jungle cruise joke book

The Ten Best Jungle Cruise Jokes and More

By: Author Patty Granger

Posted on Last updated: August 29, 2022

Are you a fan of the Jungle Cruise? Do you like jokes so BAD that they’re awesome? Ya, know like Dad jokes? If so keep reading for the ten best Jungle Cruise jokes.

Jungle Cruise is my all-time favorite attraction. I am a sucker for bad jokes, which is exactly what this attraction is all about. While Jungle Cruise skippers have their standard jokes there are always new ones popping up as skippers spend more and more time lost out in the jungle.

Of course, in 2021, we got a whole Jungle Cruise movie that was just packed in new bad jungle jokes, as well as a nod to the classic jokes, told on the attraction.

The List of the 10 Best Jungle Cruise Jokes

On previous jobs.

Before I came to the Jungle, I worked in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. My boss almost beat the pulp out of me…

On Haunted Mansion

Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this boat actually leaving the dock? Or is it your imagination? And consider this dismaying observation: this boat is completely surrounded with water, and I’m you skipper. Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Of course you could always swim away!!!

Sleeping Zebras

Do you know why it’s so hard to eat zebra? You keep getting white meat – dark meat – white meat – dark meat.

Waterfalls and the Eighth Wonder of the World

This is the backside of Schweitzer Falls, named for the backside of the famous explorer, Dr. Albert Falls.

Classic Warning

We are now entering the most dangerous part of our journey. Shhh. . . This is a bad place to be headed.

A Classic Paradox

As we approach, please notice that there’s a dock on the left, and a dock on the right. But don’t let it confuse you. It’s a paradox. Also on the dock is a pair of dorks, they will help you out of the boat.

Pirates of the Caribbean

I think you knows too much. You’ve seen the cursed treasure. You know where it be hidden. You may not survive to pass this way again. DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES. . .

Awe look at those elephants bathing over there. You know, you make think that’s water coming out of their trunks but it’s snot.

Unbeatable Offers

There’s old Trader Sam, head salesman of the area. Business has been shrinking lately, so this week only, Sam’s offering a two-for-one special: two of his, for one of yours!

Oh no! Look at the Hippos that are about to attack the boat. Don’t worry I know just the thing that will scare them away, it worked on my last boyfriend. Screams, “HEY HIPPOS I LOVE YOU. I REALLY WANT TO MARRY YOU AND BE WITH YOU FOREVER AND EVER.”

Even More Jungle Cruise Jokes

• Check out the butterflies on both sides of the boat, their wing span ranges from 1 foot to a whopping 12 inches. This makes them the ruler of the jungle.
• Butterflies aren’t what they used to be… caterpillars.
• Around here it rains about 365 days a year, if you think about it that’s almost every day.
• Tigers can jump over 20 feet but don’t worry we are only 15 feet away, he would just jump right over us.
• Feel free to take out your cameras and get some pictures of elephants, they all have their trunks on.
• As we enter the Nile River you will notice it goes on for Niles, and Niles, and Niles, and if you don’t believe me you are in denial.
• You will notice a rock structure on both sides of the boat it’s sandstone, a lot of people take it for granite.
• That’s why I am your skipper, I always come armed… and legged.
• I would like to point out a few of my favorite plants (silently points to random plants outside the boat).
• The 8th wonder of the World, the backside of what 02H, 02H, 02H!
• Do you know why I can tell that’s a Python and not a Boa? No feathers.
• The most dangerous part of your journey is the return to civilization.

Jungle Cruise Movie Quotes

One of my favorite things about the Jungle Cruise movie starring the Rock and Emily Blunt is that they used classic quotes from the attraction in the movie mixed in with some new fresh jokes. Most of these punny quotes appear at the beginning of the movie. Here are just some of the Jungle Cruise jokes that made the movie cut.

• First of all, let me congratulate you on your excellent choice of a skipper. Of all the Jungle Cruises you could take in the Amazon this one is undoubtedly the cheapest. But also the most thrilling.
• If you look to the left of the boat you will see very playful Tucans they are playing their favorite game of beak wrestling. The only drawback is only two can play.
• The rocks you see here on the river are sandstone but some people just take them for Granite, it’s one of my bolder attractions.
• Before this, I used to work in an orange juice factory. But I got canned, I couldn’t concentrate. Ya, they put the squeeze on me too.
• You know they say that boa constrictor over there can eat 500 pounds per sitting. Personally, I find that very hard to swallow.
• This is the highlight of my tour, my favorite part of the jungle, ladies, and gentlemen get ready for the 8th wonder of the world, the backside of water!
• Listen up I get paid by the number of people I take out not by the number of people I bring back. Hold on!
• Well folks you were all outstanding today, now I need you all out standing on the dock. That means get off my boat, I am only serious.
• Ma’am don’t forget your baggage, he is behind you.
• Had a girlfriend once who was crossed-eyed, and didn’t work out, we could never see eye to eye. I am also quite sure she was seeing someone on the side.

Specific Jungle Cruise Jokes by Area

Start of Ride

• Wave goodbye to all those people standing on the dock, you aren’t going to see them for 2 and half weeks. Just kidding you are never going to see them again.
• If you don’t laugh at my bad jokes I am going to become your swimming instructor.
• Raise your hand if you want to get wet on this ride! Alright very good, now jump out.
• By a show of hands who here can swim? Great those of you who don’t have your hands raised look at your floatation devices should the boat become underwater.
• Out here in the Amazon it is known to rain 365 days a year but looking around I think it’s safe to say we have mist one.
• On eithier side of the boat you will see some butterflies with a very impressive wing span they range all the way from 12 inches to a whopping one foot. That’s why they are known as the rulers of the jungle.

Inspiration Falls

• Everyone say, oooooooooo, great now everyone say, ahhhhhhhhhh, Sounds like inspiration to me!
• Know why we call it inspiration falls? Just look at it! They say if you stare at it long enough it inspires you to go. Go, deeper into the jungle is what they mean I think.

Boat House / Canoes

• I can’t see anyone, canoe?
• Hey look there is Stew, he is in the pot.

Snake in Tree

• A giant snake sitting in the sitting in the tree, H-I-S-S-I-N-G
• Don’t let that snake develop a crush on you, it will be your main squeeze for life
• Does anyone know what kind of snake that is? Begins with P… not Python good guess though, Plastic!
• Watch out that snake might develop a crush on you, it would be a pretty constricting relationship
• Oh wow a Python! I know he is a pie-thon because he is exact 3.1415 meters long.

Gorilla Camp

• I asked those gorillas to break down my camp but now it just looks like they are breaking everything. I don’t find that very appealing at all, so we better split!
• Wow, I couldn’t get my jeep to start this morning but it looks like those gorillas were able to get it to turn over.

Safari African Belt

• The Africian Bull elephant the second most feared animal in the jungle, the first most feared? It’s his mother-in-law.
• Look at these rock formations made out of sandstone, you know a lot of people take them for granite. I know it’s one of the bolder attractions, it rocks.
• On the rocks is a pride of lions watching over that sleeping zebra, how cute!
• I am just kidding, the zebra, he is dead tired.
• Oh look at that sleeping zebra, so cute don’t you just want to wake him up? We are going to let him rest in peace though.
• Look at those zebras at the top of the hill, we know their the oldest animal since they are still in black and white.
• Look at those lions sharing their meal with such pride.

Schweitzer Falls

• Of course, Schweitzer Falls is named after World famous Dr. Albert Falls. If you are not familiar with the doctor don’t worry about it we are going over Falls later.
• Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I proudly present the backside of water.
• Folk never try this at home you will hit your head on the faucet.
• It’s the 8th wonder of the World, the backside of water, I bet you don’t see that every day, unless your me.

