trip someone down

13 Reasons Why People Put You Down (+ How To Deal With Them)

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Some people like to have a little dig at others whenever they can.

They belittle them, they make fun of them, and they put them down.

If you are on the receiving end of this type of behavior, it can really hurt your feelings.

So, you may be wondering, why do they do it?

What makes people put others down?

And when it happens to you, what’s the best way of dealing with it? How should you respond?

That’s what we’ll explore in this article.

Let’s start with the reasons…

Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist if someone is putting you down and it’s affecting your mental health. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.

13 Reasons Why People Put Others Down

1. to make themselves feel better..

As backwards as it may sound, these people feel better about themselves by making others feel worse.

They will typically have low self-esteem, and their misguided way of boosting it is to take aim at another person.

Even though they, themselves, are insecure, a common technique they’ll use is to pinpoint the insecurities of others.

Their ego will get temporary relief from its own pain by inflicting hurt upon someone else.

Of course, this relief does not last long, and so the perpetrator is always on the lookout for ways to put people down.

2. They are jealous.

Given their low self-esteem, it aggrieves them to see someone else doing well, in any sense of the word.

Their jealousy causes them to lash out. Their aim is to bring the other person down to their level by belittling their successes or happiness.

Yes, it’s spiteful, but it’s the only way they know how to approach those people who have what they want.

The underlying message is: “If I can’t feel good about myself, neither can you.”

3. To make themselves feel important.

Nobody likes to feel small or insignificant. But some people use put downs to give themselves greater importance.

This is often as part of a group or in a hierarchy where they believe that attacking someone else gives their own standing a boost.

What these people don’t realize is that, whilst this approach might work to a small extent in some cut-throat business arenas, it often has the opposite effect in general life.

4. To make other people like them.

Making someone the butt of a well-considered joke amongst a group of friends can make everyone laugh.

However, some people take this approach in other situations, thinking that it will help others feel more positively toward them.

These people really care what others think of them, but even if they generate some smiles or chuckles at the expense of their victim, the underlying feeling will often be that of awkwardness.

5. To get attention.

Some people feel a little lost when people aren’t paying attention to them. And so they make fun of others in order to get the attention they desire.

Despite the previous point, it’s not unusual for attention-seekers to be almost as happy with negative attention as they are with positive attention.

Any attention makes them feel noticed and gives people a reason to interact with them.

6. To feel in control.

Putting someone else down provides a level of control, and this can make it extremely tempting.

Some people have grown up feeling very little control over their lives, often due to childhood difficulties or trauma.

Many bullies, for instance, either have been or are being bullied themselves and so to get that sense of control back, they “punch down” to someone they perceive as weaker.

7. They are using displacement as a defense mechanism.

The bully in the previous point is an example of someone using the psychological strategy of displacement to deal with their negative emotions.

Essentially, displacement involves taking a hostile emotion from one situation and transferring it to another.

A person may, for example, take their stress, anxiety, or anger from one part of their life and find an outlet for it by knocking others down.

This is an unhealthy and destructive way to deal with one’s own difficult feelings.

8. To weaken the resolve of another person with a view to manipulating them.

This could be the malignant narcissist who simply wants to destroy his victim’s self-esteem in order to control them.

It could also be a person seeking to guilt trip someone into doing what they want them to do.

Putting others down and belittling them can weaken their self-belief and assertiveness, making them easier to influence.

9. They have a negative outlook on life.

Some people seem to live with crippling negativity that affects the way they view everything they come in contact with.

They are, pessimistic, cynical, and utterly disparaging of anyone else’s positivity.

Putting others down is almost second nature to them. It’s an automatic response to anything remotely cheerful.

If you share good news with such a person or seek some words of encouragement, you are likely to receive the polar opposite.

10. They have low social and emotional intelligence.

Some people struggle to grasp many social norms. They do things that most others simply know not to do.

Neither do they have the emotional intelligence to understand that their actions directly affect how other people feel.

Mocking, making fun, and putting others down is something they do because they don’t receive the usual alarms in their mind that tell them what they are doing is not okay.

Often they can’t understand why the target of their mockery is so offended.

11. They fall foul of stereotypes.

They might allow their preconceived notions of who a person is to taint their behavior toward them.

For example, a person who relies on state welfare handouts to get by might be judged, by some, as being lazy, unintelligent, and lacking in ambition.

It doesn’t matter how far from the truth these things are, some people might express such unkind thoughts openly.

12. They are unwilling to listen to an opposing point of view.

When a person holds a particularly strong stance on a topic, they are unlikely to be open to different points of view.

Some people can handle such disagreements in a mature manner, but others will seek to tear down the views and opinions that go against their own.

This can lead to attacks on the views themselves and put downs of the person who holds them.

Phrases such as, “You’re so naive,” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” and “I can’t believe you really think that,” are all forms of belittling.

13. They don’t know how to communicate properly.

Some people may resort to making fun of others because they don’t know how to effectively communicate their true thoughts and feelings.

They either feel unable to express themselves, or they simply cannot find the right words to say what they want to say.

So, to avoid having to try, they use mockery and put downs as a means of distraction and to prevent any heartfelt conversations from taking place.

How To Deal With People Who Put You Down

It is a good idea to seek professional help from one of the therapists at BetterHelp.com as professional therapy can be highly effective in helping you to deal with the effect of the put downs on your mental health and the person saying them.

Now that you know why someone might choose to belittle you, make fun of you, or put you down, what should you do about it?

There are two parts to this. First of all, let’s focus on the internal work you ought to do at this point.

1. Realize that their comments reflect on them, NOT you.

It’s not easy to hear mean words said about you and not be impacted by them in your heart and mind.

At first, the best you can do is to not take their comments personally.

Whatever they say, it’s a reflection of their own insecurities, their own troubles, their own past, and their own warped mindset.

They have expressed a view – perhaps one they don’t even truly believe – for one reason or another, but it is just their view, nothing more.

Remember your power: the power to consciously choose how you react emotionally.

You don’t have to let it affect you.

It is difficult… it really is. BUT, with time and practice, you can reach a point where the spiteful words of others don’t affect you.

2. Consider the counter-evidence.

One of the things you can practice to help you deal with put downs is to take what the other person has said and come up with all of the reasons you can think of as to why it is untrue.

You do this in your mind, and not out loud to the other person.

This reminds you to focus on your positivity, and not their negativity.

It says, “I hear you; I just don’t agree with you.”

Any difficult emotions that have arisen due to the comments can be challenged and turned on their head when you realize that you know the real truth.

Eventually, your mind will be able to counter the negative comments in real-time so that you can bat them away without ever having let them permeate your mind.

3. Put things firmly in perspective.

You have a heck of a lot to celebrate in your life…

…people who care about you and believe in you.

…things you have worked hard at and achieved.  

…pastimes you enjoy doing.

…moments to treasure.

The question you have to ask yourself is whether you are going to allow someone else’s unkind words to overwhelm all of these things you have to be grateful for.

As difficult as it might be to put your emotions to one side in the heat of the moment, try to reflect on how insignificant the put down really is.

It is unlikely to have any effect on your life outside of what you allow.

Sure, if a person repeatedly puts you down, it will certainly affect your relationship with them, but you have control over this.

You might choose to not have that person in your life anymore, for instance.

But their words don’t hold any power over you by themselves.

4. Ask whether there was anything constructive in the put down.

Some people are quite rash with their choice of words. They may express themselves in ways that don’t quite reflect their underlying thoughts or opinions.

Without realizing it, they say something insulting, when they meant to say something constructive.

Whilst nine times out of ten this won’t be the case, it’s good to be on the lookout for that one time when what they said was meant in a different way.

You don’t have to let them off the hook entirely if this is the case, but you can take on board the constructive message underlying the poorly chosen words.

5. Don’t attack them in return.

Let’s now turn our attention to how you should actually respond to the person who has belittled you or made fun of you.

The first and most important point to take on board is to never fight fire with fire.

In other words, don’t be tempted to use a put down of your own to hurt them like they hurt you.

Remember, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

So, what should you do instead?

Well, as hard as it might be, one way of breaking free from the effects of the put down is to empathize with the person who said it.

Keep the previous section in mind and consider that, in many cases, they are saying hurtful words from their own position of pain and/or misery.

They are wounded and are lashing out to try to find some comfort.

This doesn’t mean you have to allow this sort of behavior to continue unchecked, but it does allow you to approach the situation from a calmer and more diplomatic position.

6. Laugh it off.

A good way to respond to a put down is to simply laugh at it.

The person who said it will likely be confused by this response, but by showing how little it affected you, you might persuade them to think twice about doing it again.

If you’re in a group of people, it also gives you a position of strength because self-deprecating humor can make other people warm to you, and not to the perpetrator.

7. Say thank you.

You might be wondering why on earth you would thank someone who has just made fun of you or belittled you in some way.

Well, just like laughter, a thank you can help to disarm the situation and put you in a good light if there are other people present.

Of course, you don’t have to just say thank you, you might say something like:

“Thank you for your opinion, but I wholeheartedly disagree.”

“Thank you for such high praise!” (Said with a sarcastic and ironic tone.)

“Thank you. I look forward to proving you wrong.” (When someone has cast doubts on your ability or likely success.)

8. Tell them how it makes you feel.

Only take this approach if the person who put you down is someone you care about and who cares about you – a good friend, a family member (one who you have a good relationship with), a partner.

In relationships like these, you should feel able to be honest about how the other person has made you feel.

Perhaps something was said in the heat of the moment when tempers were raised.

Or maybe they thought they were being funny and didn’t realize how their words would affect you.

Or perhaps, as hinted at above, they were trying to give you some honest, but hard to hear, advice and it simply came out wrong.

Whatever the situation, responding with, “Perhaps you didn’t intend it to be, but what you just said was quite hurtful,” can make them stop and consider their actions.

Many times, you’ll find the other person to be quite apologetic.

It is best to say this straight away if you can, because it avoids the whole, “I don’t remember saying that” saga if you bring it up at a later date.

9. Exit the situation.

If you don’t think being honest is the right approach, or the person is not someone close to you, you could always choose to walk away from them.

You don’t have to be rude about it. You can just say, “Well, I’ve got to go and do X,” or “On that note, I think it’s best I go now.”

If you are with a group of people and you don’t want to leave entirely, you could just disappear for a few minutes to let the conversation move on to something else.

Maybe use the time to go to the toilet, get some fresh air, order some food or drink, or make a quick phone call.

Then come back and rejoin the group once you’ve had a chance to process the put down and get your emotions in check.

10. Say goodbye to repeat offenders.

If a person often puts you down or makes fun of you, you might wish to get rid of them from your life.

Not all friends are really your friends. Not all family members deserve your time and attention. Not all co-workers require a friendship outside of work. And not all partners are meant to be.

Even if you are unable to say goodbye completely, you can look to minimize the interaction you have with this person.

You can keep things to basic pleasantries and refuse to engage in anything more than is required.

11. Be prepared to defend others who suffer a put down.

If you know how bad it can feel to be on the receiving end of a put down, it pays to step in when someone else is targeted.

