

Or, if you attempt to refuse:

“I’ll remember this, so the next time you ask me to do something for you, I’ll just be too busy.”

Yeah, that kind of thing.

They’re often accompanied by deep, gut-wrenching sighs, disappointed glares, and various other passive-aggressive markers until they get what they want.

And then they’ll try to guilt trip you for taking so long to sort it out.

They’re really nasty, multi-layered, and utterly unnecessary.

Sadly, they’re also most often used by those closest to us, which makes them even more despicable.

Why guilt trips are so effective.

Those closest to us are well aware of what hurts us most and makes us afraid.  

For example, most people are quite close to their parents and would feel very sad when they died.

A manipulative elder parent might use guilt to get what they want by saying that if they died suddenly and you didn’t do the thing they wanted, you’ll have to live with that guilt for the rest of your life.

I once knew a single parent who was manipulated into allowing his elderly mother to sleep in his child’s room, despite the fact that it made both him AND his daughter uncomfortable.

Why? Because his mother was old and sickly, and insisted that if they didn’t allow her to do what she wanted, they would be depriving a dying woman of her only real happiness in life, and they’d feel terrible about that after she was gone.

Of course it worked, because despite her manipulative nature, they did love her.

As such, they knew she was winding down toward the end of her life, and wanted to make her last years as comfortable and happy as possible.

And she knew it, and milked it for all it was worth, in every way imaginable.

Whatever the guilt trip – by whomever the perpetrator is – the underlying message will be: “If you don’t agree to do what I want, bad things might happen, and you’ll feel terrible if they do.”

How to stop someone from guilt tripping you.

As you can imagine, it’s quite difficult to stop this kind of cycle from continuing, but it is absolutely possible.

It’s not fun, and in simplest terms, there’s only one person who can intervene when it comes to guilt trips.

Can you guess who it is?

If you’re familiar with the phrase “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission,” you can rest assured that the same goes for guilt tripping:

Guilt trips only work if you allow them to.

Let that sink in for a moment.

You might feel immense resentment toward another person for “making you” feel guilty about something so they can manipulate you into doing what they want…

…but they can’t actually make you do anything against your will.

If you don’t play along and let it affect you, that guilt trip is powerless.

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How to respond to a guilt trip.

The key to solving this issue is very, very simple:

Stop giving a crap. And call them out on theirs.

Seriously. That’s literally ALL it takes.

Recognize their childish, ridiculous behavior for what it is, and don’t allow it to affect you.

In fact, any time they start whinging at you because you won’t do what they want, picture them as the petulant toddlers they’re behaving like. 

Stand your ground , and make it clear to them that their behavior is unacceptable.

You can let them know that you understand that it’s important to them that you do what they want, but that their approach is so off-putting as to ensure that it’s not going to happen.

If they’d like you to do the thing, they need to learn how to ask you with courtesy and respect.

If you really don’t want to do something, say something like:

“I see how important this is to you, but it’s not something I wish to do, so as much as it might upset you, I’m not going to do it. And that is that.”

If it’s simply that their guilt-tripping ways make you want to resist, say something along the lines of:

“Listen, as much as you may want me to do this, the way you are going about it is not going to work. I won’t be guilt tripped into it. Ask me like an adult and I might treat you like one.”

But always…

Be prepared for ugly fallout.

Standing your ground isn’t going to be easy: the person who’s been guilt tripping you isn’t likely to change their ways any time soon.

In fact, they’ll likely go all out and triple their efforts to bring you back into line. 

This can involve anything from the silent treatment to verbal abuse about what a horrible, selfish person you are.

They might even try to poison friends and family members against you , playing the victim and going on about how you neglect them, abuse them, or otherwise refuse to “help” them.

Some may even go so far as to purposely injure themselves just to prove their point.

An example of this might be an older parent throwing themselves down some stairs because you went out on a Friday night and left them alone, instead of staying home to watch TV with them like they wanted you to.

Fortunately, this type of drastic action can be counterbalanced with equal measures.

If, to use the example above, a parent or spouse is self-harming in an attempt to manipulate you, then a trip to the psychiatric ward may be in order.

That may sound extreme, but the possibility of being “locked up” might be just the thing they need to snap them out of this kind of behavior.

A psych evaluation may also be incredibly helpful to them, if it diagnoses a chemical imbalance that can be treated with therapy and/or medication.

Either way, there’s going to be a good outcome. 

Eventually.

Realize that changing habits will take time.

If the person you’re dealing with was raised by guilt-tripping parents and/or grandparents, then they likely learned this type of behavior very early on.

As a result, their actions are going to be pretty ingrained and will need time – and repetition – to change.

If and when they try to lay a guilt trip on you again, stop them and point it out to them.

Sure, they’ll most likely deny it, or turn it around and try to gaslight you and say that you’re interpreting their behavior that way. But don’t let them get away with it.

Make it very clear to them that continuing to approach requests with guilt and manipulation will cause resentment, and distance.

Basically, if they keep it up, they’re going to destroy whatever relationship they have with you. 

Establish the need for them to ask you to do things directly , and to also accept that you may not be able to comply, for any number of reasons.

This could be anything from having other plans already, to really not wanting to do the thing for personal reasons.

And that’s okay.

Sometimes it seems as if many people really don’t understand that others don’t exist just for their benefit, at their convenience!