Plane Crash

• I bet you are wondering how I landed my job here, I think it’s plane to see I took a crash course and now I am just winging it.
• I wanted to an airplane pilot but I think it’s plane to see that career didn’t take off the way I thought it would.

Hippo Pools

• Oh wow folks, looks like someone thought we were taking out submaring voyages that is easily 20K under water.
• Someone told me that when a hippo wiggles his ears it’s a sign of affection. I have only seen them do it before they charge a boat. I keep telling them I only carry cash but I don’t think they get it.

Ancient Temple Ruins

• The statue out front shows the ruler of the temple, Shirley. So this must be Shirley’s temple.
• These bamboo shoots on the outside are said to grow 6 feet tall, some say 7 but that’s another story.
• There is no telling where this temple may end, but this is Disney, so it’s probably a gift shop.
• Hey, folks see the vines on the walls, we have entered a root canal.
• Look at that tigers stripes, you know why they have strips right? It’s to avoid being spotted.

Elephant Bathing Pool

• It’s okay to take pictures folks, they all have their trunks on.
• Did you know most elephants can only grow up to four feet. Yeah it’s true, most humans can only grow up to two feet.
• That’s my friend Birtha over there she has been in that shower for, forever you can tell by all her wrinkles.
• Most people think that is water coming out of their trunks, it’s snot.

Gift Shop Trader Sam

• Trader Sam is probably out collecting more merchandise, people leave strollers full of it all over the place.
• If you ever want to try on a hat, just like a jungle skipper know, we are the experts at cap-sizing.

End Of Jungle Cruise

• You all have been so outstanding on this journey but now I am going to need you out standing on those docks.
• I am going to leave you with the same advice my parents gave me when I turned 18, honey we love you but GET OUT!
• Some one save me, I will be around, and around and around and around, ya know every 10 to 12 minutes.
• I tried to be a baker once, turns out you need a lot of dough, turns out I didn’t have any of that.
• I applied to work in an orange juice factory, things went pretty well there until I got canned for not being able to concentrate.
• A lot of people say my career is just going in circles, I say it’s like a swiggle oval thing.
• There will be two skippers to help you out on the dock ahead, I call them a pair of dorks.
• If you find yourself passing by the Jungle Cruise later, keep going, sometimes I wish I could.

Catch a Video of the Jungle Cruise Jokes

Just reading jungle cruise jokes really doesn’t do it justice. It’s all about the delivery right? Watch the video below to get the full effect of all the Jungle Cruise jokes.

2022 Jungle Cruise Ride Through

Jingle Cruise Full Ride – Holiday Christmas Layover

Conclusion on Jungle Cruise Jokes

What are your favorite Jungle Cruise jokes? Do you also find yourself finishing the skipper jokes before they do? Have you heard any better than those listed in our list? Have you played the Jungle Cruise Game ? Be sure to share them in the comment section below! If you want more things Jungle Cruise read Changes Coming to Jungle Cruise Attraction .

I have been visiting the parks annually since my parents first brought me at just a year old. Recently I was able to fulfill my life long dream of being a Florida local and moved from the wintery Northeast to the sunshine and fun of central Florida. Now I am hoping to share my Disney knowledge with you so you can have the best vacation possible!

Skipper Brian

Monday 17th of October 2022

This is what I would say as we leave the docks... "Don't worry folks if you forgot to exchange your money to the local currency.... There are banks all along the river..."

Thursday 25th of August 2022

I was a jungle guide for a while. One of my original lines was "Now there's something you don't see everyday - although I do." But it could have come from somewhere. Be fun to locate the written out spiel that was given to you.

Pros and Cons of Disney’s upcoming Jungle Cruise Movie – Pop Cultural Studies

Friday 16th of August 2019

[…] every Jungle Cruise performance can be different, I googled “Best Jungle Cruise Jokes” to narrow down some of the best lines that the Jungle Cruise skippers have. I’ve sampled a […]

Thursday 28th of March 2019

Has anyone ever heard the joke about the pressed pennies? "There's a souvenir you can buy for 51 cents, you'll be really pressed to find anything for less"? I think there was more to it, but I wish I could remember! Thanks!

Accommodations

Theme parks, disney cruise line – what you need to know, cruise line ships, recent walt disney world, recent disneyland, all reviews, recent reviews, allears style, newsletter home, the best disney world jungle cruise jokes.

Over the last 6+ decades, The Jungle Cruise has become one of Disney’s most popular and enduring attractions .

However, unlike other classics like Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, Space Mountain, or the Tower of Terror, Jungle Cruise isn’t known for adventure or thrills. Rather, the attraction is most famous for being funny, from its humorous tableaus to — yes — its dad jokes.

We’re taking a look at some of the best known, and funniest, jokes the Jungle Cruise has to offer.

Before we delve into the attraction’s best jokes however, it’s important to note that this trademark humor wasn’t originally part of The Jungle Cruise, at all. In fact, when The Jungle Cruise first opened along with the rest of Disneyland in July of 1955, it was played entirely straight.

The boat ride was set as a serious, straight-laced wildlife adventure, taking many of its cues from Walt Disney’s True Life Adventures series of nature documentaries, as well as classic Hollywood films like The African Queen , and featuring serious Skippers reciting a quite serious spiel. In fact, it would take the intervention of a Disney icon to make The Jungle Cruise funny.  

In the early 1960s, Walt Disney brought in one of his most acclaimed animators – Marc Davis , of the famous “Nine Old Men of Disney Animation” – into Imagineering to plus up several of Disneyland’s attractions. Davis began with the Mine Train Through Nature’s Wonderland, to which he added several funny animal gags and other visual jokes, turning what had been a somewhat dry attraction into a whimsical favorite. From there, Walt moved Davis over to The Jungle Cruise.  

Davis would spearhead the transformation of The Jungle Cruise from the original adventurous concept to the comedic classic we know today by introducing several iconic scenes, including the elephant pool and trapped safari sequences, both of which injected heavy doses of humor into the attraction. This new comedic influence expanded to the Skipper’s spiel, which became less serious and more comedic.  

The new version of The Jungle Cruise was a massive hit with Disneyland guests, leading to the the attraction — and it’s Skipper’s spiel — becoming more and more comedic over the years.

As the attraction developed, certain jokes became massive fan favorites, surviving duplications at Walt Disney World, Tokyo Disneyland, and Honk Kong Disneyland, each and every refurbishment and even the occasional modifications from certain Skippers. Some of the most famous include:

“Wave goodbye to all those people standing on the dock, you aren’t going to see them for 2 and half weeks. Just kidding you are never going to see them again.”

This joke, and several other similar puns, introduce the comedic skipper concept to guests just as their pulling out of the dock.  

“I’d like to point out some of my favorite plants here in the jungle.”

One of the ride’s earliest puns, this joke — which sees the Skipper deliver the above line then proceed to silently point at several plants — sets the tone of the attraction to follow, just in case the more comedic elements of the queue line flew over some guests heads.  

“Does anyone know what kind of snake that is? Begins with P… not Python good guess though, Plastic!”

This joke, one of several told as the boat encounters a massive python animatronic, is one of the biggest examples of the attraction breaking the fourth wall and acknowledging that guests are on a theme park attraction.  

“ This formation on the right is actually sandstone, most people take it for granite. It’s one of our boulder attractions here in the park.”

A fine use of dad joke-level play on words puns, this joke makes light of the “fake rocks” that can be found on many Disney attractions.  

“Everyone watch out for Ginger. Ginger snaps. That’s right, she’s one TOUGH cookie. I know, I know…it’s a crumby joke, but I milk it for all I can!”

This hat-on-a-hat-on-a-hat joke about one of the animatronic gators often gets big laughs, especially in the Florida version of the attraction.  

“Do you know why it’s so hard to eat zebra? You keep getting white meat – dark meat – white meat – dark meat.”