You can defend them, state your disagreement with the perpetrator, and make it clear to all those involved that that sort of behavior is not acceptable.

Not only can this convince the individual amongst a group of friends or co-workers to think twice before saying something similar in future, it can encourage others to come to your defense if you are ever the target.

If you have their back, they will be more likely to have yours in return.

And always, always, always remember:

Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.

Is your mental health suffering as a result of someone constantly belittling you and putting you down? Talking to someone can really help you to address and fix this issue. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.

A therapist is often the best person you can talk to. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can guide you and help you to cope with the verbal abuse and feel better about yourself.

BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.

While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.

Online therapy is actually a good option for many people. It’s more convenient than in-person therapy and is more affordable in a lot of cases. And you get access to the same level of qualified and experienced professional.

Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

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• 5 Smart Ways To Handle Shallow People Who Belittle Your Life Choices
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• 10 Telltale Signs Of A Bitter Person (And How To Handle One)
• 14 Signs Of Fake Friends: How To Spot One A Mile Off

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About The Author

Steve Phillips-Waller is the founder and editor of A Conscious Rethink. He has written extensively on the topics of life, relationships, and mental health for more than 8 years.

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How to Trip Someone: A Comprehensive Guide

By Happy Sharer

Introduction

Trip is an action that involves one person pushing or pulling another person off balance in order to make them fall down. This type of movement can be seen in many sports such as wrestling and judo. It can also be used in self-defense situations as a way to incapacitate an opponent. In this article, we will explore how to trip someone without causing injury, different ways to trip an opponent, tips for tripping quickly and efficiently, and the benefits of tripping in self-defense situations.

How to Trip Someone Without Causing Injury

When it comes to tripping someone, it’s important to analyze the situation before you act. This will help you decide which technique is best suited for the situation. You should also keep your body low and use your center of gravity to your advantage. When executing a trip, focus on using momentum rather than force. This will ensure that you don’t cause any injury to the other person.

Different Ways to Trip an Opponent

There are several different techniques that can be used to trip an opponent. The most common is the straight-leg trip, which involves placing one foot behind the other person’s leg and pushing down on their heel. This will cause them to lose their balance and fall. Another technique is the high crotch trip, which involves hooking one arm around the opponent’s waist and pulling them off balance. The collar tie trip involves grabbing the opponent’s collar and using it to pull them off balance. The ankle pick trip involves hooking one arm around the opponent’s ankle and pulling them off balance. Finally, the foot sweep trip involves sweeping the opponent’s feet out from under them.

Tips for Tripping Quickly and Efficiently

In order to execute a successful trip, it’s important to practice proper form. This means keeping your body low and using your center of gravity to your advantage. It’s also important to create a distraction, such as talking or making a noise, to draw the opponent’s attention away from what you’re doing. You can also use surprise by attacking unexpectedly, and don’t hesitate when you make your move. These tips will help you trip your opponent quickly and efficiently.

Benefits of Tripping in Self-Defense Situations

Tripping can be a useful tool in self-defense situations. It can help you escape from dangerous situations by allowing you to push or pull your attacker off balance. It can also be used to subdue an attacker without causing serious injury. Finally, it can be used to incapacitate an opponent, allowing you to get away safely.

Psychology Behind Executing a Successful Trip

Executing a successful trip requires more than just physical skill; it also requires mental preparation. Before attempting a trip, it’s important to visualize the technique and have confidence in your ability to execute it. According to a 2017 study published in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, athletes who practiced visualization techniques had higher confidence levels and improved performance. Developing a strong mental game is key to executing a successful trip.

Trip is an effective technique that can be used in self-defense situations to incapacitate an opponent. It requires physical skill and mental preparation. To execute a successful trip, it’s important to analyze the situation, choose the right technique for the situation, keep your body low and use your center of gravity, focus on using momentum rather than force, and practice proper form. Additionally, it’s important to create a distraction, use surprise, and don’t hesitate. With the right knowledge and practice, anyone can learn how to trip someone without causing injury.

(Note: Is this article not meeting your expectations? Do you have knowledge or insights to share? Unlock new opportunities and expand your reach by joining our authors team. Click Registration to join us and share your expertise with our readers.)

Hi, I'm Happy Sharer and I love sharing interesting and useful knowledge with others. I have a passion for learning and enjoy explaining complex concepts in a simple way.

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Why the 'Guilt Trip' Comes Naturally (but Can Be Problematic)

Guilt-tripping is common in relationships. While it can sometimes help get what you want, like your partner to change their mind, it can do more harm than good long term.

Picture this: Your partner asks you to wash the dishes tonight, and you really don’t feel like it, even though it’s your night to do the dishes.

“Rather than just saying ‘Honey, I’m so tired, I would so appreciate it if you would wash the dishes tonight and then I’ll double up the next two nights,'” you might take a less honest way out instead, says Becky White , a marriage and family therapist and founder of Root to Rise Therapy in Los Angeles.

“‘Well you hurt my feelings earlier today and so you owe me because you were mean … so, you do the dishes.'”

In this scenario, you might be laying on a guilt trip.

What is a guilt trip?

“A guilt trip is best defined as the intentional manipulation of another person’s emotions to induce feelings of guilt,” explains Liza Gold , a social worker and founder and director of Gold Therapy NYC.

In other words, it’s when one person, either purposely or unintentionally, tries to make someone feel guilty, remorseful, or bad about their decisions or choices. The guilt trip is crafted to get someone to change how they think, feel, or might act.

Who uses guilt-tripping?

Guilt trips tend to occur most frequently (and successfully) in close relationships, such as friendships, families, and romantic relationships.

Here’s why: To effectively make someone change their mind or actions, the guilt-tripper has to know that the other person cares about them and wants to avoid causing them pain or distress.

Why does it happen?

“Guilt-tripping is a natural form of passive-aggression that people result to when they don’t have the skills or language to assertively communicate their needs or feelings,” explains Gold.

That’s why, she says, you often see this behavior in children who haven’t yet learned how to ask for what they need.

But it can also happen when someone feels frustrated, annoyed, or sad and doesn’t know how to adequately express their feelings .

Signs someone might be trying to guilt-trip you

• making sarcastic or passive-aggressive comments, like “glad you’re finally paying attention to me”
• reminding you of their hard work or saying, “I do so much for you, so you should do this for me”
• bringing up past mistakes, even if they’re not relevant to the current situation, to make it seem like you never do anything right or “good” for them
• telling you that you “owe” them
• dismissing your efforts to make things better
• calling you a “bad” person, friend, or partner
• acting angry or distant but refusing to talk about what’s wrong
• giving you the silent treatment

Is guilt-tripping toxic?

Most folks have tried to elicit sympathy through a guilt trip once or twice. That doesn’t make anyone automatically toxic — especially if there wasn’t any real harm intended.

And guilt — in and of itself — isn’t a bad emotion. When we feel guilty for hurting someone, it can motivate us to apologize and do better in the future.

Sometimes parents might use guilt-tripping on purpose to teach their children a lesson.

“Parents occasionally rely on guilt-tripping to teach their children right from wrong,” explains Gold. “For example, [they might say] ‘you shouldn’t have hit your friend, Tommy. You hurt him.’ [And] the idea behind guilt-tripping children is to teach them resourcefulness when they have caused emotional or physical harm to another.”

However, people who guilt-trip are often trying to manipulate another person to achieve a goal — and that can be toxic behavior.

“It leaves the receiver feeling bad and ashamed for expressing their preferences or feelings,” Gold says. There are better ways to communicate and reach a compromise without having to hurt someone or your relationship.

A 2014 study found that guilt-tripping comes at a cost in romantic relationships: The person who gives in to the guilt trip can feel manipulated and worse about the relationship.

Meanwhile, a 2013 study suggests that when guilt-tripping happens frequently, it can lead to resentment and a loss of closeness and intimacy.

Repeated guilt-tripping takes a toll on your mental health, too.

A 2010 study found that persistent guilt can worsen anxiety, depression, and OCD, while a 2018 study found that when guilt leads to shame , it can affect self-esteem and promote isolation.

Guilt-tripping can also be a form of emotional abuse , especially if your partner:

• will never accept your apologies for mistakes
• makes no efforts to change or stop manipulating you
• makes you feel like you can’t do anything right

Is gaslighting the same as guilt-tripping?

No, gaslighting and guilt-tripping are not the same things — but they are both forms of manipulation. They can both be forms of emotional abuse.

“ Gaslighting differs from guilt-tripping in that the intention of gaslighting is to deny another person’s reality, whereas the intent of guilt-tripping is to induce guilty feelings,” explains Gold.

However, she continues, “guilt-tripping can be a form of gaslighting if the message being communicated denies the other person’s reality, [but] not all gaslighting is guilt-tripping.”

How to deal with guilt-tripping

If someone is trying to guilt-trip you, there are a few things you can do:

Depersonalize the guilt-trip

It can be helpful, says White, to realize that the person trying to guilt-trip is doing so because of their issues — not yours. “It’s about the other person’s inability to express their needs in a healthy way,” she explains.

Articulate your boundaries

If someone is repeatedly trying to guilt-trip you, you are in your right to state your boundaries and feelings.

For example, suggests Gold, you could say, “I don’t appreciate being made to feel guilty for expressing what I want or feel. I’m sorry it’s not the answer you wanted to hear but I’m not going to feel bad about having my own preferences.”

Listen and validate their feelings

As tough as it might be if you’re feeling hurt, it can sometimes be helpful to offer to listen and figure out why someone is trying to guilt-trip you.

You can ask open-ended questions, listen to how they’re feeling, and validate their feelings or frustrations.

For example, you could say, “You seem upset. Do you want to talk about it?”

Offer a compromise

For example, say your friend wanted to hang out after work, but you’re not up to it. You could tell them you can’t make it tonight, but consider suggesting a different time when you would be available.

Seek professional help

If guilt-tripping is a permanent feature in your relationship, consider reaching out to a therapist for either individual or couples therapy .

It can help you figure out how to deal with the behavior, find ways to change it, or — in the case of persistent emotional abuse — help you figure out how to leave a toxic relationship .

If you think you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, online, on the phone, or via text for support.

Let’s recap

Guilt-tripping can come easily, even if you don’t intend it.

So if you’ve resorted to this tactic in your life, don’t beat yourself up. But if you find yourself doing it, it might be worth asking yourself why you’re doing it, and communicate more directly how you’re feeling .

And if you’re experiencing guilt-tripping from someone else, there are ways to deal with it. A therapist can also help you cope.

Last medically reviewed on April 27, 2022

6 sources collapsed

• Gold L. (2022). Personal interview.
• Humeny C. (2013). A qualitative investigation of a guilt trip. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/259189194_A_Qualitative_Investigation_of_a_Guilt_Trip
• Miceli M, et al. (2018). Reconsidering the differences between shame and guilt. https://ejop.psychopen.eu/index.php/ejop/article/view/1564
• Overall NC, et al. (2014). Attachment anxiety and reactions to relationship threat: The benefits and costs of inducing guilt in romantic partners. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24079298/
• Tilghman-Osborne C, et al. (2010). Definition and measurement of guilt: Implications for clinical research and practice. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735810000474?via%3Dihub
• White B. (2022). Personal interview.