That doesn’t mean that it’s okay for them to bully or manipulate you into doing what they want, whenever they want it.

Be wary of labels.

Now, there’s another aspect that needs to be considered, and that’s whether you’re perceiving something as a guilt trip when it wasn’t intended as one. 

People are remarkably complex beings, and verbal communication can often miss the mark.

What one person means isn’t necessarily what another perceives.

If someone is hypersensitive to criticism, for example, any offhand remark could be misconstrued as an attack, when it wasn’t intended that way at all.

Similarly, someone may sincerely ask for your help with something in a manner that you interpret as being guilt-trippy, but that wasn’t how they meant it.

This is why clear communication is so vital. 

Try not to get defensive or argumentative , but talk to this person very clearly and explain how their tone is coming across to you.

Sure, dealing with any kind of conflict or confrontation can be uncomfortable, but it’s also the only way to learn one another’s communication styles.

And that leads to far healthier, stronger relationships in the long run.

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About The Author

Catherine Winter is an herbalist, INTJ empath, narcissistic abuse survivor, and PTSD warrior currently based in Quebec's Laurentian mountains. In an informal role as confidant and guide, Catherine has helped countless people work through difficult times in their lives and relationships, including divorce, ageing and death journeys, grief, abuse, and trauma recovery, as they navigate their individual paths towards healing and personal peace.

• Anxiety Disorders
• Bipolar Disorder
• Eating Disorders
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What is a guilt trip: 5 types, examples, signs, how to recognize, avoid, and stop guilt tripping.

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Guilt is a natural human emotion that is often used by others as a tool for control and manipulation. People take advantage of this by inducing feelings of guilt in others, making them feel responsible for things they don’t do, or may not have control over. 

This practice is commonly referred to as the “ guilt trip ,” It can be harmful to both the person inducing the guilt and the person feeling it. What is a guilt trip ? This article will help you explore the various types of guilt trips , how they are used and provide coping techniques to help you avoid falling into this trap. 

What Does Guilt Trip Mean? By understanding the dynamics of the guilt trip and learning to recognize it, you can protect yourself from emotional manipulation and maintain healthier relationships.

What is a Guilt Trip?

A guilt trip is a method employed to induce feelings of guilt or responsibility in another person with the only intent of altering their behavior or inspiring them to take a specific action. The potent influence that guilt has on human conduct makes it a useful weapon for influencing the thoughts, emotions, and actions of others. Guilt trips are often utilized to manipulate people into doing what someone else wants or to force someone to reconsider their choices and decisions.

Another important thing is understanding the difference between the natural guilt feeling and the one induced by others in you. The former means that you are guilty of something you have done wrong, have never done before, or failed to do. While in the latter one, an individual attempts to create unjustified feelings of guilt or responsibility in you with the intention of manipulating your emotions and actions. 

Types of Guilt Trips

Guilt tripping refers to a manipulative behavior in which someone makes another person feel guilty or ashamed in order to control their actions or decisions. Here I have listed some of the most common types of guilt tripping:

• Emotional Guilt Tripping: This involves using emotional manipulation to make someone feel guilty for not doing something or for doing something that the manipulator disapproves of.
• Reverse Guilt Tripping: This involves making the other person feel guilty for not taking care of the manipulator or for not doing things their way.
• Historical Guilt Tripping: This involves reminding the other person of past mistakes or shortcomings in order to make them feel guilty in the present.
• Responsibility Guilt Tripping: This involves making someone feel guilty for not fulfilling a responsibility or for not doing something that is expected of them.
• Martyr Guilt Tripping: This involves making someone feel guilty for not sacrificing enough or for not putting the needs of others above their own.

It’s important to note that guilt tripping can be harmful and lead to feelings of low self-esteem and decreased self-worth. If you think you’re guilt tripped, it’s essential to set boundaries and learn to assert yourself healthily and assertively.

Purposes of a Guilt Trip

Why would someone guilt trip you, or why do I guilt trip others? Guilt tripping is not unpurposeful; a person who guilt trips others always has some specific purpose behind this. Read the mentioned-below purposes behind guilt tripping. 

• Manipulating or controlling other’s behavior 
• To gain sympathy or attention
• To enforce their own moral or ethical beliefs
• To make others feel obligated to them
• To evade assuming accountability for their own conduct.
• To express anger or frustration
• To punish or inflict emotional harm
• To resolve feelings of insecurity or jealousy
• To exact revenge or retribution
• To elicit an apology or expression of regret.

It’s important to note that guilt tripping is often an unhealthy form of communication and can damage relationships. It’s better to find alternative ways of resolving conflicts or addressing problems in a healthy, respectful manner.

Signs of Guilt Tripping

It can be challenging to recognize the signs when someone is guilt tripping you. However, some common are:

• They make you feel guilty or bad for not doing something.
• They make you feel like you owe them something for doing something for you.
• They use guilt or manipulation to get what they want.
• They make you feel like you should do something for them because they did something for you.
• They create a sense in you that you are inadequate or that they surpass you in some way.
• They make you feel like you’re responsible for their feelings.

If you’re experiencing any of these signs, someone is likely guilt tripping you.