One of the darker jokes in the spiel, told when the ride vehicle comes across a pride of lions feasting on a zebra. The segment also sometimes include a riff on the zebra simply taking a nap.

“Of course, Schweitzer Falls is named after World famous Dr. Albert Falls. If you are not familiar with the doctor don’t worry about it we are going over Falls later” and “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I proudly present the backside of water.”

Arguably the most famous Jungle Cruise jokes, especially outside the theme park fandom bubble. In fact, references to both made it into the Dwayne Johnson-starring live action Jungle Cruise film.  

“Tigers can jump over 20 feet but don’t worry we are only 15 feet away, he would just jump right over us.”

Taking place once guest’s boat encounters the massive, red-eyed animatronic tiger in the ruined temple, this joke is perhaps the clearest example of the changeover from a serious/adventurous Jungle Cruise to its more comedic incarnation.  

“It’s okay to take pictures folks, they all have their trunks on.”

Told near the Marc Davis-created elephant pool, this might be the purest pun on our list.

“Well folks, I hope you all enjoyed your trip around the jungle! I had such a good time that I’m going to do it again…and again…and again…every 15 minutes for the next 8 hours.”

One of many jokes told by Skippers as guests disembark from The Jungle Cruise, many of which revolve around meta references to their true role as a Disney Cast Member.  

Of course, there have also been some Jungle Cruise jokes that haven’t stood the test of time, including many related to the culturally insensitive Trader Sam, who was removed from the attraction in the early 2020s.  

Did we cover your favorite Jungle Cruise joke, or do you think we missed out on the ride’s most glorious puns? Let us know in the comments below.  

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2 Replies to “The Best Disney World Jungle Cruise JOKES”

one of my favorites is when the skipper asks if any one wants to be the captain and of coarse at least one kid says yes. a little while later he announces that the boat is sinking and everyone must get off except the captain because the captain goes down with the ship

My favorite: It’s Charlton Heston’s worst nightmare: Ape’s with guns…..

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We have made this list in an effort to preserve the many hundreds of witty jokes that have been “spieled” on Disney’s Jungle Cruise for the last 45 years since Disneyland opened. Many of the very best lines are lost over time as even the official Disney scripts change every few years. We hope that this will be a permanent repository for some of the best (and worst) humor ever delivered in the “Tropical rivers of the world.” This is not an official script.

Table of Contents

•   In the Queue Area

Other Jokes You May Hear in Queue (but not queue related)

Boarding the boat, leaving the dock, hornbill cross, rain forest, indiana jones ride, ancient shrine, sunken city, bengal tiger, the crocodiles, the crocodiles when ducks are sleeping on them, three cobras, elephant god, elephant pool, squirting elephant, safari outpost, gorilla & crocodile, at schweitzer falls, bull elephants, african veldt, trapped safari (rhino), at the hippo pool when the gun doesn’t fire, headhunter territory, native village, at the native attack, going behind the falls, at night going behind the falls, rapids of kilimanjaro, python/water buffaloes, return to civilization, upon leaving the boat, other jokes, running gags, in the queue area.

Ladies and gentlemen. May I have your attention please? Due to circumstances beyond our control…the Jungle Cruise WILL be operating for the rest of the evening…Thank you.

Those of you adventurers entering the world-famous Jungle Cruise, please notice there are two lines, one on the right and the other on the left. If you’d like to keep your family together, please stay in the same line. However, if there is someone in your family you’d like to get rid of, just put them in the opposite line and you’ll never see them again.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. Would the party that lost the roll of 50 $20.00/$100.00 bills, wrapped in a red rubber band, please report to the turnstile…we have good news for you. We have found your rubber band.

To speed things up, we ask that you tell theloaders–the men who will be helping you into the boats–how many there are in your party. For instance, if there are four people in your party, say “Hi, Mr. Smiling Boat Loader, there are four people in my party…” and he will save you four seats. If there are eight people in your party, say “Hi, Mr. Smiling Boat Loader, there are eight people in my party…” and he will save you four seats.

Those of you who have just entered the Jungle Cruise are probably resigned to the fact that, being at the end of the line, you have a long wait. Well, we aim to please here at the world-famous Jungle Cruise. So, on the count of three, I want everyone to turn around. One…Two…Three. There–those at the back of the line are now at the front. Doesn’t that make you feel better?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the World Famous Jungle Cruise. Those of you who are waiting in line are probably resigned to the fact that there is a long wait. Well, we here at the Jungle Cruise aim to please. So, if you’d like to see the line move faster, please raise your hand. Once again, please raise your hand if you’d like to see the line move faster. (crowd raises hands) Okay, those of you who have your hands raised, please take one step to the right and let the people behind you through. Now you’ll definitely see the line move faster.

There are 87 varieties of poisonous snakes on the North American continent. We at the Jungle Cruise are proud of the fact that we have 82 of these varieties in the wooden rafters directly over your heads. Fear not, though, they will NOT attack a moving target, so please try to keep the line moving. If the line won’t move, simply run in place.

Today only, ladies and gentlemen, we will be allowing veterans to board the world-famous Jungle Cruise without waiting…veterans of the Civil War, that is, in full dress uniforms, accompanied by their parents and their horse. Everyone else will have to wait in line.

Some of our scouts here at the world-famous Jungle Cruise claim they’ve spotted tigers in the waiting area the last couple of days. But we know that’s ridiculous. After all, tigers are striped, not spotted.

We have some pretty smart animals back in the jungle. Take monkeys, for example. You ask them to name one of their relatives, and they go ape. And snakes, they’re pretty clever too. Ask them what the 19th letter of the alphabet is and they’ll say S-S-S-S-S. Tigers are known for their intelligence, but you can’t trust them. Yeah, you never know when they might be a lyin’ (lion). But I think rhinoceroses are by far the smartest animal in the jungle. Just last week, I asked what four minus four is, and he said nothing.

It’s a four hour wait from there. Have you been upstairs yet?

Adventurers and adventurettes, horseplay is not allowed while waiting to board the world-famous Jungle Cruise. If you want to play with your horse, you’ll have to do it elsewhere. We do, however, allow you to monkey around in line just as long as you don’t go bananas.

Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the World Famous Jungle Cruise Please do not take pictures while you are in the queue. Once again please do not take pictures while you are in the queue; They are nailed to the walls for a reason.

Ladies and Gentleman, I’d like to remind you that cutting in line will not be tolerated here at the World Famous Jungle Cruise. That’s right…there is to be no cutting in line. Anyone caught with scissors will be ejected from the queue.

Ladies and gentleman, to entertain you while in line for the World Famous Jungle Cruise let’s play “Name That Attraction”:

• Name that attraction.[ CM imitates the Fantasmic music ]If you answered “Fantasmic,” you are right. Ping!
• Name that attraction.[ CM sings “Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me” ]If you answered “Pirates of the Caribbean,” you are right. Ping!
• Name that attraction.[ CM makes wooshing and roaring sounds into the mic ]If you answered “The Matterhorn,” you are right. Ping!
• Name that attraction.[ CM makes the neighing sound of goat ]If you answered “Big Thunder Mountain,” you are right. Ping!
• Name that attraction.[ CM goes “Clop clop clop clop” ]If you answered “Main Street Horse Drawn Carriage,” you are right. Ping!
• Name that attraction.[ CM goes “Tick….Tock….Tick….Tock” ]If you answered ‘it’s a small world’, you are right. Ping!
• Name that attraction.[ CM pauses and then whines “Can we go now?” ]If you answered “Light Magic,” you are right. Ping!

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Eckiphino. Well, that’s not really what you get, but you must understand, this is a family attraction.

Why did the elephant ride on the Jungle Cruise? Frankly, I don’t know, but I wish someone would find out–he’s sunk five of our boats in the last week alone.

Why did the ape get a job? He was tired of monkeying around. Why did the elephant quit his job? He was tired of working for peanuts.