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Even if you both know it's the right thing, even if it's been coming for a while, going through a breakup or ending things with someone you're dating can be totally overwhelming — which is why it's easy to avoid confrontation and procrastinate rather than actually doing the deed. But if you know that you want to end things with someone, it has to be done. Even though there's no perfect way to break up or break it off with someone you're dating, there are ways to let someone down gently — and it's really crucial that you do your best to make it a smooth transition.

Because breakups can stay with you for a long time, especially the bad ones. " A cruel breakup can forever change the trajectory of a person’s approach to relationships," Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show tells Bustle. "It can be traumatizing, it can trigger depression, and it can create a basic fear and mistrust of others. A bad breakup can have enough of a negative impact that without professional intervention the person can develop very unhealthy dating and relationship patterns... If you have experienced a significant breakup — and in particular if it is a cruel one — the best thing to do is to go get therapy to help you transition from a place of hurt to a place of strength."

So how do you make sure you're letting them down as gently as possible? Here's what experts say you need to remember.

Do It As Soon As You're Sure

If you know that you're not feeling it — whether it's only been a few dates or you've been dating for years — it's important to let them know as soon as possible.

"If you know that someone has feelings for you, but you have different plans, dragging out the breakup is cruel," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating , tells Bustle. "Once you know that your partner is no longer in your plans, it’s best to be upfront from the start. Don't prolong the process."

Create A Dialogue

If the relationship isn't working, there's a good chance it's not working for either of you. Try to open up a conversation where you talk about both of your needs and wants — and why this relationship isn't delivering.

"I think engaging in a conversation about what people want individually in their lives is helpful," licensed psychologist, and founder and CEO of Rapport Relationships, Dr. Jennifer B. Rhodes , tells Bustle. It also gives your partner a chance to ask questions and for you to answer them, to let the healing process begin.

Do It In Person

If you've gone on more than a few dates, you likely owe them a face-to-face conversation — or at least a phone call. "In this age of texting, please do not break up via text message," relationship counselor and clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of Eros Coaching , tells Bustle. "Besides coming across as cold and uncaring, a breakup text does not give the other person a chance for proper closure — to ask questions, hear your tone of voice, or see your facial expression on how you feel ending the relationship. The pain and the healing process may drag on, and your now-ex may continue to contact you — repeatedly. If you care about the person, do it in the best way possible." If it's been a long-term relationship — and it's not a toxic one — doing it in person is usually the only way.

Mention The Positives

If you really want to let them down gently, don't just focus on what didn't work. "Tell them what you realized, tell them about your priorities and what you like in a relationship," Dr. Lee says. "This allows both of you process why the breakup is happening, and have a direct conversation about it." If you think that they're a great person, but just not the right match for you, make sure that they know that.

You may be tempted to make up something to make it all go smoothly — but fibbing can actually be really patronizing. "Giving obvious excuses or lies when breaking up, even if you’re trying to make the other person feel better, only adds insult to injury," Bennett says. "While you don’t need to get into every detail about why you’re breaking up, cliches and lies (e.g. 'It’s not you; it’s me') are just going to make the situation worse." Honesty is the best policy.

Don't Leave Any Room For Confusion

It's really important not to leave any ambiguity lingering in the air. "Breaking up is uncomfortable for the dumper, but it's far worse for the dumpee," bestselling author and relationship expert, Susan Winter , tells Bustle. "The kindest way to break up with someone is to do it cleanly, and with clarity. Leaving wiggle room for your ex to wonder, 'Is it really over?' only serves to torture them in the long run. Being vague is not compassionate." So no matter how hard it is, be direct and clear.

Resist The Backslide

Finally, letting someone down gently isn't just about the actual breakup — it's also about what happens afterward. If you don't want to be with this person, going back to them or continuing to hook up with them can be very, very cruel. You should only make any move toward getting back together if you're sure it's the right thing — and what you want.

“The only reason you should ever get back together with an ex is because you’re willing to accept them exactly as they are,” sex and relationship expert Ravid Yosef tells Bustle. “Acceptance, no matter the circumstances, is the only way that you can make it when that thing that was wrong in the first place creeps up again.” Unless you're willing to do that, avoid backsliding.

There's no perfect way to end things with someone, but you can try to let them down as gently as possible. This means being clear and direct, but also giving them room to ask questions and have their say. And, whatever you do, remember that it's important not to give them any mixed signals or go back to them just for comfort. You're making the choice to break things off, so it's up to you to set healthy boundaries.

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How to recognize a guilt trip & respond when it happens.

If someone has ever tried to make you feel bad about something without directly saying it, you may well have been a victim to guilt tripping. This behavior isn't uncommon, but if you don't know what to look for, you might not realize it's happening. Here's how to spot guilt trip signs, plus how to deal with it, according to experts.

What does "guilt trip" really mean?

Guilt tripping is a type of behavior that involves making someone feel guilty for something rather than directly expressing your displeasure. As therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW, explains to mbg, it's a form of manipulation designed to either make the person feel bad or to get them to do something you want by evoking guilt.

According to both Page and licensed marriage and family therapist  Shane Birkel, LMFT, guilt tripping is classic passive-aggressive behavior because it indicates an inability—or at least an unwillingness—to communicate in a healthy and constructive way.

This kind of behavior can be seen across all kinds of relationships, from romantic to parent-child relationships to friendships, and even in the workplace between bosses or co-workers.

Why it's not OK to guilt trip someone.

It's not a bad thing to express when you feel hurt or upset by someone else's behavior, Page notes, but when you start to become passive aggressive and manipulative about it, that's when it becomes a problem. "Guilt tripping is indirect and manipulative, [and] it works by making people feel bad about themselves," he says.

Birkel adds that guilt tripping also doesn't require the same vulnerability as directly sharing your hurt and how you're feeling. "It's shaming the other person, making comments that make the other person feel bad, sort of blaming and attacking—and so in that way, I don't think there's ever an appropriate or OK situation to guilt trip. It's always going to be a harsh way of treating the other person," he notes.

Open and vulnerable communication, such as saying, "Hey, I understand we all run late sometimes, but it makes me feel like you're not prioritizing our time together when you show up late," for example, would not be guilt tripping, Birkel adds.

Is guilt tripping a form of gaslighting?

Gaslighting and guilt tripping are not the same, though they have "large areas of overlap," according to Page. He notes that gaslighting is all about denying someone's reality to make them question themselves, which is a "deep form of manipulation."

Guilt tripping is more about making someone feel bad or guilty for their behavior. That said, dark personality types like narcissists and other toxic people will often use both of these manipulation tactics freely and without remorse, Page explains.

Common signs to look out for:

• Behavior and comments meant to make you feel guilty or bad
• Making you feel like you owe them something
• Refusal to say what's wrong but acting upset
• Expressing negative feelings about you in indirect ways
• Comments like "I must not mean that much to you," "I'm glad you could finally squeeze me into your busy schedule," or, "I do so much for you," etc.
• Talking about you as a bad person, partner, friend, etc.
• Withholding affection and/or attention as punishment
• Passive-aggressive behavior

The main things you want to look for when it comes to someone guilt tripping you are an inability to express negative feelings directly and behavior that makes you feel guilty. As Page explains, "When you feel that sharp pang of guilt, ask yourself, what is happening? Are you being made to feel that you are less of a good person, or were they actually bothered appropriately by something you did that you need to fix and correct?"

When you become aware of how guilt feels in your body and the thoughts it makes you think, that's the quickest way to identify guilt tripping behavior, he adds. And if you're noticing a trend that this person has a hard time expressing when you've done something that bothers them, that's a telltale sign too.

Reasons for guilt tripping.

There are plenty of reasons that people resort to guilt tripping, whether subconscious or very much conscious. A lot of the time, Page explains, it's simply the "easiest" option, compared to actually being vulnerable and stating your needs and feelings in a direct way.

Sometimes people want sympathy, sometimes they want to manipulate your behavior, and sometimes they may just be looking for attention. But the key is they're not willing to be outright about what they're wanting from the interaction.

According to Birkel, guilt tripping someone can also be "a twisted way of trying to get compassion." They're trying to make you feel bad about what you did because they want you to understand how it hurt them, he says.

"Often, when we feel that something is wrong but we don't feel that we have a right to ask for what we want, we use guilt tripping or other passive-aggressive behavior instead," Page explains. "In other words, our guilt around our own needs makes us guilt trip other people."

Birkel also notes this kind of behavior can stem from having this behavior modeled for you growing up, as well as not having your needs met as a child. "If someone grew up in a family where they weren't allowed to have a voice, or their wants and needs were shut down by a parent, they might start guilt tripping others because they never learned how to communicate directly," he explains.

How to respond to a guilt trip.

How you choose to respond when someone guilt trips you will depend on everything from your communication style to how much patience you have in the moment and how serious the situation is. In extreme cases, especially in situations where you're being unfairly blamed for something, you always have the option to set a boundary and walk away from the conversation.

With all that said, Page and Birkel both recommend extending compassion when you can. "Underneath the guilt tripping is a request, hidden in blaming, passive-aggressive behavior," Page explains. And as Birkel notes, that hidden request is often compassion and understanding.

For starters, there might be an apology you can and should make if you did actually hurt this person (intentionally or not). Birkel suggests starting there, and to emphasize that you understand why they're feeling the way they do. That can sound like "I understand why you're upset, and I apologize for X."

Then, once the apology is made earnestly and accepted, perhaps a couple of hours later, he says you can bring up that you didn't appreciate the way they approached the conversation, saying something like, "Again, I understand why you were upset, and I felt like you were trying to make to feel guilty, so I'm hoping you could communicate with me more directly about what's going on for you in the future."

Ultimately, Page says, it's important that you and the other person both get to speak your mind about how you're really feeling. In some cases, for instance, you might be letting somebody down and disappointing them, but that doesn't mean that you have anything to feel guilty for; you just might not be able to meet their expectations, he explains. "On the other hand, when you listen to what they want and need, if it feels valid, you might want to reconsider your actions," he adds.

It comes down to honest, open, and vulnerable communication, which is a skill that can take time to cultivate. But the good news is, the more you practice healthy communication , the easier it becomes over time.

The bottom line.

Guilt tripping can range from small, rare instances to extreme cases of manipulation. If things escalate to the point of emotional abuse , remove yourself from the situation as best you can. Otherwise, guilt tripping is a behavior (albeit a frustrating one) that can be worked on and improved with healthy communication and vulnerability.

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• Relationships

How to Let Someone Down Gently

Last Updated: February 23, 2024 Approved

This article was co-authored by JT Tran . JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, several readers have written to tell us that this article was helpful to them, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 455,508 times.