Examples of Guilt Tripping

Here are some examples of guilt tripping :

• “You know how much this means to me, but you still won’t help me out.”
• “I just don’t understand why you can’t make time for me, even though I make time for you.”
• “I gave up so much for you, and this is the thanks I get?”
• “If your love for me is genuine, you will undertake this for me.”

These statements are examples of guilt tripping tactics, which involve attempting to manipulate and exert control over someone through emotional appeals.

It’s important to note that while guilt tripping can be an effective way of getting someone to do what you want, it is not a healthy or respectful way to treat others. It’s better to communicate openly and honestly and try to find a solution that works for everyone.

How to Stop Guilt Tripping

If feelings of guilt are constantly burdening you, taking control of the situation and stopping the guilt trip is essential. The first step to achieving this is by setting boundaries with the person who is causing these feelings. Let them know what you will and will not tolerate regarding their behavior towards you. By clearly communicating your expectations, you are letting them know you are not willing to be mistreated.

It’s also crucial to speak up and let the person know how their words or actions are affecting you. Be assertive and confident in your communication, but remain respectful and calm. Don’t be afraid to disagree with their point of view and walk away from the situation if necessary. Remember that you have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty, and it’s important to protect yourself from being manipulated into doing something you don’t want to do. If the situation becomes too overwhelming, seek help from a trusted friend or professional. The most important thing is prioritizing your well-being and taking control of the situation.

Is Guilt Tripping Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a type of psychological manipulation in which someone makes you feel like your thoughts and feelings are wrong or invalid. It’s a form of emotional abuse in which the wrongdoer tries to make the victim question their sanity or reality.

It’s important to distinguish between guilt tripping and gaslighting , as they are two different yet related dynamics. Guilt tripping is a tactic that seeks to control through emotional manipulation but does not usually involve questioning the validity of one’s perceptions and emotions. On the other hand, gaslighting is a deliberate attempt to distort reality and make someone doubt their own thoughts and feelings.

Additionally, guilt tripping can also serve as a means of gaslighting when the person tries to make you feel guilty for things you did not do or for not performing actions you were not requested to undertake.

How to Recognize and Avoid Guilt Tripping in Relationships

It’s essential to recognize and avoid guilt tripping in relationships. Here are some useful tips for recognizing and avoiding guilt tripping:

• First, learn about the signs of guilt tripping and be aware of them.
• Express yourself and inform the individual about the impact of their words on your emotions.
• Clearly establish your limits, and fill you up with the courage to say “no.”
• Avoid falling victim to manipulation or domination.
• Don’t be scared to walk away from the situation.
• If the problem goes uncontrol and becomes unbearable, don’t hesitate to seek assistance.

How To Deal With Guilt Tripping

If you’re dealing with someone who is guilt tripping you, it’s essential to know how to handle the situation. Here are some useful tips for dealing with it:

• Stay calm, and don’t take it personally.
• Recognize the signs of guilt tripping , and don’t allow yourself to be manipulated.
• Speak up and let the person know how their words make you feel.
• Respectfully disagree with them.
• Set boundaries, and don’t be afraid to leave the situation.
• Reach out for assistance if the circumstances become excessively burdensome.

Bottom Line

Being subjected to guilt trips can lead to feelings of distress and undermine your mental and emotional health. In order to safeguard yourself from these situations, it’s crucial to identify and fend off guilt trips. By being aware of the warning signs and taking the necessary steps to handle them, you can prevent yourself from being controlled and manipulated. Remember that declining is always okay, and you are under no obligation to engage in anything you do not wish to. By taking charge of these situations, you can lead a more fulfilling life free from undue stress and pressure.

If you’re in a relationship with a person who is guilt tripping you, it’s crucial to find a way to communicate with them. Setting boundaries and seeking help if the situation becomes too overwhelming can also help.

No one deserves to be manipulated or controlled, so don’t fall into the trap of a guilt trip. Recognize the signs of guilt tripping and learn ways to handle the situation better if it arises. It is within your rights to decline, and you are not obligated to engage in any activity you do not wish to participate in.

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How to Handle a Guilt Trip

Last Updated: October 11, 2022 References

wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 9 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. This article has been viewed 5,568 times.

Guilt trips are a poor communication technique. The reasons people use them vary, from limited social skills to feeling unheard to being an abuser who wants total control. [1] X Research source Unfortunately, they can breed resentment and harm relationships. [2] X Research source If guilt trips are a favorite weapon of someone you know, you can prepare ways to get around them.

Assuaging Their Concerns

Sometimes a guilt trip is a sign that someone doesn't feel heard. Active listening may calm them down so you can have a reasonable conversation.

• "Yes, I wasn't thinking about how my actions would affect you. I'm sorry. Now that I understand, I'll know not to do it again."
• "You're right, it wasn't fair of me to expect you to do all the cleaning. I will help next time."
• "I'm sorry I forgot. My memory isn't great, and I'll work on writing down the important stuff to help me remember."
• "You're right. I broke my promise. I didn't mean to cause harm, but I did. I will work on keeping my word in the future."

• "I agree that getting this project to work is important. What do you think our priorities should be?"
• "Yes, your health is important. I can't control how you feel, but I do want to help you. What do you think are some ways to make your life less stressful?"
• "I can tell that you're going through a difficult time. What would make things easier on you?"
• "I don't understand what you're talking about, but I can see it's important to you. How can I help you?"