Knock, Knock…Who’s there?…Toucan…. Toucan Who?…Toucan not fit through the turnstiles at the same time.

Knock, Knock…Who’s there?…Safari…. Safari Who?…Safari, so good. You’ll be on the Jungle Cruise in just a few minutes.

That cushion in that back of the boat is actually a whoopee cushion. Don’t believe me, go ahead sit down. [ People sit, Skipper makes farting sound over PA. ] How embarrassing and in front of people you don’t even know.

Watch your step as you enter the boat. If you’re entering from the back, come up to the front. If you’re in the front, just follow the simple instructions of your simple minded loader.

Please listen to the boat loaders. They used to work in a sardine factory until they got canned. They didn’t mind too much though; They worked for scale.

Come all the way to the front–up by me. There’s no truth to the rumor that you get a longer ride in back.

Slide all the way forward now…That’s the only way we have of keeping the cushions clean!

Come on in, folks…Slide on down! That’s right slide on down, because the more you slide now, the less I have to clean later.

Some of you might want to come up and sit on our sacrificial altar [ pointing to the center cushion ]. We like to balance out the boat so when we sink, we go down evenly.

Please remember that the tighter you get, the better the heating system on the boat works.

If you could just sit in the doorway there–it keeps the wild animals out and the chickens and turkeys in.

I get paid for the number of people I take out…not the number I bring back!

Don’t worry if it’s crowded now…there’ll be lots of room on the way back.

How many of you are on the Jungle Cruise for the first time? Good! So am I.

Let’s get one thing straight…if we start to sink, the captain will be going down with the boat. I’d like you to meet your new captain [ looking at nearby guest ]…What did you say your name was?

Those of you sitting in the back are going to get a charge out of this trip. Yeah–you’re sitting on the battery. Some people find that revolting, but I think that there is a positive and negative side to everything. Shocking, isn’t it.

Come on to the front kids…You know I love kids…a little BBQ sauce, mustard, and catsup always helps though.

Look! Little kids! I love kids! A little mustard, a little barbecue sauce…[ chuckles at parents ] Oh I’m just kidding, I don’t like mustard all that much.

Welcome to, the mystery boat, the mystery boat, the mystery boat. Welcome to, the mystery boat. It’s a mystery it’s, still afloat. [ followed by a little song which I can’t recall ]. I am Maynard, your captain, guide, etc, for your journey. Just remember, the month of May followed by a nerd. I will need a volunteer to help me steer the boat, someone between the ages of 4 and 7. Ahh, thank you.

Were out of here, like a bad LA football team.

Welcome aboard the Leaki Tiki. Adventure lovers, my name is name and I’ll be your captain–unless we run into trouble–in which case your new captain will be taking over. [ looking at nearby guest ]…What did you say your name was?

Hello, everyone. I’d like to welcome you aboard the world-famous Jungle Cruise. My name is name and I’ll be your skipper for as far as we get.

Hello and welcome to the world famous Jungle Cruise. My name is name and I’ll be your skipper, guide, captain, cruise director and dance instructor for the next five exciting days and six romantic nights.

Where are you from sir/madam ? [ Guest answers ] Sorry? [ Guest repeats ] Oh–I heard you the first time, I was just sorry.

Everybody turn around and wave at the people on the dock…wave at them… ’cause you’re never going to see them again!…then again, you’ve probably never seen them before either.

Now, let’s everyone turn around and wave good-bye to those people on the dock we’ve left behind. [ In low voice ] Come on folks…pretend like you’re having a good time.

OK…before we go much further, everyone raise your right hand and repeat after me. “I hope….we do return”. Good! Better turn and take one last look at the dock–you may never see it again!

Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this boat actually leaving the dock? Or is it your imagination? And consider this dismaying observation: this boat is completely surrounded with water, and I’m you skipper. Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Of course you could always swim away!!!

And for your serious bird watchers, over there is a hornbill. Looks like he’s really gone out on a limb this time. If he’s not careful, he’s going to wind up a snack for those crocodiles.

And for all you serious bird watchers, over there is a serious hornbill, in serious trouble. If he’s not careful, he’s going to wind up a tasty lunch for those crocodiles! Seriously.

Over there is a rare species of hornbill…about to become a little more rare.

On the other side is my favorite jungle resident, Old Smiley, one of the laziest crocodiles in these parts. I do suggest that you keep your hands inside the boat because Smiley is always looking for a hand out.

And on the other side is Old Smiley. Did you know that crocodiles have remained basically unchanged for the last 20 million years? It’s true! And that’s just about how long Smiley’s been on this river. He doesn’t get around much anymore. Usually, he just sort of sits around, waiting for our boats and looking for a hand out.

As we leave the last outpost of civilization, we travel deep into the mouth of the Irrawaddy river of Asia into a tropical rain forests, where it rains some 365 days a year.

We’re now leaving the last outpost of civilization and entering the jungle by way of the Irrawaddy river of Burma.

Feel that mist on your faces…Don’t worry that’s only the monkeys in the trees.

Feel that mist on your faces…Don’t worry that’s only poisonous bacteria that will eat you all alive.

Do feel that wetness in the air around here? Well that’s the only evidence we have that are still some monkeys in the trees of the Jungle Cruise.

Here in the rain forest it sometimes rains 365 days per year…some years it even rains every day.

As you can see, countless varieties of plant life grow in abundance here. In fact, we’ve counted more than 100 varieties of rare bromeliads in this area. Many of these tropical plants get their nourishment simply from the air.

Now please watch out for these carnivorous vines [ pointing ]. Last week, one of them reached into the back of the boat and pulled a woman right out. It was awful! And just before she disappeared, she was feeling just vine…[ Pointing ] In fact she was sitting right where that lady/man/girl/boy in color is sitting!

Look here we have a bunch a very strange jungle species, ya see that one there [ pointing to a male ] the one with the wider hips–that’s the female of the species.

Look here we have a bunch of Asian albino hairless apes. Ya watch [ waves to people, they wave back ] monkey see, monkey do.

Over there is what we call the Indiana Jones Adventure and the Temple of the Four Hour/Forever Line.

Over there is the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. You can see all of the archeologists in line, cleverly disguised as tourists.

Over there is the world’s most popular bathroom. You can tell how popular it is by all of the people in line for it. Let’s ask these folks coming out what they thought of it…How was it?

Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?

Over there we have hungry natives foraging for food. This is because they’ve been turned away from Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Baloney Sandwich.

These are the ruins of an ancient shrine, almost totally destroyed centuries ago by an earthquake. Many explorers have tried to steal that priceless ruby, but no one’s ever gotten past that poisonous spider.

How many of you think that’s a big spider? [ show of hands ] How many of you think he’s bigger than the one crawling up that man’s/woman’s leg [ quickly pointing to guest ]?

Through this archway, we enter the remains of the sunken city, now almost totally reclaimed by the jungle.

Has anyone seen my kitty cat? Here kitty, kitty…oh! There he is!

A Bengal Tiger can leap twenty feet! Fortunately we’re ten feet away and he would go over us and land in the bushes on the other side. The Bengal Tiger can jump over ten thousand feet…once.

Look at that! It’s a large Bengal Tiger. Now, Bengal Tigers are known to leap over FIVE THOUSAND feet in order to catch their prey. That is…when you throw them out of an airplane.

That Bengal Tiger over there weighs about 500 pounds. He’s looking right at you sir/ma’am –better keep smiling.

That Bengal Tiger can jump up to 35,000 feet…out of a plane that is.

See those crocodiles over there. We have trained them to stay perfectly still so you can take better pictures.

And here we have some killer crocodiles. Don’t worry though, they’ve been bolted/super glued to the rocks for their/your protection.

Do you know what the difference between the crocodiles and alligators are? The crocodiles are made of plastic and the alligators are made with fiberglass.