Letting someone down gently after you are no longer interested in them can be emotionally difficult. However, if you're interested in sparing your ex's feelings there are steps you can take to let him or her down easy. Choose effective communication strategies, avoid common pitfalls of breakups, and end the conversation in a manner that allows you both to move on.

Communicating Effectively

• Face-to-face is ideal for difficult conversations . Humans evolved to pick up on non-verbal cues and signals that are reassuring during difficult conversations. An impromptu pat on the shoulder, for example, can reassure someone they are essentially lovable even if this one relationship did not work out. A look of sadness on your face can help your partner see you truly care about their feelings, despite the fact you feel the relationship should end. [1] X Research source
• If possible, choose to have the talk at a place where your significant other feels comfortable. Choose to stop by their apartment to talk, for example. It may feel uncomfortable for you but giving someone a slight sense of power during a difficult conversation can help them digest bad news.
• If you anticipate a long conversation, try to choose a time where the conversation will not be cut short by external factors. Do not, for example, break up with your longterm boyfriend an hour before he has to leave for work. Instead, choose to stop by his place shortly after dinner on a weeknight. This will allow any lingering loose threads to be addressed.

• For example, if you become less physically affectionate in order to show your partner you're losing interest your partner might question their own attractiveness. If you want to let someone down easily, you need to take full responsibility for your decision.

• The essential message that most breakups boil down to is, "You're not what I'm looking for." It's perfectly okay to express this. This will allow the recipient to have a sense of closure as they will understand your reasoning. It's okay to gently say something like, "I'm sorry, but I'm not in love with you anymore. I need something different right now and I think we should go our separate ways." If it's a less serious relationship, you can keep the statement briefer. Something like, "Sorry, but I'm not feeling a significant spark between us. I think we would be better off friends." [3] X Research source
• Honesty is important, but it does not have to be brutal. It's not a good idea to go over your partner's past mistakes or current pitfalls. If you're leaving because you're no longer attracted to your partner, for example, this might be best unsaid. If you want to let someone down easily, keep your statements for ending the relationship general and don't hesitate to praise your partner's good qualities instead of talking about what didn't work. This helps convey the message that you simply don't want to be with them anymore instead of insulting them as a person. [4] X Research source

• Reader Poll: We asked 185 wikiHow readers who’ve turned someone down, and 71% of them agreed the best way to say you’re not interested is by being honest and straightforward, but gentle and kind. [Take Poll]

• Try to speak from the heart rather than going over a prepared speech.
• Letting someone down can be difficult but remaining calm and collected is important. This way, you'll be able to get your words out in a concise manner. Becoming overly emotional can result in confusing rambling, obscuring the message at hand. Try to spend some time emotionally preparing for the conversation by running over a script in your head. [6] X Research source
• You could write down some of what you plan to say. While memorizing a speech may not be the best route, this can make you come off as cold, having some idea of what you can say can help you focus. Practice your words a few times before the confrontation. [7] X Research source

Avoiding Pitfalls

• Avoiding negativity of any kind is one of the best ways to spare someone's feelings. Going over past mistakes or resentments can spur an argument, resulting in an unclean and unpleasant breakup. [10] X Research source
• If you suspect your partner may not take the breakup well, keep in mind they may try to blame you. Avoid being sucked into a negative conversation. If your partner tries to put you down for your actions, counter with something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way but it doesn't change my decision." [11] X Research source

• In general, it's best to not get others involved. Instead, try to keep things between you and your ex. Mutual friends with good intentions can interfere and make the situation more complicated than it needs to be.

Moving Forward

• Emphasize all the good things your partner has done for you. Make sure she leaves the conversation feeling like the relationship was worthwhile even if it did not work out. Say something like, "You really made me feel good about myself and pushed me to be a kinder, more empathetic person. I will always be grateful for that." [12] X Research source
• Encourage gratitude. While acknowledging it may take some time, encourage your partner to cherish the good times you had together. Relationships are primarily social exchanges and people have a natural tendency to search for their benefits. Your partner will appreciate you helping them seek positives even as the relationship ends. [13] X Research source

Should I Let Them Down?

• If you hope that you can get them to break up with you, then don't try and let them down gently. You can't expect them to do the work for you -- you need to end things yourself.
• If they don't pick up on the hints or being gentle doesn't work, you need to be ready to step in and end the relationship firmly.

• A gentle let down can give someone the impression that you may want to rekindle things later in life. If you don't want this, end it quickly.
• If you're being gentle because you are worried about your safety, just end things quickly. Don't worry about being gentle. If you're worried about their reaction, bring a trusted friend along.
• If you've had some disagreements lately and just need some space, you should let them down gently, allowing you to resume friendship when the dust has settled.

• Don't rush into this decision. Wait 2-3 weeks to see if your feelings change. Try writing a list of pros and cons to help clarify your decision. Use this to see if there are things you can adjust rather than simply ending the relationship.
• Many people like the "gentle let down" because it lets you change your mind later on. If you do keep changing your mind, however, you are likely in a short lull, not some relationship crisis.
• If you keep having the same old fights every day, then you should consider ending it once and for all.

• If they seem distant as well, and you just don't feel the spark anymore, you should go ahead and let them down nice and gently.

• Ending a manipulative or abusive relationship.
• Ending a Friendship .
• Breaking up.
• Rekindling the relationship.

Expert Q&A

Tips from our Readers

• Say something positive before you let them down, then end with another positive thing. Think of it like a sandwich--the first piece of bread is a compliment, the let-down is the middle, and the bottom piece of bread is another compliment.
• If you have to end a romantic relationship, know that the other person might not want to be your friend immediately. Even if they are hurt and say mean things or don't want to talk to you, give them space to feel their feelings.
• Avoid cliches like "It's not you, it's me" or "You deserve better." Use your own words, even if you just say, "I don't know, I'm trying to figure it out."

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• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201012/the-thoroughly-modern-guide-breakups
• ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201509/4-ways-break-someone-compassionately

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6 Ways to Turn Someone Down, Politely

Unsolicited offers of favors can lead to awkward situations. here's how to deal..

Posted May 7, 2016 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

There are hundreds of instances in which a favor that seems like a favor to the person making the offer isn’t one to the potential recipient. Before blurting out “No, thank you,” examine your motives: Some people have trouble being offered help in general because they don’t feel they deserve it. In other cases, the favor involves a matter of personal preference such as someone offering you a piece of cake while you’re trying to cut down on sugar. If you’re in a meeting or restaurant that’s ice cold, and a relative stranger offers to lend you a jacket, you may just feel like you’d rather not put on someone else’s clothes. When money is involved, all bets are off because so much depends on who, what, and why as well as what you might be expected to do in return.

Some favors are inappropriately offered, reflecting a lack of insight on the part of the person making the offer. A neighbor asks how you’re doing and you say “OK," and even though you’re not, your neighbor would not necessarily be doing you a favor by noting that you don’t actually look OK and offering to give you a hug.

In all of these cases, deciding what you object to about the unsolicited offer should help guide your response. It’s possible that, upon further reflection, you decide to accept the offer after all: Maybe you could use a little sugar boost or your shoulders are turning to icicles.

But if you’re still unable to bring yourself to accept, it's time to move to your actual response.

Research on favors tends to focus on how to ask for, not turn down , the offer of a favor. For example, in the “ legitimization of the paltry favor (LPF) ” phenomenon, you let someone know what you’re asking for, such as donation to a crowd-funding campaign you’re running. You let a colleague know that you’re trying to raise money for your honeymoon and say that “any amount will help.” This makes the amount seem “paltry” and therefore makes it difficult for the colleague to refuse. It seems like a legitimate request, and it’s small in total amount, so you would find it to be difficult or awkward to refuse to help.

The underlying basis for the LPF is that people don’t want to seem cheap or unwilling to help. In the original formulation of the LPF in the 1970s, Arizona State University social psychologist Robert Cialdini and collaborators set out to show that the best way to get a favor is to make a small request which your target will find difficult to refuse. In a recent study on the LPF, California State University’s Jessica Russell teamed up with Michigan State University’s Franklin Boster (2015) to investigate the role of impression management on the effect. In other words, people will accede to the small favor because they want to appear in a favorable light. They will be especially likely to do so, Russell and Boster found, when the favor being requested benefits a prosocial cause and the person requesting is also giving his or her own donation—you especially don’t want to look cheap when it’s a good cause and the person asking you is also contributing.

Now let’s look at the flip side of the equation: You’re being asked to allow someone to help you , i.e., do a favor for you, but you don’t want to accept. There is no reason to think twice about saying no other than that you don’t want to look like an ingrate. You want to manage your impression as a person who expresses gratitude and is therefore decent and honorable. Saying no would give the other person reason to think less of you.

This begs the question of whether people actually do judge you more harshly when you turn down their offer of a favor than when you accept it. To answer this question, put yourself in the place of that other person. If you held out a brownie to a coworker and the coworker said, “No thank you,” would you think the coworker was rude? Would you even remember the episode five minutes later? Chances are you would not. What if you offered that sweater or jacket to a chilly companion and she said, “No, I’m OK.” How much thought would you give to that interaction?

Impression management is at play whether we give or get. Social interactions by their very nature involve a certain degree of wanting to appear a certain way to the other person. However, unlike donations to charitable causes, you are not putting anyone out by not accepting a favor. The only negative outcome would be hurting the other person’s feelings by not appearing grateful . Therefore, the only worry you should have is that you seem ungrateful for the gesture.

You can solve this by approaching your refusal in the following ways:

• Be gracious in your thanks, unless you need to turn off the offer (such as the hug).
• Wait before you say no, so that it doesn’t look like an automatic rejection of the person making the offer.
• See if there’s something else you can accept, if not the original offer.
• Don’t take the offer but then not actually use it.
• Indicate your willingness to take an offer of this nature—and be honest.
• Don’t overthink it. The other person will probably move on without concern after your polite refusal, especially if you’ve worked hard to preserve the impression that you are grateful.

Potentially uncomfortable interactions don’t have to be that way if you grease the social wheels with an appropriate amount of respect for those with whom you interact. Showing gratitude is perhaps the most effective grease there is, and a way to keep your relationships as fulfilling as possible, no matter who says “yes” or “no."

Follow me on Twitter @swhitbo for daily updates on psychology, health, and aging. Feel free to join my Facebook group, " Fulfillment at Any Age ," to discuss today's blog, or to ask further questions about this posting.

Copyright Susan Krauss Whitbourne 2016.

Russell, J., & Boster, F. J. (2016). Mediation of the legitimization of paltry favors technique: The impact of social comparison and nature of the cause. Communication Reports, 29(1), 13-22. doi:10.1080/08934215.2015.1080850

Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. , is a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her latest book is The Search for Fulfillment.

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How to Stop Putting Others Down

Last Updated: August 24, 2022 References

This article was co-authored by William Gardner, PsyD . William Gardner, Psy.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice located in San Francisco, CA’s financial district. With over 10 years of clinical experience, Dr. Gardner provides individually tailored psychotherapy for adults using cognitive behavioral techniques, to reduce symptoms and improve overall functioning. Dr. Gardner earned his PsyD from Stanford University in 2009, specializing in evidence-based practices. He then completed a post-doc fellowship at Kaiser Permanente. This article has been viewed 15,268 times.