• "I can tell that today has been a difficult day for you."
• "I can see you're unhappy about the state of the project."
• "You sound stressed."
• "I know this change has been hard on you."
• "It's okay to be frustrated. We're in a tough situation."
• "It sounds like you've been feeling lonely."

• "Yes, I've noticed your excellent work on the project. I really like the color scheme you picked."
• "Yes, you did an excellent job cleaning the bathroom. It's my turn next week, right?"
• "I know you work so hard taking care of the kids, just like I work hard at my job. I hope you know how much I appreciate all the difficult work at home."

Setting Boundaries

Guilt trips can involve overstepping, sometimes seriously. Setting boundaries can emphasize that it's not okay to treat you this way.

• They'll get embarrassed and stop. This means you've successfully clued them in to their bad behavior. Then ask what the two of you can do to fix whatever is upsetting them.
• They'll deny it. If so, say "Oh, it sounded like you were for a moment." Then move to the problem-solving stage.
• They'll ignore it and keep pressing forward. You may have to repeat yourself until they change tactics.
• They'll throw a tantrum. At this point, you may have to say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and walk away.

• "This is making me uncomfortable."
• "I feel really confused right now. I didn't know you wanted anything from me. If you don't tell me what you expect, then I can't meet your expectations."
• "Guilt trips make me feel uneasy and stressed."
• "When you guilt trip me, I feel frustrated and I end up bitter. Can we find a healthier way to talk about things?"

• "I know it's not easy. I'm doing my best."
• "I know it's hard for you, but this is something I need to do for myself."
• "I know you want this, but it's just not possible for me right now."

• "I'm not available to work after 6 pm."
• "I can't come on Friday. But I'd be happy to set up a time to visit next week."
• "Mom, if you call me names, I will hang up the phone."
• "No, you can't have friends over today, because we will have dinner guests. But they could come over tomorrow."

• "I'm sorry you feel that way."
• "I'll consider that."
• "Maybe you're right."
• "Perhaps. But I still need the report first thing Friday morning."

• "Yes, and I apologized for that. Since then, I've made an effort to be on time."
• "Yes, I made a mistake two years ago. I learned from the experience and now I keep secrets unless there's a health or safety risk."
• "Yes, I made a mistake that I regret. Now I've learned from it and moved on."

Encouraging Better Communication

• This is how they were raised, so it's how they learned to behave
• They lack the social skills to be assertive
• They have a serious fear of confrontation or rejection
• They feel like you won't listen to them
• They're trying to control you

• "I get confused when you drop hints. Please tell me what you'd like."
• "I won't be upset if you ask me to clean something. Next time, you can just ask me to do the dishes."
• "You don't have to drop hints with me. Just say that you're lonely and ask if I can hang out. I might say yes."
• "Are you trying to ask me for something? If so, you can say it and then I'll understand better."

• "Thanks for telling me outright. Sure, I'm happy to put on headphones so you can study in peace."
• "Thank you for letting me know you're having trouble with it. What can I do to make it easier for you?"
• "Sure, that's not a problem! Happy to help."
• "I can't help you with that, but maybe Dad could."

• "Let's circle back to this later."
• "I need to go."
• "I need some air."
• "Let me think about that and get back to you."

Expert Q&A

Other wikihows.

• ↑ https://springhole.net/other/guilt-tripping.htm
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201305/7-ways-get-out-guilt-trips
• ↑ https://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/deal-people-guilt-trip/
• ↑ https://relationshiphelpers.net/how-to-navigate-a-guilt-trip/
• ↑ https://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2016/12/advice-for-coping-with-guilt-trips/

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How to Give Someone a Guilt Trip

Last Updated: August 6, 2023 References

This article was co-authored by wikiHow staff writer, Amy Bobinger . Amy Bobinger has been a writer and editor at wikiHow since 2017. She especially enjoys writing articles that help people overcome interpersonal hurdles but frequently covers a variety of subjects, including health and wellness, spirituality, gardening, and more. Amy graduated with a B.A. in English Lit from Mississippi College in 2011 and now lives in her hometown with her husband and two young sons. This article has been viewed 673,935 times. Learn more...

Giving someone a guilt trip can be an effective way to manipulate them to apologize to you or give you what you want. However, if you successfully guilt trip someone, there's a good chance they could end up resenting you for it. [1] X Research source If you do choose to use guilt trips, just try to remember that your relationship with the other person is probably more important than getting your way.

How to Guilt-Trip Someone into Apologizing

• For instance, if you found out that your boyfriend was out with another woman, you might start by asking him something like, "Why didn't you answer the phone when I called you earlier?" If he says he was at work, you could say, “No you weren't, because I called there too.”
• If you know your teenager took cash out of your wallet, you could say, “Where did you get the money to go to the movies last night?”
• Be careful of accusing someone of something they may not have done. If they get blamed when they haven't done anything, they might start to feel like they might as well do whatever they're accused of.

• For example, if you're trying to get your spouse to apologize for being irritable, you might say, “It's not the first time you've snapped at me. Remember the other day when you said...?"
• Only do this when you absolutely must, since it opens the door for the other person to bring up things they feel you've done to hurt them as well.

• Say something like, "How can you say you love me and then lie to me?"
• You could also say "It really hurt my feelings that you forgot my birthday. Don't I matter to you?"