You know, the crocs are always looking for a hand out. Ya, but be careful, I once had an English teacher on board and she didn’t listen to me and now she’s teaching shorthand.

And look, over here we have some terrifying killer ducks. You can tell how much they’ve frightened that crocodile below them because he’s scared stiff.

The crocodile is a terrifyingly ferocious animal, and also provides a comfortable place to sleep.

And here we have three cobras sticking their tongues out at us with no regards for our feelings.

On our left is Ganesha, the elephant god, who guards the entrance of the sacred bathing pool of the elephants.

On our left, Ganesha, the elephant god, holding his nose and on our right, Wiki Wiki, his brass monkey side kick.

Look here it’s the republican national convention. You can take pictures because they all have their trunks on. And if you look over there under the waterfall, it’s Bob Dole. Oh by the way, if you want to see the Democrats, they’re back at the Hunchback of Notre Dame Festival of Fools.

And it looks like a whole herd has come down to bathe! Don’t scare them now…of course, the big shot gets the private shower…but I kind of like the little squirts myself.

And look at all the elephants out here today! This comes as a complete surprise to me cause I had no idea these guys were going to be here. If you want to take pictures go ahead–all the elephants have their trunks on.

And just ahead, you’ll notice an alligator playing with an elephant. That’s not a sight you’ll see every day! [ lower voice ] But I will…over…and over…and over…

See that elephant right there, that’s the richest elephant in the whole jungle. Yeah–it’s “Donald Trunk”.

As we leave the elephant pool, we head into…uh-oh–a big one is coming up on the right and it looks like he’s aiming for us! [ Elephant squirts over bow and goes down again, then comes up ] Oh no! He’s coming up again–you folks on the right get down! [ Elephant doesn’t squirt ] Well…I guess he didn’t have time to reload. [ or ] Well I guess he didn’t have enough trunk space.

OK, we’re leaving the elephants now and pressing further into the…Wait a second, it looks like one of the larger elephants did not want to be disturbed. He’s coming up again…you folks in the back get down! [ After elephant does not squirt ] You in the middle/back –that was very clever hiding behind the little child.

Oh no! What’s this? I’ll hurry up and go through. It looks like were not going to make it. Those in the back may want to duck. [ after passing ] You guys didn’t move; you must have been frozen with fear.

You know, a lot of safaris camp around this area. Hmm….that could be one up ahead. [ Points ] Uh-oh…this one has some uninvited house guests! They do have a unique way of washing the dishes. [ Points to water ] Those gorillas sure did a sloppy job parking that jeep! But I guess monkeying around comes naturally to ’em.

Nothing to be concerned about. Just a bunch of gorillas having a good time. I wouldn’t get too close, though. They may look like a nice bunch, but let me tell you–those guys are really animals.

Now please, if you’re wearing yellow, don’t make any noises like a banana…it drives them ape!

Ah, that explains things! It looks like that afari has some uninvited house guests! [ pause ] [ Yelling to gorillas ] Hey! Where’d you guys learns to parallel park anyway? [ Back to guests ] Ah, they’re not listening. I guess they’re too busy monkeying around.

And now we come upon a jungle encampment. It’s being overrun by a bunch of women wearing fur coats. [ Pause ] Hey! Those are gorillas! [ pause ] dressed up as women wearing fur coats.

Folks, this is what happens when you leave your kids at home alone.

Earlier these guys were having a tough time starting that jeep, but I can see that they’ve finally gotten it to turn over.

And one of them is trying to have a mind blowing experience…If he’s not too careful, he’ll have a real splitting headache.

I’d like to point out some of the plant life here on the Jungle Cruise. There’s a hibiscus, a low-biscus, and that little one barking is a doggie biscus. Say, there’s the Anheiser Bush, it looks ready to bud.

Anybody know the names of those? Anybody? Oh well.

See that bamboo over there? It grows to be 6 stories tall, but people say it can grow to 7 stories but that’s a whole other story.

Now there’s a croc with a snappy personality! Ha–he’s going to get himself a knuckle sandwich if he’s not careful.

Well, will you look at that–some of the camp’s food made it downstream. But I don’t think it’s going to waste.

Look there! That’s something you don’t see every day, but I do.. every day, every 15 minutes.

Over there is Schweitzer Falls, named after the famous Dr. Albert [ pause ] Falls.

Lean in the middle, lean in the middle, if you lean in the middle, we’ll all sink evenly!

Say what you will about women drivers, but –heh –I’ve never been good at making this turn. HANG ON!!!

To the left is the beautiful Schweitzer Falls, and if you look over here to your right….and then back to your left, you can have a second look at Schweitzer Falls.

We’ve turned on to the Nile river of Africa, the longest river in the world, winding across more than 4000 miles.

We’ve now turned down the Nile river–the longest river in all of Anaheim. That’s right a whole 200 feet. [ after intro ] and if you don’t believe that, you must be in denial.

Up on the Elephants bank, we have African bull elephants. Those enormous ears and great tusks  distinguish them from the Indian elephants we saw earlier.

On the left we have an African Bull Elephant. And for those of you with short term memory problems, on the right we have an African Bull Elephant.

On the left bank there-it’s a huge bull elephant. The large sloping forehead and enormous ears mark the African bull, the second most feared animal in the jungle. On the other, THE most feared animal in the jungle–his wife/mother-in-law .

On the right bank, we have Bertha. She’s a great elephant, as she obeys commands: “Speak!” [ elephant makes a little trumpet ] “You can do louder than that!” [ elephant makes a load trumpet ] “Ok, we’d like to some pictures, so stand perfectly still.” [ elephant stands perfectly still ] Let’s give her a round of applause.

Ok everyone, here are the Monkeys, wave to the Monkeys… [ silence ] Ah, well, you see, they would wave back, but their are glued to the rocks.

Look at that family of baboons; There’s Pat Baboon, Debbie Baboon, Daniel Baboon, and the hair stylist Vidal Baboon.

And over here we have the Baboon family. There’s Pat Baboon, Debbie Baboon, their hairdresser Vidal Baboon, and, uh, oops, that’s not a baboon, that’s my ex-girlfriend. Yes, I left her for my new girlfriend who can leap over 20 feet and weighs over 500 pounds.

How do you tell the difference between the male and female Zebras. The males have black and white stripes and the females have white and black stripes.

And over here we have some referees.

Oh, it looks like the entire baboon family has come down to the water’s edge today, along with the other residents of the African veldt. See the striped animals over there? Those are zebras. And the big tll ones with the long necks? Those are giraffes. And the black ones over here with horns–well, I’ve never seen them before. They must be gnu!

Here’s a little advice. Never play poker in the jungle, because there are lots of cheetahs around. If they say they’re not a cheetah, then they’re probably just a lion.

Hey I know that guy on the bottom, his names Juan. Ya, and it looks like that rino is going to get a hole in Juan.

There’s that lost safari we’ve been looking for. Obviously mixed up in some kind of native uprising.

Well, bottoms up, fellows, I’m sure you’ll get the point…in the end!

Uh-oh…look! That safari’s in a tight spot there. But that rhino seems more than willing to give them a lift.

That rhino seems to be getting his point across, and I’m sure that guy on the bottom will get it in the end!

Of course, it could be worse for those guys…they could be the Zebra.

Well–you know what they say…safari, so good. So I guess we’ll be moving on.

We are now turning onto a pool of dangerous hippos, so please, sit still and don’t rock the boat. These huge creatures are quite curious and could easily upset our boat. So please, don’t do anything that might attract them!

Last week, they overturned six of our boats…only FIVE of them were MINE, though!.

Don’t worry, the natives tell me that they are only dangerous when they wiggle their ears and blow bubbles….

How many of you are willing to go on? [ show of hands ] How many of you want to turn back? How many of you are apathetic about the situations?