Putting other people down is often a sign of insecurity. Criticizing others may make you feel superior at first, but it doesn't last, and it usually makes you feel worse than you did when you started. This article can help you move towards being kinder to other people (and yourself).

Speaking Thoughtfully

• Remember that cruel words can linger. The person may remember what you told them for a month, a year, or even the rest of their lives. They may spend a long time thinking about it or wondering why you would say this to them. They may feel rejected, hurt, isolated, or unloved. [1] X Research source
• Being judged by others may stunt someone's emotional growth. [2] X Research source Even if you think you're "just helping," you're actually harming them.

• "That car cut me off! What a jerk!" can be replaced by "Maybe that person is late for something important, or is rushing someone to the hospital. While it stinks to be cut off, I recognize there may have been an important reason."
• "He's so fat and unhealthy" can be replaced by "He may have a medical condition, or be going through a rough time. Self care might be a struggle for him. I don't know why he looks like this, but I know that he deserves kindness and respect."
• "I can't believe she cancelled again! What a flake!" can be replaced by "Maybe she's going through a really rough time right now, or is overwhelmed by a busy schedule. I could ask her why she's cancelled so often lately, and if she is okay."
• "I can't believe those parents allow their child to throw a tantrum like that" can be replaced by "Maybe that kid is going through a rough time. Maybe they didn't sleep well, or they lost a pet yesterday, or they have a disability that makes public outings hard for them. It's not necessarily the parents' fault."

• "I'm not sure I follow your line of reasoning. Could you explain?"
• "I've noticed that you seem to hide from Tim when he comes over. Is there something that bothers you about his visits?"

• "I wonder if that was the best approach."
• "Are you sure? I'm a little worried that ____ could happen."
• "Does a part of you regret that?"
• "Sounds like your impulses may have gotten the best of you."
• "I think there may be a better way to handle this. Would you like to brainstorm together?"

• "I'm really sorry that what I said hurt or upset you. It really wasn't my intention."
• "I shouldn't have said that. That was very inappropriate. Sorry."
• "I'm sorry I criticized your new haircut. I was feeling bad about myself, and I thought snide remarks might help me feel better. It was a bad idea. I'm really sorry."
• "I'm sorry I told you that you were too sensitive, Brenda. That wasn't kind or fair of me. In a way, I admire how open you are about your feelings, and I wish that I could do that too. But instead I felt threatened and lashed out. It was immature and wrong, and I'm sorry."

Adjusting Your Attitude

• Figure out why you feel this way.
• Work on helping yourself feel better.

• "I" language helps you focus on communicating your feelings, without making accusations. For example, "I felt really hurt when you said that."
• Nonviolent communication helps you format observations, needs, and requests. For example, "It's late, and your music is loud. I'm having trouble sleeping. Would you please turn it down or wear headphones?"

• Different things are right for different people. For example, maybe one woman will be happiest getting married, having kids, and being a stay-at-home mom while her sister will be happiest focusing on her career and getting a dog. Neither one is wrong.
• Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean that it is bad. It might be perfectly good for someone else. In fact, if you learn about it, you may even find that you like it too!
• Of course, if someone is hurting someone else, that's not okay. Other people's right to be different doesn't entitle them to be cruel towards other people.

• Blaming a victim may only make them self-isolate more, which can harm their recovery process.
• Even if it was partially or fully their fault, don't focus on blame. Instead, talk to them about how to handle the new situation and make things better. Showing an absence of judgment can help them stop judging themselves, and forgive themselves for their mistakes.

• "I'm lazy" can turn into "I have been a little overwhelmed lately. I'm allowed to take time off for myself."
• "I can't believe I did that! I'm so stupid!" can turn into "Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. This is embarrassing, but normal."
• "I'm not as smart as Tina" can turn into "Yes, Tina is talented. I'm talented too, in my own way. I'm good at consoling people who are sad, drawing great pictures, and staying organized. I can appreciate Tina's skills while still valuing my own skills."
• "I'm a horrible person" can turn into "I have flaws, just like everyone else. I've hurt people in the past, and I'm working to become a better person now."

• Try complimenting people on things that they can control (e.g. hairstyle, work ethic, attitude, kindness, etc.). These compliments can be especially effective.
• Make a game of it if you want. Try for a high score of most smiles created in a day.

• What are your triggers? Try to notice when something sets you on edge.
• Try to intervene when you can feel yourself starting to lose self-control. Take a break. Do something that helps you re-balance and feel better.

• Set boundaries and time limits, like "I can't come this time" or "I have 15 minutes and then I need to go."

Expert Q&A

• Try changing the subject when other people are gossiping. If they insist on gossip, say "This is making me uncomfortable" and change the subject again. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.theodysseyonline.com/an-open-letter-to-those-who-like-to-put-people-down
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/theory-knowledge/201305/making-judgments-and-being-judgmental
• ↑ https://www.straighttalkcounseling.org/post/learning-how-to-empathize-rather-than-judge
• ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950
• ↑ https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/judgmental-people/

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How To Help Someone Having a Bad Trip, According to Medical Professionals

When someone takes a psychoactive substance like a hallucinogen or cannabis , they often experience a trip. A trip is a set of hallucinations and other psychological symptoms that come from using a substance. Some psychoactive trips can be pleasant, but others lead to troubling experiences and mental status changes. If a loved one uses a drug and has a bad trip, it’s important to know how to help the person through the ordeal.

What Are the Signs of a Bad Trip, and How Can They Be Avoided?

Signs of a bad trip are very subjective based on what the person is hallucinating and if they perceive it as concerning, scary, dangerous, or otherwise uncomfortable. Common signs of a trip, which may be bad for some, include :

• Hallucinations
• Intensified sensory experiences
• Changes in awareness of time

Risk factors have been identified for bad trips, especially those related to psilocybin (shrooms). Researchers have found that mental health symptoms like neurosis make a person more likely to have a bad trip.

When to Seek Medical Attention

If ever in doubt whether someone is having a bad trip, contact poison control at 1-800-222-1222 or by chat here . 

However, some symptoms warrant a call to 911. If you or a loved one experience any of these symptoms, call 911 immediately. You will not get in trouble for saving someone’s life, even if you have been taking drugs yourself:

• Increased heart rate
• Increased blood pressure
• Increased breathing rate
• Excessive sweating
• Being a danger to oneself or others

Step-by-Step Instructions on How To Help Someone Experiencing a Bad Trip

The most important ways you can help someone overcome a bad trip are calmly supporting them throughout the trip and calling for help when necessary. 

Step One: Recognize That the Person Is Having a Bad Trip

The first step in overcoming a problem is identifying it. If a person has a bad trip, having someone else there to realize there is a problem is vital. 

Step Two: Make Sure the Person Is in a Safe Place

Having a bad trip can be very scary. The person may feel out of control physically and mentally. Ensure they are in a place where they can work through their trip safely.

Step Three: Calmly Explain to the Person Why They Are Feeling the Way They Do

A person having a bad trip may not remember taking a substance and be unaware they are on a trip. Calmly reminding the person that they took a drug and are in a safe place while going through its effects can help keep them calm.

Step Four: Stay With the Person During the Trip

Being a source of safety and staying with the person through their bad trip can help keep them physically and mentally safe during the experience.

Step Five: Protect Others

Upsetting hallucinations during trips can make a person a danger to themselves and others. Make sure the person experiencing the trip stays calm and stays away from others, for their safety. 

Step Six: Seek Help if Needed

Despite your best efforts, sometimes a person having a bad trip may become a danger to themselves or others or have physical symptoms like a fever that require medical attention. The best thing you can do at that time is to call 911 and refer the person to medical experts who can help them through the rest of the trip.

How Long Will a Bad Trip Last (By Drug Type)?

An unpleasant experience with a drug usually lasts just as long as a good experience. However, a trip can last different lengths depending on the drug taken.

• What can happen during a bad trip? Many different things can happen during a bad trip. Often, the person has troubling hallucinations. However, other symptoms like fever, fast heart rate or panic can also occur.
• What to do if someone has a panic attack? If someone has a panic attack while on a bad trip, you should try your best to calm and reassure them that they are safe. If they remain agitated and you fear they are a danger to themselves or others, you should seek emergency medical attention and call 911.
• What to do if someone becomes overheated and dehydrated? If a person becomes overheated or dehydrated, you should call 911. The person may need intravenous fluids or medical assistance to get their temperature back to normal.

If you or someone you love struggles with substance misuse and has a bad trip, this may be a sign of addiction. Contact our intake experts at The Recovery Village today to learn how we can help.

National Institute on Drug Abuse. “ What are marijuana’s effects? ” July 2020. Accessed September 25, 2022.

National Institute on Drug Abuse. “ Hallucinogens .” November 2021. Accessed September 25, 2022.

Drugs.com. “ Ketamine .” Accessed September 25, 2022.

Drugs.com. “ Bath Salts .” Accessed September 25, 2022.

Drugs.com. “ Mescaline .” Accessed September 25, 2022.

Drugs.com. “ Synthetic Cannabinoids (Synthetic Marijuana, Spice, K2) .” Accessed September 25, 2022.

Drugs.com. “ MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly) .” Accessed September 25, 2022.

Drugs.com. “ Psilocybin (Magic Mushrooms) .” Accessed September 25, 2022.Barrett, Frederick S.; Johnson, Matthew W.; Griffiths, Roland R. “ Neuroticism is associated with challengi[…]psilocybin mushrooms .” Personality and Individual Differences, June 7, 2017. Accessed September 25, 2022.

The Recovery Village aims to improve the quality of life for people struggling with substance use or mental health disorder with fact-based content about the nature of behavioral health conditions, treatment options and their related outcomes. We publish material that is researched, cited, edited and reviewed by licensed medical professionals. The information we provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It should not be used in place of the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare providers.

We can help answer your questions and talk through any concerns.

Zendo Project

7 ways to help someone who’s having a bad trip.

Original Article By Rachel Sturtz on Refinery29:

Learning about Psychedelic Harm Reduction

Last month, I sat cross-legged on a plush, red pillow in a classroom at Boulder’s Naropa University and pretended that I, like the 18 other people in class, loved psychedelic drugs. We spent the first 10 minutes taking turns saying our names, two words about how we were feeling that day, and naming our favorite psychedelic drug — if we could pick just one. Answers included peyote, San Pedro, LSD, mushrooms, and DMT. To admit the truth — that the extent of my drug use was smoking pot a handful of times — would have been too embarrassing, so I copped out and said, “Oh, I couldn’t pick a favorite.” People smiled and nodded their heads. We’d gathered for a lesson in psychedelic harm reduction with the Zendo Project, an offshoot of the Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies (MAPS), created to offer a safe space at festivals for concert-goers having bad trips on illegal drugs. Bad trips — or “difficult trips,” as the group prefers — are usually the result of a first-time user making a rookie mistake: taking too much; not drinking enough water; going without preparation or guidance during the experience; or becoming overwhelmed by too many people, blaring music, and flashing lights. In recent years, young people have died at music festivals after using imposter synthetic drugs or from preventable dehydration.