• If someone takes something from you without permission, you could say, "After everything I've given you, how could you steal from me?”
• You might also say something like, "I guess it didn't mean anything to you that I brought you flowers the other day, since you want to pick a fight with me today."
• You could also say something like, “I've cooked dinner for you every night for 5 years, but you can't remember to pick up a carton of milk on the way home?”
• Overdoing this can actually make the person less grateful over time, since whenever you do something nice for them, they'll be wondering how long it will be before you throw it back in their face.

• For instance, if you want your boyfriend to apologize for texting another girl, he might try to make you feel guilty for going through his phone. In this case, you could say something like, "Well, it turns out I had a reason to be suspicious, didn't I?"
• Even if you lose your temper, you can say something along the lines of, "I wouldn't yell if you didn't make me feel like this!"
• Refusing to admit when you're wrong might be an effective technique for a guilt trip, but it's not a good approach to having a healthy relationship.

• Play on the other person's emotions, as well. Use words like "disappointed," "selfish," and “ashamed” to fuel their internal guilt.

How to Get Something You Want

• For instance, if you want a new phone, you might start off by saying, “Hey Dad, check out my report card! I only got one B this whole year!”
• If you're trying to get someone to donate to your charitable organization, you could list some of the good things the charity has done to help the community.

• For instance, if you want your parents to take you out to eat, you might say, "I was really hoping we could go somewhere and spend time as a family, but I guess that's not important."
• If you want a new outfit, you might say, “I feel embarrassed because my clothes aren't as nice as the other kids at school.”
• Use exaggerated language like “always” and “never” to further your point. For instance, you might say, “You always work, and you never spend any time with me.”

• For instance, you might say "Don't you want me to be happy?" or “By helping me, you'd be making yourself feel good, too!”
• You could also "Don't you love me?" or "If you really loved me, you'd..."
• Keep in mind that your parents actually do love you, and exploiting that for something small is a mean manipulative trick. It might be effective, but it also might make them mad.

• If they say no the first time, say something like, "I know you said no, but think about it like this..."
• You could also wait a few days, then say, "I wish you would reconsider letting me drive your car this weekend.”

Quiz Pack: We’ve handpicked these quizzes just for you.

Expert Q&A

• Never try to guilt-trip someone into having sex with you. That kind of coercion is considered a form of sexual assault. Thanks Helpful 75 Not Helpful 18
• There are plenty of positive ways to try to get people to do or say what you want. Guilt trips should be used as a last resort, if at all. Thanks Helpful 48 Not Helpful 13
• Avoid explicit lies and elaborate deceptions. Thanks Helpful 42 Not Helpful 12

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• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201305/7-ways-get-out-guilt-trips
• ↑ https://www.psychologies.co.uk/how-get-someone-tell-you-truth
• ↑ https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a3982/guilt-breakup-100408/
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201305/7-ways-get-out-guilt-trips
• ↑ https://www.livescience.com/2796-key-fundraising-guilt-trips.html

About This Article

To give someone a guilt trip so they will apologize to you, start by asking them leading questions to get the person to admit what they did. You can also bring up similar past situations to make it seem like this is a pattern of behavior that you’ve come to expect from them. Then, tell the person that what they did makes you question the way you feel about them. If the person still isn't feeling guilty enough to apologize to you, kick the drama up a notch by crying, yelling, or making a scene. Don't forget to play on their emotions by using loaded words like "disappointed," "selfish," and “ashamed” to fuel their internal guilt! For tips on guilting someone into getting something you want, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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Dear Abby: Time to cut off criminal brother

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Dear Abby: My brother (eight years younger) has been hooked on drugs and in and out of jail for decades. Our father passed away five years ago. My brother lived with him in a different state until then. Prior to that, he stole from our mother and from me repeatedly.

He’s a criminal and is currently in jail. When he’s not in jail, he is homeless. Of course, the only time we hear from him is when he needs money. To top it off, my special-needs son recently passed away. Of course, my wife and I are devastated, although we have come to terms with the fact that he is in a better place.

With my brother back in jail, the focus has gone back to him. I have always tried to be a good brother, but I have now completely washed my hands of him. At this point, I need peace in my life, and as long as he is in mine, I will never have it. This crushes my mother, but it’s how I feel. Right or wrong, I don’t feel that just because someone is family, it gives them the right to make others miserable. I would love to know your thoughts on this. — Better Brother in Florida

Dear Brother: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved son. That you feel you cannot handle the added stress of interacting with or supporting your drug-addicted brother (who has stolen from you) is understandable.

Do not allow your mother to guilt you into doing anything with which you are uncomfortable. If your mother decides to take him in when he’s released, caution her to first remove any items of value from her home.

Dear Abby: Four years ago, a former friend, “Karla,” offered me a nice oak side chair of hers. Karla said she had no use for it and assured me she wouldn’t want it back. I accepted the chair and have used it since then.

When it was given to me, the back cushion was missing and the seat cushion was hard. After a couple of years, I bought nice fabric and had the chair repaired and reupholstered. It cost me $175. If I had thought the chair was on loan only, I wouldn’t have done that. I sent her a pic of the finished improvements, and she replied that it looked nice.