Uh-oh…it looks like one of them’s going to try to charge our boat! [ shoots ] Looks like we’ve scared them off. I bet he’ll have a headache tomorrow!

Uh-oh, I guess it looks like one of them is going to try to tip us over. I’d better scare ’em away. [ shoots ] Well, it looks like that did the trick. You could tell that they were scared by all of the blank looks on their faces.

If we’re all real quiet, you can sometimes hear the baby hippos calling for their mothers. [ Low voice ] Shhh–be real quite now…listen ….[ leaning out of boat, yells ] “Hey mom!”

“Bang! Bang!” [ Hippo retreats ] “Boy are they dumb.”

“Bang! Bang!” [ Hippo retreats ] “Whew! That was close!”

Disney has gone bankrupt, and we can’t afford bullets anymore.

Uh oh, we’re now entering into headhunter territory. Not a good place to be headed.

We’re entering headhunter country now…be very quiet. In that canoe over there…the remains of my last crew. They had a good time, even to the end–they’re still smiling.

Shhh…we’re entering headhunter country now…don’t make a sound. In that canoe over there are some of the native’s arts and crafts. Art’s the one on the top!

We’re not out of danger yet–this is headhunter territory. Remove your jewelry please. The natives have been complaining of indigestion.

The natives seem to be celebrating the kill of that lion…maybe we can sneak by. Don’t attract their attention.

I studied their language in college. Lets see if I can pick up a little: Put your right foot in, shake it all about, Put your right foot out, shake it all about.

Hey look! It’s the Village People! Let’s see what they’re saying… Y-M-C-A

This group is trying to come up with a name for themselves for their upcoming CD, they have two choices, either the Village People or Fine Young Cannibals.

Keep your eyes on these bushes on the right there. [ Turns around quickly ] They’re on the LEFT this time. Uh-oh, it looks like a native war party on the left. You folks, please get down on the floor. [ Makes whooshing sound into mike ] Ah, those are spears by the way. Women and children–stand up! All the men–get down!

Uh oh, it looks like these natives are going to attack us. Kids, Women…you better lie down. Men..Stand up!”

Oh no! The natives are throwing spears! Women and children, stand up! Men, get on the bottom of the boat! Get down in the boat, get down in the boat, come on you’re making me look stupid up here!

If they hit you with a spear, just pull it out and throw it back at them-you’re not allowed to keep souvenirs. We certainly don’t want you to be stuck with it for the rest of the trip.

On the left, a friendly group of native traders. Ukka Mucka Lucka…Ubonga Swahili Ungawa…Wagga Kuna Nui Ka…It’s a good thing I speak their language. [ Turns to guest ] They want to trade their coconuts for your wife/child/husband …I think we should hold out for at least four.

Beautiful Schweitzer Falls is upon us again. The overhanging rock formation will afford us a different view this time. I have a special treat for you, folks. You may never have seen this before…there it is–the backside of water!

Now kids, don’t try to see this at home, as you’ll hit the back of your head on the fawcet.

Now hold onto your seat cushions because we’re about to do something really special–no extra charge. Are you ready? We’re now going UNDER water!

And now, the reason you came; the most spectacular site you’ll see all day. ladies and gentlemen, a true wonder of the world! a splendiferous sight of epic proportions! a once in a lifetime opportunity! ladies and gentlemen! today’s the day, never again! never before! ladies and gentlemen! get your cameras up! get your children up! because you won’t see this anywhere else in the world today!

ladies and gentlemen, I give you,

without further ado,

the much heralded!

the much anticipated!

the much awaited!

the much sought after!

the much talked about!

the much ballyhooed!

the pinacle of sight and sound that’s unparalelled and unprecedented by anything else in the world today!

ladies and gentlemen! I give you,

the pinacle of your Disneyland experience!

the crescendo of your Disneyland day!

ladies and gentlemen, a sight that’s unrivalled by anything else in the world today!

ladies and gentlemen, you’ve searched the ends of the earth! the corners of the globe! the edges of the universe!

ladies and gentlemen, the sole reason you came to Disneyland!

it’s amazing! incredible! astounding! fascinating!

ladies and gentlemen, the highlight of the cruise!

ladies and gentlemen, the sight that you’ll be telling your grandchildren about for generations!

the backside of water!</>b

That was some sight.

It almost leaves me speechless.

click here for a sound clip .

Ladies and gentlemen, Walt Disney proudly presents, Fantasmic! [ The guide sings part of the song while shining his flashlight on the back of the water and at the ends says in a squeaky voice: ] Some imagination, huh hehee!

On that old stump there are spectacular toucans, some of the most colorful birds in the jungle. Toucan do much better than one can.

Over on the right you can see a branch with two toucans. And, of course, three toucans make a six-pack.

If we start sinking, we’ll have to lighten our load. [ Turns to guest ] You folks over there want to get your belongings together? You may be leaving us shortly.

Hang on…we’re coming across some white water here. One of those jagged rocks could easily rip the bottom right out of our boat. If we start to go down, just grab for the bright red seat cushions. [ color not on boat ] They’re the only ones that float.

We’re now entering the incredibly dangerous white water rapids of Kilimanjaro. Grab hold of something solid, like those safety bars of the person next to you because we’re going to be bouncing up and down a lot! [ jumps up and down, side to side ] Whew! Did you feel the sheer power of that?

On the right here are some fascinating rock formations. Really interesting. It’s sad though. I come through here all the time, point these out to people, but they just take them for granite.

See that rock right there, it’s actually made of limestone, but many of my crews just take it for granite.

Now we’re in the dangerous rapids of Kilomanjaro. And in the the water, there’s dangerous pointy things which can sink the boat. that would be bad, because there on the right hand side, is bubbling, deadly man-eating piranha. Even worse, on the other side of the boat, deadly woman-eating piranha.

Hey look there, what kind of snake is that? [ People answer with the names of kinds of snake ] No, it a plastic snake.

Python’s are one of the less intelligent animals in the jungle. If they were smart do you think that he would be hugging that dead tree stump when food is all around him.

Uh-oh…Look ahead there! A huge python. It looks like he tried to put the squeeze on that baby water buffalo…Actually, he’s very affectionate, and if we get much closer, he could get a crush on you!

And on the left, a huge python, one of the jungle’s most fascinating and studied creatures. After all, look at all the animals that totally get wrapped up in the subject!

Over here we have a rare species of vegetarian python. You can tell since he has a stranglehold on that tree.

Lookie at the Python, sitting in the tree, H-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Hey folks, what sound does a snake make? [ people respond by hissing ] Oh common, the jokes aren’t that bad.

Hey folks, you know that most snakes hiss. Well, here on the world famous jungle cruise we have the only snake that grunts. Listen… [ Water Buffalo makes grunting sounds ]…see?

And here we have Sam the trader. Sam is the head salesman in these parts. This will probably make you wonder “Why can’t he get a decent dental plan?” Well, business has been shrinking lately. So, he has a special two for one offer. Two of his heads, for one of yours. Do we have any volunteers? You madame [ points to a woman inthe boat ], your hand was up. Are you ready to jump? We’ll count to three. One…two…three. You didn’t jump. Did you change your mind? [ guest nods ] Women always do.

There’s old Trader Sam, head salesman of the area. Business has been shrinking lately, so this week only, Sam’s offering a two-for-one special: two of his, for one of yours!

There’s old Trader Sam…Three explorers came through here last week and Sam invited them for dinner. When he told them what the menu was, they completely lost their heads.

Trader Sam was thrown out of college, ya, he was caught buttering up one of his professors, now he’s a psychologist. You can tell who is clients are, he a shrink to the ones on the left and the ones on the right are his basket cases.

Sam had me over for dinner the other night. I enjoyed it and said to him “Your wife sure does make a good chili” He said “Yeah, but I’m sure going to miss her.”

Sam had me over for dinner the other night; unfortunately I arrived late and all he gave me was the cold shoulder.