De-Escalating Difficult Experiences

Zendo volunteers, or “trip-sitters,” work in tandem with law enforcement, security, and medical groups at the festivals to create safe spaces and care for people who are overwhelmed by the substances they’ve taken. Together, these groups can de-escalate a difficult trip before it progresses to violence, trauma, or a medical emergency. Amazingly, a little water, a quiet space, and a good listener is often all someone needs to help come back down to earth. With this approach, Zendo and other groups like it have saved lives. However, harm-reduction groups are on legally shaky ground, thanks to a bill introduced in 2003 as the Reducing Americans’ Vulnerability to Ecstasy (RAVE) Act by then-Senator Joe Biden. Later passed as the Illicit Drug Anti-Proliferation Act, the bill allowed for the prosecution of business owners if they knowingly let people use drugs on their properties. Groups like Zendo could be seen as encouraging illicit drug use just by offering water and support. For that reason, venues have to decide what’s worse: drug-related deaths, or prosecution for trying to prevent them from happening.

7 Tips to Assist Psychedelic Experiences

Our instructor for the day, Sara Gael, an integrative therapist and project coordinator for the Zendo Project, gave us the insight and training we’d need to volunteer for her organization. Read through the seven most important tips we learned for helping someone through a difficult trip.

1) Never Mix Psychedelics With Alcohol

While alcohol can dull the hallucinogenic effects of LSD, it can sometimes exacerbate the effects of psychedelic drugs, leading to panic, fear, and sometimes, outright hostility. “When people mix psychedelics with alcohol, that’s when Zendo sees the most violent and aggressive people,” says Gael. It’s a mistake first-timers often make because they decide to try their first psychedelic after they’ve already been drinking, or neglect to let the drug take effect before they add alcohol to the mix.

2) Know That Psychedelics Can Bring Up Past Trauma

Psychedelics have a way of bringing up memories of a past trauma (including abuse and assault), which is a quick path to a bad trip. Other times, users will simply feel like they’ve gone crazy. Trip-sitters work with people to tune into these traumatic emotions and talk about them. If someone is freaking out and afraid of dying, a volunteer responds with questions like “Why do you feel that way?” “What will happen if you die?” or comforts with “I see your arm. Do you see it? Can you feel your pulse?” “Curiosity is the opposite of fear,” says Gael. “We talk through and not down to the guests. You can’t say ‘Oh, you’ll be okay’ or ‘Calm down.’ [But] asking clarifying questions helps them verbalize and release some of that energy.” In some cases, however, psychedelics can catalyze the onset of irreversible psychosis. Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder don’t normally present until someone is in their early to mid-20s. Although  research is divided , there are anecdotal reports suggesting that psychedelics can put these dormant disorders into motion. As Gael explains, “you need to have an ego in order to dissolve it,” which is why anyone without a strong sense of self-identity will be negatively affected by psychedelics.

3) Stay Calm, But Firm

As a sitter, you must remain patient, compassionate, and understanding. This can be difficult when someone is screaming at you. Fending off sexual advances is also a part of the process (especially for women), and it must be done calmly, saying “That’s not going to happen” when someone is getting handsy. Zendo also suggests finding a volunteer of the opposite sex to take over if you feel uncomfortable. And if someone needs to masturbate? A Zendo volunteer will guide that person to a separate, private space.

4) Remind People What They’ve Taken

It’s not always easy to diagnose the drug based on how a person is reacting in the Zendo tent. Some people on LSD speak in stream-of-consciousness, while others get caught up in loops. People on PCP can be violent. Some people come in full of energy and just need to dance it off. Others will come in the tent and not say a word for six hours. The key is for volunteers to get as much information as they can (from the person’s friends or nearby festival attendees) about what drug the guest took, the dosage, the method in which the person took it, and how long ago it happened. This gives volunteers insight into how long the trip will last, and it comes in handy to remind the person that he or she took drugs — because users often forget why they’re feeling the way they feel.

5) Remember: Some People Can Get Violent

Some people will become violent, and there’s not much a volunteer can do. In these cases, volunteers should remain calm, try to guide the guest to a quiet space, stay unargumentative, and keep the number of people controlling the situation to a minimum. If that doesn’t work, volunteers will still remain with the guest, even if he or she needs to go to jail or the hospital. Gael tells the story of one violent man who was about to get hauled off to jail. Law enforcement told the Zendo volunteers they had 30 seconds to calm the guy down before they brought him in. One volunteer noticed the guest was sitting, while law enforcement was standing in a circle around him. So the volunteer sat next to the aggressor and talked calmly with him, which defused the situation immediately.

6) Watch Out For The Biggest Problem: Fake Drugs

A lot of the people who come to the Zendo tent are having a difficult trip because the drug they took turns out to be something else entirely. The amount of manipulated synthetic drugs sold to festival-goers is staggering. According to  ecstasydata.org , only about a  third  of the “MDMA” out there actually is what it’s supposed to be. To give people a heads-up, a few festivals (like the  Shambhala Festival ) now offer drug testing to help users identify what they brought in. For example, methylone, a synthetic cathinone (a.k.a.  bath salts ), is often passed off as molly and has  led to several deaths .

7) Suggest A Therapist To Help Interpret The Experience

Zendo has a  list of therapists  who specialize in helping people integrate their psychedelic experiences into their lives. Gael mentions that, in traditional spiritual medicine ceremonies involving  peyote or ayahuasca , people sit down afterward to talk about what they learned. For us, therapy can serve the same function. “People have come to us to talk about experiences that happened 30 years ago,” says Gael. “We’re able to honor people’s stories and help them find meaning in therapy.”

Original Article:

https://www.refinery29.com/psychedelic-drug-trip-safety-tips#slide

Synonyms of 'bring someone down' in British English

Additional synonyms.

Browse alphabetically bring someone down

• bring about
• bring someone down
• bring someone in
• bring someone round
• bring someone up
• All ENGLISH synonyms that begin with 'B'

Related terms of bring someone down

• take or bring someone down a peg (or two)

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Trip Over, Passive or Active

• Thread starter G.Determinism
• Start date Oct 22, 2015

G.Determinism

Senior member.

• Oct 22, 2015

Greetings, When you trip over someone, you stick out a leg to make him/her fall, so that person is tripped over, my question is why you normally say: 'he tripped over'. Shouldn't it be in passive voice? Thanks  

When you trip over someone up, you stick out a leg to make him/her fall. Someone else trips him: He fell because he was tripped (passive) /someone tripped him (up). He trips by himself: He fell because he tripped on/over something.  

If you make someone fall down, then you trip somebody up . (not sure if "over" works here) If you fall down because of something, you trip on/over something - I tripped on / over a brick and fell . [edited; erased part of it]  

G.Determinism said: When you trip over someone, you stick out a leg to make him/her fall, Click to expand...

vincix said: There's also the idiom, "to trip over someone or something", and it means "to come across (meet by chance) someone/something" Click to expand...

Thanks a lot, guys. This is from Channel 4 news Facebook account: "The Hungarian camerawoman who was filmed tripping over a refugee has said she plans to sue Facebook, as well as the man she made fall over." So based on what said, 'trip over' is wrong in that too, right?  

If you didn't know the context, you'd probably think that she herself herself fell down (unbelievable news, by the way). But maybe the word order is a little bit more flexible and it works in this context...  

The camerawoman deliberately tripped the refugee, as far as I know. "Trip over" in that sentence would imply the opposite.  

There's an ambiguity in the Channel 4 sentence because "over" can be either a preposition or an adverb. It's easier to see what's going on if you use a personal pronoun instead of the noun "the refugee". If you say "she tripped him over", over must be an adverb, and the meaning is "she made him fall over". If you say "she tripped over him", over must be a preposition, and the meaning is "she fell as a result of coming into contact with him". "She tripped over the refugee" could mean either "she tripped him over" or "she tripped over him". Only the context would make it clear.  

G.Determinism said: "The Hungarian camerawoman who was filmed tripping over a refugee Click to expand...

velisarius said: The camerawoman deliberately tripped the refugee, Click to expand...

Loob said: There's an ambiguity in the Channel 4 sentence Click to expand...

Andygc said: I disagree, there's no ambiguity. "The Hungarian camerawoman who was filmed tripping over a refugee ..." The camerawoman fell over. "The Hungarian camerawoman who was filmed tripping a refugee over ..." the refugee fell over. Click to expand...

Thank you very much.  

Loob said: You can often separate the verb and the particle in phrasal verbs - if the particle is an adverb - if the object of the verb is a noun rather than a pronoun. Click to expand...

• If I trip because my foot hits a tree root, then I trip over the root .
• If I trip because my foot hits someone else's foot, then I trip over that person's foot .
• If what causes me to trip isn't specified, then I just trip . There's no adverb there.
• If someone else puts his or her foot in my way, then he or she trips me . There's no adverb there.
• In any of those cases, if it's stated passively, then I get tripped . There's no adverb there.
• "The Hungarian camerawoman who was filmed tripping over a refugee" means she tripped because her foot or leg hit the refugee. If the refugee caused this on purpose by putting his own foot in her way, then he tripped her, but the phrase, as it's written, doesn't specify whether he did anything to cause it or whether she just wasn't watching where she was going. If the author meant it the other way around (with the refugee falling and the camerawoman being the cause of it), then the author wrote it incorrectly, because that's just not what it means as it's written.

Delvo said: There is no such thing as "she tripped him over" Click to expand...

7 c. So as to move downwards from an upright position, without reference to an edge. Also fig. Generally with the suggestion of loss of stability or position. 1972 P. Rowlands Fugitive Mind xi. 132 He shouts a lot, he breaks my toys, he pushes me over. Click to expand...

The playfellow, Volume 3, by Harriet Martineau (1841) That is the very thing, " said Oliver. "I want to show him that I tripped him over, not in anger, but because I could not help it. The Long Tomorrow, by Evelyn Voss Wise (1938) He had only one fall, and that was when a hidden twig penetrated the webbing and tripped him over into the soft snow. Twenty Years A-Growing, by Maurice O'Sullivan (translated into English in the 1930s, I think) Then I saw my grandfather getting up and I arose to my own feet with such a rush that I nearly tripped him over. Click to expand...

post mod (English Only / Latin)

• Oct 23, 2015

I can't deny that some people use 'trip someone over' to mean something like 'to topple someone'. However, my natural understanding of the phrase is like Delvo's. You trip over someone because they got in the way of your feet and caused you to fall, or you trip someone , meaning that you get in the way of their feet and cause them to fall. ' Trip someone over' sounds very odd to me. Is trip someone over meaning 'topple them' a common usage in British English?  

"Trip someone over" sounds just as odd to me. I agree with almost all of Delvo's post #17, though I see nothing wrong with "to trip someone up". For me "up" is optional in these phrases.  