A year later, she abruptly ended our friendship. She was angry with me because I had confused her airport arrival time and she had to wait an hour. Twice I apologized profusely, but Karla has not responded. (That was 14 months ago).

Ten days ago, I received a text from one of her friends, telling me Karla wants me to return the chair she “let me borrow.” The friend wanted to know when I could deliver it. I’m completely taken aback. She GAVE it to me! What is your take on this pickle? — Baffled in Texas

Dear Baffled: Ignore the text. If Karla wants the chair returned, she should ask you herself. If she does, and if you agree to it, be sure she repays IN CASH the money you spent to have the chair refurbished.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com

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• Experience medieval Kitay Gorod (China town).
• Wander picturesque Red Square and Alexander Garden.
• Explore grand Christ the Savior Cathedral on our Red Square tour.
• Breathtaking panoramic views from Patriarch bridge.
• Enjoy a hearty lunch on the large open verandah and marvel at the stunning views of the Kremlin.
• Learn about Russian culture from the local through relaxed cultural discussions.

Tour Itinerary:

Red square:.

Russia and Moscow are synonymous with Red Square and the Kremlin and that's hardly surprising as you'll find these places absolutely stunning!

• - Walk-through the Resurrection Gate and don’t forget to flip a coin so you’ll be sure to come back one day!
• - Visit the world's famous Kazan Cathedral .
• - See the State Department Store (GUM), once the Upper Trading Stalls, which were built over a century ago and still operating!
• - Admire the lovely St. Basil's Cathedral! The French diplomat Marquis de Custine commented that it combined "the scales of a golden fish, the enamelled skin of a serpent, the changeful hues of the lizard, the glossy rose and azure of the pigeon's neck" and wondered at "the men who go to worship God in this box of confectionery work".
• - Walk by Lobnoye Mesto (literally meaning "Execution Place", or "Place of Skulls"), once Ivan the Terrible's stage for religious ceremonies, speeches, and important events.
• - Entering the Alexander Garden , you’ll take in spectacular views of Russian architecture from ancient to Soviet times, as well as the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier with an eternal flame. Watch Changing of the Guard Ceremony every hour in summer and every half an hour in winter.

Kitai-gorod:

Stroll along medieval Kitai-gorod with its strong ancient Russia feel, known for its bohemian lifestyle, markets and arts.

• - Nikolskaya Street. Here you will find the Russia's first publishing house, the second oldest monastery, and Ferryn Pharmacy, known as the number one pharmacy back in Soviet times and famous for its Empire-style architecture.
• - Ilinka Street. The financial street of the Kitaigorod (China Town) district, where you’ll find the Gostiny Dvor (Merchant’s Yard), which is now a showroom for Ferraris and Maseratis. The street was designed in the 1790s by Catherine the Great.
• - Varvarka street. The oldest street in Moscow, which dates back to the 14th century, and still has remnants of early Muscovite architecture, such as the Old English Court and the Palace of the Romanov’s.
• - Kamergersky Lane. Only a small road of about 250 meters, it is home to some of the oldest artifacts of the city, as each building holds a fascinating story. Some of Russia's most famous writers, poets, and composers from as far back as the Golden Age of Russian culture, have lived or worked on this lane.

Historic City Center

Walk the historical old center of Moscow with its cool local vibe, including the main Tverskaya street , and indulge in desserts in the first grocery “Eliseev's store” , housed in an 18th century neoclassical building, famous for its baroque interior and decoration.

From our tour. Impressions of our American tourist:

At 3:30, as energy flagged, lunch was on the agenda at a Ukrainian restaurant.  Just in time!  We asked our guide to order for us.  We all had the same thing....borscht (the Ukrainian version has beans and more tomatoes than the Russian version, which has more beets and includes beef). 

The special high bread served is called galushki.  Our main course was golubtsy...a dish of minced meat rolled in braised cabbage leaves.  Both dishes called for optional sour cream as a topping....of course, yes, please....I recommend it. 

Full, satisfied, and completely refreshed, it was off to Red Square and St. Basil's and GUM department store.  Red Square is not so named because of the color of the brick walls of the Kremlin.  Rather the word for 'red' and the word for 'beautiful' are similar in pronunciation....and, there you have it. 

As we made the turn by the National Museum in front of which is the mounted sculpture of the "Marshall of Victory," Giorgy Zhukov from WWII and caught our first view of St. Basil's, my friend and I simultaneously emitted "Oooohhhhh!"  There it was....the iconic onion domes of St. Basil's!  Hooray....it was open until 7....we had about 30 minutes and were allowed in, AND we could take photos with no flash. 

Now, I can give you a taste of what we saw in the other cathedrals in Cathedral Square.  What we learned is that St. Vasily and St. Basil are one in the same....Russian/English.  He was a common man who wandered Moscow unclothed and barefoot.  But, all, even Ivan the Terrible, heeded his opinions derived from his visions.  Ivan had this cathedral built over his tomb. 

As we exited and took photos up close of the onion domes, Inna presented us with chocolate (how did she know we were ready for another energy boost, and we each got a big piece of chocolate.  The baby's name pictured on the wrapper of this famous Russian chocolate is Alyonka....the Russian Gerber baby, don't you think? 

One could wear out the credit card in GUM's (capitalized because it is actually a government abbreviation), but the 'kitty' and my credit card stayed in my pocket as we strolled through the glass-topped arcade. 