This is my good friend Sam, who runs the Cannibal Cafe. The last time I talked to Sam was at his cafe. I told that I didn’t like his brother very much. He told me ‘Next time, have the salad.’

And now, probably the most dangerous part of our journey–the return to civilization! I certainly hope you’ve enjoyed our cruise. However, if your in-laws are still with you, you’ve missed a golden opportunity. However, bring them back later tonight for our “in-law” special…halfway for half fare, no questions asked.

And now, the most dangerous part of our journey–the return to civilization and those California freeways. Talk about a jungle!

And now the most dangerous part of our journey, the return to civilization. On the dock we have two disguised monkeys who have shaved their fur off and put on clothes to help assist you out of the boat. And for our volunteer, I present this special leaf [ hands a leaf to the kid ].

Now we are entering the most dangerous part of our journey – the trip home on the Santa Ana Freeway. Dangerous for you, that is, I’m here ’til midnight.

Make sure you have all personal belongings with you…cameras, purses, small children…anything left on board will be thrown screaming to the crocodiles.

Thank You for riding and have a good day. And as Michael Jackson would say [ In a feminine voice ] “Thank You for riding and have a good day.” And as Charley Brown’s teacher would say [ In the teachers weird voice ] “Wa, wa-wa, wa wa wa,…” And now as Millie Vinille would say [ mouths the words ] “Thank You for riding and have a good day.”

Please keep your hands inside the boat, I sure don’t want my new dock ruined.

Now comes the most perilous part of the trip, our return to civilization and my attempt to ram the dock.

There are two docks at the end of the ride. Don’t get confused. It is a paradox. [ pair of docks ] And those two guys are a pair o dorks.

It’s very important that you wait to get off the boat until one of our dock crew is there to assist you. Just yesterday we had a lady fall in and none of them were around to laugh at her.

I certainly enjoyed having you aboard the Jungle Cruise today, and I hope you all enjoyed being had/taken .

If you had a good time on this ride, my naMe is name and this is the Jungle Cruise. If you didn’t have a good time, my name is some other name and this is Storybookland/the Submarine Voyage/the Keel Boats .

If you had a good time on the Jungle Cruise, well then my name is name . If you didn’t, then my name is John. [ cast member, John appears on the unload dock ] Oh, hi John. How’s it going?

Enjoy your day at the 2nd most happiest place on earth. What’s the happiest? The employee parking lot 15 minutes after close.

Well, it’s the end of the ride and now we return you to this magical, mystical place I like to call…in sick as much as possible.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your day at the largest human trap ever built by a mouse.

Ladies and gentleman, you were outstanding on the boat today, but now I need you out standing on the dock now.

Now, as you’re leaving the boat, if you find your shoes rapidly filling with water, you’ve gotten out on the wrong side!

As you exit the boat, please watch your step and mind your head. If you miss your step and hit your head, watch your language, Disneyland is a family place.

Helping you out will be the Lee brothers, Ug-lee and Home-lee.

Oh look, here’s Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dumber.

Ok everyone rise like bread. Don’t loaf around. I know this job isn’t much, but it’s the yeast I can do for the dough I make. I guess I’m really on a roll here.

Don’t step on anyone’s feet, you’ll feel like a heel, and we’ll have to call a toe truck. Then you’d have to foot the bill.

Please make sure you have all your children with you. We take children left behind over to It’s a Small World, nail/bolt/superglue their feet to the floor and force them to sing that song over and over and over and…

Folks, as we near the dock, all the people waiting to help you out give you an idea of how many people actually work at Disneyland… about one out of three.

Please exit the boat the same way you entered…pushing and shoving.

Two of the world’s largest pygmies will assist you from the boat. Please take your kids by the hand and watch your step.

OK, everybody stand up please. Those of you on the dock side will be helped out by the front, those of you on the water side should turn around and you’ll be helped out by the rear…of the boat that is.

When I count to three, everybody stand…the last one standing is a baby hippo. Ready? One…two…four! Look at all the baby hippos!

Do stand up…off your seats, on your feets.

All right…if you don’t stand, you’ll have to go again! I knew that would get you up.

Look down and watch your step as you exit. If you feel faint, don’t hesitate to throw your arms around the necks of the unloaders… that’s ladies only, please!

Don’t fall in the water as you leave…we’ll have to charge you extra.

Well folks, I hope you all enjoyed your trip around the jungle. I had such a good time–I’m going to go again! [ low voice ]…and again, and again, and again…

Bye now! Come back and see me again when you have the courage…and enjoy the rest of your stay in the Magic Kingdom.

Aren’t you going to say good-bye, after all we’ve been through together?

Please be sure to tell your friends how much you enjoyed the Jungle Cruise…it helps keeps the lines down.

Please don’t go out the window–you’ll get a window pane.

Watch your step, and please don’t step on small children indiscriminately. Pick the one you want and make sure you get him!”

Of all the groups I’ve taken on this ride, you’re the most…recent.

We hope you enjoy the rest of your day here in this magic and enchanting land that we call…work.

If you would like to see me on the David Letterman Show next month… please write him a letter and tell him you would like to see me there!

And, as you leave the parking lot tonight, be sure to enjoy Disney’s newest parade — “Tail-light Magic”. The best part of this parade? You supply the music!

And, after searching for your car in our beautiful 100 acre parking lot, be sure to watch the “Tail-light electrical parade” (or “The West Street Electrical Parade”) With thousands of sparkling lights twinkling into the distance. And the best part of the parade? You get to be a part of it!

Before I came to the Jungle, I worked in an Orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate. My boss almost beat the pulp out of me. They really put the squeeze to me, too.

I used to work in a watch factory. I sat around making faces all day.

Here, take some advice. NEVER play leapfrog with an Unicorn!

All of these must be done in sequence

• [ Lion’s Den at night ][ Skipper points the light at the baby lion ] Awww, look…it’s SIMBA!!!!
• [ Native Village ][ Skipper points light at the dead lion hanging upside-down over the fire pit ] Look, it’s Simba again!!!!
• [ at the tiger ]You know, a tiger can weigh over 500 pounds and leap up to 20 feet! Isn’t that amazing!
• [ at the water buffalo ]And you know, a water buffalo can weigh over 500 pounds and leap up to 20 feet! Isn’t that amazing!
• [ at the zebras ]Hey, guess what, did you know that a zebra can weigh over 500 pounds and leap up to 20 feet? Isn’t that amazing!!
• [ at the snake ]And by the way, a snake can weigh up to 500 pounds and leap up to 20 feet! Isn’t that AMAZING!!
• [ boat pulls up to the dock ]Leonard’s going to help you folks out of the boat, now. By the way, Leonard, I hear you have a new girlfriend, and she weighs over 500 pounds and can leap up to 20 feet! ISN’T THAT AMAZING!!![ Leonard ]: “Yeah. So?”

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Best Jungle Cruise Jokes, Changes and the Movie

The Best Jungle Cruise Jokes may be told by different skippers every time you ride Jungle Cruise at Walt Disney World or Disneyland but that doesn’t make them any less funny. Or shall we say punny? If you’re looking for all the best jungle cruise puns so you can relive your latest vacation cruise we got ’em!

• 1 Jungle Cruise Changes at Walt Disney World and Disneyland
• 2 What Is Not Changing at Jungle Cruise?
• 3 Jungle Cruise History
• 4 Jungle Cruise Jokes
• 5 Jungle Cruise Merch
• 6 Jungle Cruise The Movie
• 7 The Jungle Cruise Restaurant 
• 8 Jingle Cruise | Christmas on the Jungle Cruise

Jungle Cruise Changes at Walt Disney World and Disneyland

 “New adventures that stay true to the experience we know and love – more humor, wildlife and skipper heart – and also reflect and value the diversity of the world around us.” Through these changes, The Jungle Cruise will get its “first continuous story, fantastic updated scenes, colorful new characters, and more.” 