I am familiar with 'trip someone up', but I usually would understand that in a figurative sense, meaning to do something that confuses someone, or makes them unable to perform well. Added: Here is a thread on 'trip up' that seems to reflect a similar divide in understanding, perhaps an AE/BE difference: trip up (transitive?)  

Cagey said: ... Is trip someone over meaning 'topple them' a common usage in British English? Click to expand...

Cagey said: Is trip someone over meaning 'topple them' a common usage in British English? Click to expand...

How to help someone having a bad trip on LSD/shrooms

How to help someone having a bad trip on lsd/shrooms..

Are you currently having a bad trip? See this section.

What to do if someone is tripping on psychedelics and becomes anxious, to avoid it turning into a “bad” trip

• Mild anxiety: “The appropriate first response is to provide strong personal support and reassurance (O’Brien, 2006).” Interact with them in a “comforting and reassuring manner.” 1
• You “should convey a solid sense of security and calm, while empathizing with what may be an incredibly intense and unpleasant experience.”
• Don’t try and ‘talk them down’ and back into reality. These “may be counterproductive and aggravate a difficult reaction (McCabe, 1977).”
• Remind them “to surrender to the experience.”
• You may offer “a supportive touch to the arm or shoulder with verbal reminders that the participant … has taken the hallucinogen, and that he or she will return to normal consciousness in ‘a few minutes’ or ‘a few hours’”
• If verbal interactions are of limited help due to their intense experience, “a powerful form of reassurance (sometimes called ‘interpersonal grounding’) is simply holding the hand of the participant (McCabe, 1977). Many volunteers report that during such experiences, a reassuring hand provides an incredible sense of stability and connection. Monitors should demonstrate this practice during preparation to normalize hand holding during sessions.”
• These methods should be enough if the other guidelines have been followed. The paper notes that reassurance was sufficient for any cases of distress in 54 recent study participants.
• Oral 10mg Valium (diazepam) can be used. “In these cases, we recommend a 10 mg oral dose of diazepam (Grinspoon and Bakalar, 1979).” Xanax is slightly less ideal than Valium, but can be used as an alternative, with 0.5-1mg being roughly equivalent to 10mg Valium. 2
• Emergency department personnel “who are inexperienced with hallucinogen effects can readily escalate and prolong an adverse reaction.” “Therefore, all possible efforts should be made to treat a difficult experience in the session context, even if pharmacological intervention is required.” 1

Free support service

Trip sitters can contact Fireside Project if you’d like support while tripsitting someone - call or text 6-2FIRESIDE (623-473-4733).

Are antipsychotic drugs good for bad trips?

Antipsychotic drugs include: Seroquel (Quetiapine), Chlorpromazine, Haloperidol, Perphenazine, Fluphenazine, Risperidone, Olanzapine, Quetiapine, Ziprasidone, Aripiprazole, Paliperidone, and Lurasidone. 3

Also, antipsychotic medications (e.g., risperidone, olanzapine) should be available in the event that an adverse reaction escalates to unmanageable psychosis. However, experienced clinicians have suggested that although antipsychotic medications may reduce psychotic behavior through sedation, [the use of antipsychotic medications] may be problematic because the effects may be abrupt, unpleasant, and intense and their use may result in subsequent psychological problems (McCabe, 1977; Grinspoon and Bakalar, 1979; Grof, 1980). Furthermore, pretreatment with the antipsychotic haloperidol has been shown to exacerbate the psychosis-like effects of psilocybin (Vollenweider, et al., 1998), suggesting that haloperidol should not be used as a rescue medication. 1

• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3056407/ [return]
• http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/2172250-overview [return]
• https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/mental-health-medications/index.shtml#part_149866 [return]

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More From Forbes

Three of the best ways to help someone who got laid off.

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Tech career coach, interview coach, and trusted confidant to Silicon Valley's top talent via CaffeinatedKyle.com .

Job loss is one of the biggest stressors in life . Whether it’s a partner, family member, friend, colleague or stranger online who is affected, it can be difficult to know how to effectively support someone facing unemployment. Finding the right words to console someone who recently got laid off can be challenging, particularly if the event was unexpected.

You might be tempted to jump into action and help them, but this often isn’t the best course of action and can even backfire. So how do you best help a person who has lost their job? The following are steps you can take to help.

1. Lead with your ears and heart.

For starters, it can be incredibly tempting to jump in with seemingly helpful job search tips and tricks when you learn someone you care about has been laid off. However, as a career coach, the job seekers I speak with often share that advice and unsolicited job openings are the last thing they want from family, friends and colleagues. Plus, job searching strategies have changed dramatically in recent years, so the advice you learned from your university’s career center or the job search tactics you deployed pre-pandemic likely won’t apply here.

Instead, recently unemployed professionals often want those around them to simply listen to their feelings and concerns, particularly in the first few hours, days and weeks following their layoff. Being jobless can be incredibly stressful and anxiety-producing, and the current employment market doesn’t make it any easier. Providing a safe space for the person you care about in which to process their job loss and any associated grief is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.

Amazon Prime Video s Best New Show Arrives With A Perfect 100 Critic Score

Apple s iphone 16 pro design revealed in new leak, charlotte shooting 4 officers killed while serving warrant, 2. replace advice-giving with open-ended questions..

As you support this person, you want to be mindful of your response to their recent trauma, as well as the types of questions you ask them. Your goal here is to display empathy and compassion, not pity. It’s okay to try to understand their situation and how they’re feeling, but you don’t need to feel sorry for them.

As a career coach, I’m partial to asking open-ended questions that empower and uplift the job seeker. While not every question you ask needs to be open-ended, consider the fact that job loss takes away one’s sense of control and look for opportunities to support your friend in regaining their sense of agency. Plus, no one knows their own needs better than themselves.

Finding the right words can be tricky when someone is unemployed. If you’re not sure where to start, consider a few of these open-ended questions:

• “How are you feeling?”

• “How can I help you?”

• “What do you need right now?”

• “What has helped you in the past when feeling down?”

• “When can I check back in with you?”

3. Make meaningful introductions to decision-makers.

Rather than pitying your friend, you want to turn your empathy and compassion into action. One of the most powerful steps you can take is to connect them with your network. As I’ve shared before, networking is a critical ingredient in a modern-day job search.

If you happen to know recruiters, headhunters or hiring managers in your friend’s industry, consider making an introduction. Additionally, if there are networking groups, meetup events or industry associations you’ve found value in, share the information with your friend. Also, if there’s a career coach you trust and have had success with in the past, consider providing their contact information.

Importantly, you want to ask for permission before making any introductions to people in your network, as you want to empower the person you’re helping, not coddle them.

Helping A Friend Who Was Laid Off Unexpectedly

While supporting someone you care about who has recently been laid off can be tricky, applying these techniques can make the process less daunting. Just remember to lead with your ears and heart, avoid unsolicited advice-giving and provide access to decision-makers so they can land their next role faster and with more confidence. You’ve got this!

Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?

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Planning a summer trip to Quebec's Magdalen Islands? You'll have to pay up

Mayor says fee is necessary because tourists are burdening services, straining revenue.

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Tens of thousands of visitors flock to Quebec's Magdalen Islands every summer to behold its cliff-framed seascapes and sandy beaches. But starting next month, those island sojourns will come with an added cost.

The small archipelago northeast of Prince Edward Island is introducing a $30 visitor fee to raise funds for tourist infrastructure, environmental protection and waste management.

Called the Passe Archipel, the new fee will be mandatory for domestic and international travellers who stay on the islands for more than 24 hours between May 1 and Oct. 14. Individuals who fail to comply will risk a $1,000 fine.

Magdalen Islands Mayor Antonin Valiquette says the fee is necessary because tourists are burdening local services and straining existing municipal revenue.

The islands have a population of roughly 13,000 but welcomed about five times that many visitors between May and October 2023, according to the local tourism board.

"If you think the Magdalen Islands are beautiful, are magnificent, and that's why you come to see them, then we have to ask you to contribute a little to preserving this quality of life

and this quality of tourist destination," Valiquette said in an interview Wednesday.

Valiquette insists the pass does not constitute a barrier to accessing or leaving the islands, but the fee nevertheless has some islanders concerned it will infringe on the freedom of Quebecers and other Canadians to travel within their own country.

"I think it's outrageous to ask someone to identify themselves in order to get out of their own town," local hotel owner Chanie Thériault said Wednesday.

She was one of several people who voiced opposition to the visitor fee during a tense April 9 local government meeting during which elected officials passed the bylaws that established it.

In an interview, Thériault said she considers the fee especially unfair because it will charge mainland Quebecers for using public resources partially financed by the provincial government, such as roads.

"So we end up charging Quebecers for visiting their own infrastructure, which they pay for with their own taxes," she said.

• 'We're kind of stuck': Magdalen Islanders sign petition for better airline service

Suzie Leblanc, a former Magdalen Islands town councillor, said she sympathizes with the municipality's budgetary challenges but is disturbed by the implications of the Passe Archipel rules for citizens' mobility.

"There really is an obstacle to my freedom of movement," she said. "It's the first time in my life that this is happening to me and I find it nonsensical."

Valiquette, however, likened the visitor fee to the $50.25 toll car drivers must pay to cross the Confederation Bridge between New Brunswick and P.E.I. If Confederation Bridge officials introduced a toll exemption for Magdalen Islanders transiting through P.E.I., he said, "I don't think there would be many who wouldn't show their driver's licence, or their ID or their proof of residence rather than pay $50. So it's exactly the same principle here."

He argued that the Passe Archipel is less intrusive for islanders than alternative fundraising strategies, such as parking fees at local beaches. And fees for accommodation would be difficult to levy, he said, because many of the islands' tourist lodgings are single-family home rentals, not hotels.

The Passe Archipel will be payable through a forthcoming online platform and certified with a QR code visitors will receive by email. An official will validate visitors' codes upon their departure by ferry or plane.

Island residents are exempt from the Passe Archipel but will have to furnish proof of residence when they leave the islands to avoid the fee, which only applies to travellers who are at least 13 years old, and is capped at $100 for families — up to two adults and five children — travelling together. There's also an exception for second-home owners.

• Quebec brothers seek right buyer for dad's 'treasure island' off the Magdalen Islands
• Divers have found 7 shipwrecks off Quebec's Magdalen Islands this summer

The Passe Archipel isn't the first attempt by a Quebec town to pass infrastructure costs on to tourists. Last year, a Quebec Superior Court judge struck down an effort by the Gaspé Peninsula town of Percé to make companies charge visitors an extra $1 on purchases of more than $20, saying the municipality overstepped its powers by compelling the local businesses to apply the fee. Percé has appealed the ruling.

Dominic Lapointe, a professor of urban studies and tourism at the Université du Québec à Montréal, says popular destinations often struggle with what he called an "imbalance" between tourism and the capacity of municipal resources.

The Passe Archipel model is a first in Quebec, he said, but similar fees exist elsewhere in the world. The City of Venice launched a pilot program Thursday that charges day-trippers a five euro fee.