We then strolled through some of Moscow's lovely pedestrian streets; paused to listen as a wonderful quartet performed Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" in an underground passage to cross the busy street (hooray!....we DID have our 'classical concert' experience after all; a request Alina tried in vain to fill because none was scheduled those days), saw the Bolshoi, which means 'big' (my friend has yet to recover that their performance schedule did not coincide with our cruise), saw the Central Telegraph Building, dating from the 1930's, and made our way to the Ritz-Carlton to see the night view of Moscow from the rooftop bar, called O2. 

There were fleece blankets to wrap yourself in....yes, it got that cold when the sun set.  We each ordered something hot to drink...the ginger, mint, lemon tea served to me in a parfait glass (for 600 rubles...about $9....you pay for the view here!) was delightful and hit the spot perfectly.  It was time to call it a night....

What you get:

• + A friend in Moscow.
• + Private & customized Moscow tour.
• + An exciting city tour, not just boring history lessons.
• + An authentic experience of local life.
• + Flexibility during the tour: changes can be made at any time to suit individual preferences.
• + Amazing deals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the very best cafes & restaurants. Discounts on weekdays (Mon-Fri).
• + A photo session amongst spectacular Moscow scenery that can be treasured for a lifetime.
• + Good value for souvenirs, taxis, and hotels.
• + Expert advice on what to do, where to go, and how to make the most of your time.

*This Moscow city tour can be modified to meet your requirements.

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Moscow Travel Guide

• Guide to Russia
• Russian Destination Guide

Why travel to Moscow

Contrasts: 12th century monasteries and some of the tallest skyscrapers in Europe can be found side-by-side in this complex and captivating city. The diversity of this mega-city is astounding. Only a few steps away from the solemn red facade of the Kremlin and the sounds of righteous church bells, a buzzing night scene and alternative-fashion boutiques can be found.

Culture: In Moscow only the best goes. Be it a theatre, restaurant or gallery, the standards are certain to be world-class. The Bolshoi ballet company is reputed to be even better than the Mariinsky’s and “MMOMA” (Moscow’s museum of modern art) exhibits works of art as profound as any that could be found in the famed MOMA.

Convenience: Unlike the rest of Russia, it’s easy enough to get by with just English in Moscow and, driving excepted, it is surprisingly safe: the murder rate is lower than in some of America’s major cities.

Top Sights in Moscow

St. Basil’s

Novodevichy Convent

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• Moscow Fact File
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Why visit Moscow

It would take more than two days to walk around the perimeter of the biggest city in Europe, Moscow. Many of its inhabitants barely know what’s beyond the few blocks around their flat and there are so many attractions that it’s almost impossible to know where to start. If there is such a thing as an antidote to boredom, Moscow City is it. The mind-boggling range and diversity of things to do, places to eat, parks, historical monuments and more means that a vacation in Moscow has a wealth of activities to offer for every type of traveler, from young families to retirees.

Reasons to Vacation in Moscow in 2022

The Bolshoi theatre is familiar to almost everyone as Russia’s grandest theatre, but what people don’t know is that there are many more bolshoi (big) sites in Moscow that are worth travelling all the way to Moscow to see. For more than 100 years, the world’s biggest bell has been hidden behind the Kremlin’s walls and inside Moscow’s main park (which is bigger than some countries!) there is the world’s largest outdoor ice-rink. Travelers that visit Moscow can stay at the Izmailovo, Europe’s biggest hotel, then eat at the largest and most historic McDonald’s in Europe and after that have fun at the largest European indoor theme park!

Ancient Past & Stunning Architecture:

As those who travel to Moscow will see, just because Moscow is a city of record-breaking, glitzy high-rises doesn’t mean that there is no history. On the famous Arbat street, time-worn, wooden storehouses and century-old churches are squashed up against grey, soviet blocks which are then towered over by 21st century office-blocks. Unlike its much younger sibling, St Petersburg, Moscow’s roots stretch way back to the 12th century. Within the walls of the Kremlin, the city’s oldest building the Cathedral of Assumption can be admired in all its 500+ years of age.

Culture & Convenience

For a foreigner who has never visited Russia, Moscow is the perfect stepping stone into this great land of mystery. From the country’s best classical ballet troupes to snow-white troikas trotting through the parks, all the highlights of Russian culture can be had in Moscow without any of the complications that would be expected in other, less developed regions of Russia.

Cheap as Caviar

In Moscow, everything is bargain when with the current foreign exchange rates being what they are. Even caviar doesn’t seem so dear when the exchange rate is at 60rub to the dollar, so go on indulge yourself! Take your 2022 vacation in Moscow and have the best of both worlds, with European luxury at very affordable prices.

Lena, our guide in Moscow was excellent. She was very knowledgable and could answer any question we had for her. We liked that she could pick up on our interests and take us places we might not have thought of to go. When we realized that one of the places we had chosen to see would probably not be that interesting to us, she was able to arrange entry to the Diamond Fund and the Armoury for us. Riding the Metro with Lena was a real adventure and a lot of fun. In Saint Petersburg we found Anna well versed in the history of the Tsars and in the Hermitage collection. Arkady in Veliky Novgorod was a very good guide and answered all of our questions with ease. Novgorod was perhaps a long way to go for a day trip, but we did enjoy it. Vasily was a great driver to have and kept us safe with good humour and skill. We enjoyed ourselves so much, my daughter says she is already planning to return. We would both have no hesistation to recommend ExpresstoRussia to anyone we know.