Lapointe said in an interview the Magdalen Islands fee manages to "spare residents while maintaining a very high level of accessibility to public facilities." Direct fees on local services

create "a much greater sense of dispossession for the local population," he said.

Lapointe doubts the islands' visitor fee will lead to fewer tourists. Michel Bonato, general manager of the Magdalen Islands tourism board, said his office has not observed a recent drop in bookings.

Thériault worries the Passe Archipel model could spread. "It sets a dangerous precedent for other municipalities in Quebec," she asserted. "So if it's accepted here, why would each city hesitate to establish the same measures?"

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A retired Microsoft exec and his wife fell in love with RVing during the pandemic. Now he's using AI to help you plan your next road trip.

• Scott Lengel, a former Microsoft CTO, launched an AI-powered RV road trip planner, AdventureGenie.
• He said when he got into RVing during the pandemic, he couldn't find a great planning tool.
•  AdventureGenie recommends custom routes, campsites, and activities based on user preferences.

Scott Lengel and his wife, Lisa, were Marriott people.

After spending 23 years as a CTO at Microsoft , Lengel retired in 2017, at which point he and his wife knew they wanted to travel the world. They visited places like Cambodia, Vietnam, and India, typically traveling by plane and staying in hotels — often Marriotts.

Then the pandemic hit.

Suddenly, they were stuck at home in South Carolina. That's when the couple realized, "We really haven't seen the good old US of A."

Up until that point, they'd never even been camping .

"We figured if ever there was a time to go RVing, to go camping, this would be it," Lengel told Business Insider.

So they rented an RV and set off for Nashville with a couple of good friends. "We just had a blast," Lengel said. "Hanging around the campsite and the campfire and eating and beverages, and just the camaraderie. We just fell in love with the lifestyle of camping in one week."

Within six months, they purchased an RV of their own and started taking it all over. But when the couple tried to plan a six-week, multi-stop road trip to the national parks of the Southwest, they realized it was actually pretty challenging and that the existing resources were not great.

"There has to be a better way," they thought.

A couple of years later, in May 2023, Lengel launched AdventureGenie — an AI-powered RV trip planner. Lengel, who serves as chairman and CEO, said that in less than a year, AdventureGenie has attracted more than 10,000 users, and not just RVers, but also people traveling in cars on all kinds of road trips.

AI can customize trip planning

AdventureGenie is one of many AI-powered trip-planning tools that have popped up over the past couple of years. It's been featured on lists of the best RV- and road-trip planning AI tools.

Related stories

AdventureGenie is set up to help people plan their trips in three phases, which Lengel said was based on talking to thousands of people about how they plan their trips.

First, you can shape your trip. You can tell AdventureGenie things like where you want to start, where you want to end, how many miles you want to drive in a day, and any places you know you want to stop along the way. AdventureGenie will create a custom route based on your preferences and what the program knows about you, either from what you've told it or from past trips you've planned.

Second, you can select your campsites. AdventureGenie uses AI to compile information about campsites and make recommendations based on your preferences. In addition to generating an overall score on a campsite, AdventureGenie also generates a score that is unique to you, indicating how likely a specific campground is to meet your personal needs.

Third, is finding things to do. For instance, if it knows you like eating at local restaurants, hiking, and biking, as Lengel and his wife do, it can point out those attractions.

The biggest thing AI brings to AdventureGenie's trip planning is the customization, Lengel said. Instead of looking up a generic road trip planner that is the first hit served to everyone on Google, AdventureGenie can create itineraries that are unique to you.

"It feels as if you have a copilot or a travel planner sitting by your side and knows what you're looking for and customizes it for you," Lengel said.

He said that when RVers first use AdventureGenie the "jaw-dropping" moment for them is when it fills in the blanks on a trip with stops along the way.

In the past, if you wanted to road trip from South Carolina to Yellowstone, you'd have to look at a map and try to plot out stops based on how many miles a day you want to drive. But you'd also have to manually figure out whether those stops have campsites that suit your needs, or if they have any other attractions that make them worth passing through, or how far off the highway they are.

Lengel said new AdventureGenie users often say it saves them so much time planning their trip just by filling in their route.

"That's pretty darn rewarding for us," he said.

From Microsoft to tech startup

Lengel, who came out of retirement to launch AdventureGenie, said working on this startup has been a major change of pace from his days at Microsoft, which he also loved.

"We're a startup at our core, and it's a lot different than when I was working for an organization that had 150,000 employees and an incredible budget," he said. "We all wear lots of hats, which has been exciting, thrilling, and even challenging from time to time."

These days, he and his wife are on the road three out of four weeks a month, though now it's usually for work, visiting trade shows and meeting with RV user groups.

However, they do still make a point to do some fun things, too.

When Lengel spoke to BI, he was sitting in his RV in the Florida Keys, with a view of the ocean right out his window .

Watch: Marriott International's Tina Edmundson tells Insider that the travel mindset has changed since the pandemic

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Biden forgives $6.1 billion in student debt for 317,000 borrowers. Here's who qualifies for relief.

By Aimee Picchi

Edited By Alain Sherter

May 1, 2024 / 10:59 AM EDT / CBS News

The Biden administration is forgiving $6.1 billion in student debt for 317,000 people who attended The Art Institutes, a for-profit chain of schools that shut down last fall amid allegations of fraud.

The latest effort represents President Joe Biden's plan to tackle the nation's $1.7 trillion in student debt after the Supreme Court last year  blocked  his administration's plan for broad-based college loan forgiveness. 

The Art Institutes, which operated branches in cities including Atlanta, Fort Worth, New York and Tampa, shut down permanently in September after the Department of Education found it had misrepresented its graduates' employment rates and salaries. Hundreds of thousands of students had taken out billions in loans to attend the schools, but "got little but lies in return," U.S. Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona said in a statement  on Wednesday.

"We must continue to protect borrowers from predatory institutions — and work toward a higher education system that is affordable to students and taxpayers," Cardona added. 

In a separate statement,  Mr. Biden said his administration has forgiven $29 billion in debt for 1.6 million students "whose colleges took advantage of them, closed abruptly or were covered by related court settlements."

In conjunction with its previously announced debt relief , the Biden administration said it has forgiven a total of more than $160 billion for nearly 4.6 million borrowers, a number that includes today's announcement.

In the case of The Art Institutes, the Education Department's investigation found that the company falsely claimed that 80% of its graduates found jobs in their fields of study within six months of graduation. In reality, the figure never rose above 57%, the department said. 

The school also allegedly misrepresented its graduates' earnings and annualized the estimated incomes of grads who were in temporary jobs. For example, One campus included the annual income of tennis star Serena Williams, who  had attended  the Art Institute of Fort Lauderdale, in calculating grads' average income, the department said. 

The Art Institutes closed suddenly in September, impacting 1,700 students, according to the New York Times. The closure came after the organization settled for $95.5 million with federal regulators , who had accused it of fraud. Other campuses operated by the school had shut down in 2019 or earlier, according to the The Art Institutes' website.

Who qualifies for this student loan forgiveness? 

The Education Department said it is automatically forgiving $6.1 billion in student debt for 317,000 people who borrowed money to attend any Art Institutes campus on or after January 1, 2004, through October 16, 2017. 

Do borrowers need to take any actions?

No, borrowers don't need to do anything, the Education Department said. 

The department will start notifying eligible borrowers on May 1 that they have been approved for their debt to be discharged. 

Do borrowers need to continuing making payments?

The Education Department said it will immediately pause loans identified for discharge, meaning that borrowers should not have to make additional payments. 

"This ensures that they will not face any further financial demands from these loans during the time needed to process their discharges," the agency added.

• Biden Administration
• Student Debt

Aimee Picchi is the associate managing editor for CBS MoneyWatch, where she covers business and personal finance. She previously worked at Bloomberg News and has written for national news outlets including USA Today and Consumer Reports.

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Benny Blanco Jokes He Watched Titanic 'in Bed Cuddling' with Ed Sheeran During a Boat Trip to Europe: 'I Swear'

Blanco and Sheeran worked together on the English singer's 2017 album 'Divide'

Benny Blanco is opening up about his bromance with Ed Sheeran .

During an appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday, April 30, the music producer detailed his experience working with Sheeran, 33, on Divide .

"I don't fly," Blanco, 36, began. "I took a boat to Europe. I literally take the Titanic to Europe. It's the same boat — when you're on the boat, like day three, they're like, 'This is where the Titanic sank.' And you're just in the middle of no where."

"Me and Ed Sheeran watched Titanic in bed cuddling on the fourth night," he said with a giggle. "I swear."

He then went on to explain that they worked on the album during that same boat trip.

Todd Owyoung/NBC via Getty, Ian West/PA Images via Getty

"Ed's so nice. He's the nicest guy in the world. They gave us a room to write it in. It was the same room that... there was a daytime pianist that was like an 85-year-old woman. She would come in to practice everyday and had no idea who either one of us was. She was like, 'Hey, it's my time to practice.'"

"We'd be in the middle of writing like 'Perfect' or 'Happier.' Ed is so nice he would sit there and wait," he says. "She was a great pianist, I'll tell you. She didn't know anyone. I loved her."

Todd Owyoung/NBC via Getty

Elsewhere in the interview, Blanco opened up about working on music with SZA — and how it was his cooking that kept her coming back to his place.

"First time SZA is ever at my house she goes to the kitchen and she's getting a glass of water. There's a small Tupperware of something and she's like, 'What's that?' I was like, 'Oh, it's just some banana pudding.' She take a bite. Before the end of the night pudding's gone. The next day, she comes in and she's like, 'Oh, is there any more banana pudding?' I was like, 'No, but I did eat some lasagna.' So she's eating lasagna."

He continues, "By the time we finished her album I was a full-time restaurant. She wouldn't come over. She bribed me. She was like, 'I'm not coming over unless I got the bread pudding, the lasagna, I need a Caesar salad.'"

Blanco — who is dating   Selena Gomez — released his first book  Open Wide: A Cookbook for Friends   on April 30.

"There's something I love about being able to host and make people have an experience and take them somewhere they may have not been before," he told PEOPLE in April . "Whether that's food or music or when we're making a TV show, it's like, I want everything to be an experience for people."

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• Cambridge Dictionary +Plus

Meaning of trip (someone) up in English

Trip (someone) up.

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• I tripped up on a piece of loose carpet .
• He deliberately tripped me up.
• She tripped up and dropped the tray .
• He tripped up on the doorstep .
• A fallen branch tripped me up.
• collapse under someone's/something's weight
• collapse/fall in a heap idiom
• drop like flies idiom
• knock someone over
• let go idiom
• overbalance
• parachutist

You can also find related words, phrases, and synonyms in the topics:

• balls (something) up
• blunderingly
• make a cock-up of something
• misdiagnose
• misdiagnosis
• misremember
• speak/talk out of turn idiom
• stumblingly
• to err is human (to forgive divine). idiom
• uncorrectable

trip up (someone) | Intermediate English

Trip up (someone), translations of trip (someone) up.

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said when you tell someone, or agree with someone, to keep something a secret

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