Just wanted to let you know that My grandson Bruno and I couldn´t have been more pleased with our week in Moscow (6/15 - 6/21). We were absolutely enchanted with the whole experience, including getting lost a couple of times in the Metro during our free time. Although both our guides (both Eleanas) were excellent, I would particularly commend the first one (she took us to the Tatiakov, the KGB tour, and to that beautiful cemetery where so many great Russian artists, authors, composers, musicians, militarists, and politicians are buried). Her knowledge is encyclopedic; and her understanding of today´s Russia as a product of its past was, for us, truly enlightening. I will be taking another tour in Russia, with my wife, within the next two or three years. I will be in touch with you when the time comes. Meanwhile, I will refer you to other potential visitors to Russia as I meet them.

We had a great time both in Moscow and St Petersburg. Your travel agency was excellent in coordinating the whole trip. Everything worked like clockwork. The guides assigned to us were very nice and friendly. They had a great knowledge of their subjects. The cars and the drivers were great. The hotels were good and the itinerary was good. All in all, it was a wonderful experience. It was nice dealing with you and your company. Thank you very much for a great Russian experience. Have a great future ahead

• 31 reviews of Express to Russia Moscow Tours in Moscow

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Gypsy rose blanchard split from husband over arguments, guilt-tripping, gypsy rose blanchard arguments & guilt-tripping by ryan ... led to separation.

Gypsy Rose Blanchard 's post-prison fairytale with her husband came to an end last week -- and now ... we know exactly what led up to the split.

Sources with direct knowledge tell TMZ ...  Gypsy has been telling family and friends that her estranged hubby, Ryan Anderson , had become super argumentative post-prison release and was constantly making her feel like she couldn't do anything right.

We're told one of the major sticking points in Gypsy and Ryan's relationship was his apparent jealousy over her spending time with her dad -- that's what our sources say Gypsy has been telling people anyway.

Instead of supporting her bond with her father, we're told Gypsy feels like Ryan made her feel guilty about not spending that time with him exclusively.

After spending years behind bars, we're told Gypsy was eager to reconnect and build relationships with her family ... and our sources say she felt suffocated by Ryan's constant guilt-tripping. We're also now hearing Gypsy's inner circle had serious concerns about Ryan's intentions -- especially over the fact he only reached out to Gypsy on a dare.

You may recall ... Ryan previously revealed he encouraged a co-worker to write to "Tiger King" star Joe Exotic in prison by saying he'd write to Gypsy in prison as well.

Another interesting tidbit ... we're told recent rumors that Gypsy may be pregnant are not true -- if she was pregnant, she wouldn’t have gotten matching dog tattoos with her ex-fiance, Ken Urker earlier this week ... that's something our sources made clear to us.

As we reported, despite Gypsy spending a lot of time together with her ex post her split from Ryan, we've been told they're not rekindling their romance, this per Ken's own mother.

Remember ... Raina also told us Ken's intentions are pure as gold -- adding she felt Ryan was untrustworthy and doesn't care for her the way Ken does.

She says for Gypsy and Ken to potentially rekindle anything romantic, she'd need to officially divorce Ryan and close that chapter of her life. It's unclear if Gypsy will do that or not.

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Brisbane Lions captain and football boss deny rumours that off-season US trip has caused player rift

Sport Brisbane Lions captain and football boss deny rumours that off-season US trip has caused player rift

Brisbane Lions co-captain Harris Andrews has insisted there are no internal tensions at the club, dismissing the impact of an off-season trip on the club's poor AFL start.

Last year's grand finalists are 0-3 ahead of Friday's Gather Round date with North Melbourne, and feeling the heat after reports the club's 2023 exertions led to a dressing-room rift.

Lions football boss Danny Daly on Monday fronted media to deny there had been a "crisis meeting" after the allegations were aired on Friday.

He labelled reporting of the incident "poor, insensitive and factually incorrect".

Daly said he had called co-captains Andrews and Lachie Neale to seek assurances there was no division within the playing group, and insisted no personal relationships had ended because of the trip.

"It's been an interesting [Easter] from the club's point of view," he said.

"We reached out to our leaders and they reassured us … there is no story.

"I always trust our playing group, that's where it finished. The trip has nothing to do with our on-field performance.

"This group has been through a lot of highs together and a lot of adversity together. We have full confidence in them."

Andrews, who was holidaying in Europe while a small group of teammates went away together in October and November, is confident the squad is not divided.

"Never any tension at all … there's nothing to be stressed about," he said.

"There's been a massive blow-up [externally] over the last couple of days [but] as a group we're united, all in this together. [We] can't control what other people say.

"I'm not walking around going, 'Oh, there's players bickering'.

"We haven't had the start we wanted and people go outside the box to think of reasons why we've started this way."

Neale did not train on Monday after injuring his ankle in the Lions' 20-point loss to Collingwood last Thursday.

But the club said scans had cleared him of any ligament damage and expect him to face the Kangaroos, provided he participates in Wednesday's main session.

The ABC of SPORT

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