What is Changing on Jungle Cruise at Magic Kingdom?

In the D23 interview , Imagineering Creative Portfolio Executive Chris Beatty shared info on EVERYTHING happening to the Jungle Cruise rides at both Walt Disney World and Disneyland.

New Storylines

When looking at Jungle Cruise scenes don’t you wish for more of a story? Well, Beatty poses the questions throughout the ENTIRE ride and that is what is changing.

Rhino Scene

“Did you ever wonder who those explorers were or where they came from? What’s their backstory? As part of the enhanced storyline, each one of them will have their own story and cultural heritage.” These folks were a “birdwatcher, an entomologist, a wildlife painter, and a photographer, and each one will have a different reason for being on the expedition. And, of course, they did one of the things you’re never supposed to do, which leaves the boat.”

And we’ll be getting a few interactive scenes in the midst too. In the Rhino scene, you’ll see an “animatronic skipper, who’s been chased up the pole by the rhino, along with the other explorers.” Beatty noted, “we’re not really re-envisioning that scene, we’re just adding a narrative and storytelling to bring things to life and connect that moment with other happenings along the river.”

The Explorers Boat

We know this scene to have a boat beached on the rocks. Who knew that it may have actually belonged to those explorers before?  Here Beatty shares that the “chimpanzees are almost making fun of us. It’s the animals really getting the last laugh in this cute scene—these silly explorers really came in and invaded their world.”

Trader Sam Final Scene

Replaced for obvious reasons Trader Sam is being replaced with mock a gift shop! “Word on the stream is that Alberta Falls, proprietor of the Jungle Navigation Company Ltd., has entrusted her longtime friend, Trader Sam, to manage the new Lost & Found location.  But, with Trader Sam being Trader Sam, there’s always an opportunity to make some extra money. After all, all the best rides end with a gift shop, right? 

Take a look at this rendering of their newest venture together. Clearly, Sam is betting on an established reputation as the best merchant in the jungle! But, while he’s out lost and finding some new inventory, it’s the animals that get the last laugh!”

You can see more descriptions of these expanded new storylines from Kevin Lively, a Disney Imagineer and former Skipper, below.

And if you’re looking for even more up close and personal action then watch Imagineer Kevin Lively ( and former Jungle Cruise Skipper) in the video below discussing some of the changes coming to the attraction’s storyline. 

Why is Disney Changing Jungle Cruise?

Beatty also shared that since Disney is “constantly evaluating ways to enhance attractions and experiences in our parks to make sure everybody has the best time—that guests from all over the world can connect with the stories we share and that how we bring those to life are respectful of the diverse world we live in. When you look at the Jungle Cruise, as it is today, there are just a couple of scenes that don’t do that and needed a refresh.”

What Is Not Changing at Jungle Cruise?

Thankfully, Disney “is not a re-envisioning of the entire attraction. It’s the Jungle Cruise you know and love, with the skippers still leading the way, and at the same time, we’re addressing the negative depictions of ‘natives.’ So that’s one of the scenes we’re going to go in and change.”

Some of the Jokes Stay the Same!

Skippers will get new material, but classic jokes will remain the same! It’s really just about  “enhancing the existing attraction storyline and addressing some areas that needed refreshing along the way.” 

Will Jungle Cruise Be the Same at Walt Disney World and Disneyland?

If you’re wondering whether things will be different in Disneyland vs. Disney World, Beatty has noted that they will be telling the same story on both coasts. The scenes they’ll be adjusting in the ride will be the same.

When will Jungle Cruise Changes Happen? And Be Completed?

This year! Yep, according to Disney Parks Blog plans for the ride, including script changes, scenes, and basic refurbishments will all happen this year to be ready by the END OF 2021! We anticipate this is one of the 50th Anniversary Golden Nugget Projects on the way for the celebrations planned to go through 2022. 

Jungle Cruise History

As one of Walt Disney’s passion projects inspired by his True-Life Adventures series, The Jungle Cruise ride was first meant to actually have live animals. Which could have been awesome, but crazy unpredictable. So that idea was shot down. Thankfully, with the introduction of animatronic animals, everyone decided they would be easier to manage. 

Jungle Cruise opened July 17, 1955, in Disneyland Park and has been a mainstay Disney classic ride since then. Later opening in Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World on October 1, 1975, Jungle Cruise is one of that cult classic rides in both parks that have a following. This simple boat ride down the Amazon River is filled with scenery and shade and jokes. And a must-do ride on hot days. 

Jungle Cruise Radio Station

The Jungle Navigation Co. runs the Jungle Cruise, along the Amazon River. Known for its Exotic Cruises Departing Daily, business is good at this depression-era British Outpost. Guests seeking adventure can wait to board add listen to Skipper Albert Awol, the Voice of the Jungle. This radio show broadcasts on the DBC to all points unknown. And if you’re in the mood for classic 1930’s music, ads for mosquito netting, and forecasts for skippers you can grab the Jungle Cruise Soundtrack of the Radio Show.

Jungle Cruise Jokes

The best part of the Jungle Cruise is the jokes. While each Jungle Cruise Skipper brings their own sass and tone to every journey, the puns remain the same. We’ve broken these down by topic so far because there are so many. But if you have a favorite we missed, add it in the comments! 

Jungle Cruise Jokes about the Scenery

Bamboo Stories

“See that bamboo over there? It grows to be six stories tall. People say it can grow to seven stories, but that’s a whole other story.”

Dr. Falls and the Backside of Water

“And now, we’re approaching the beautiful Schweitzer Falls, named after that famous African explorer, Dr. Albert Falls.”

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…the backside of water! O2H! Oh, 2, H!

Carnivorous Vines

Now please watch out for these carnivorous vines. Last week, one of them reached into the back of the boat and pulled a woman right out. It was awful! And just before she disappeared, she was feeling just vine.

And More Scenery

“Here’s Trader Sam. He’s our head salesman in the jungle. He’s got a pretty good deal for you guys today…two of his heads for just one of yours. Either way, you slice it, you’ll always come out ahead. That’s a killer deal.”

Our Favorite Plants

“I’d like to point out some of my favorite plants here in the jungle.” (Skipper points at various plants)

Boulder Attractions

(Skipper points to huge rock)“This formation on the right is actually sandstone, most people take it for granite. It’s one of our boulder attractions here in the park.”

The Nile River

“Alright folks, we are now entering the Nile, the longest river in the world. It goes on for Niles and Niles and Niles, and if you don’t believe me, then you’re in…(everyone in the boat says denial!) A BOAT! You’re in a boat! Come on, folks!”

Jungle Cruise Jokes about the Animals

A Toucan Six Pack

“There are a couple of toucans, if we had another we would have a six-pack!”

Ginger Snaps

“Everyone watch out for Ginger. Ginger snaps. That’s right, she’s one tough cookie. I know, I know…it’s a crumby joke, but I milk it for all I can!”

Bengal Tiger Jumping

“That’s no house cat over there. Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet, and we must be at least, well… 19 feet away! Don’t worry, he’ll jump right over us.”

Animal Types

“Here, we can see many different types of animals, such as the stripe-y pony thing, the long-neck cheetah…and the ones with the horns, those are new. And, of course, those are lions, ’cause if I called them anything else, I’d be lyin’.”

Rhino Arguments 

“This right here is a perfect example of why you never get into an argument with a rhino. He’ll always get his point across…in the end.”

 Hippo’s Charge the Boat

“It looks like the hippos are trying to charge the boat. Well too bad, I only accept cash.”

Sleeping Zebras

“Don’t worry kids! That zebra is just sleeping. Those lions are his friends! The Lions are protecting the sleeping zebra.”

Crocodiles VS. Alligators

“Do you know what the difference between the crocodiles and alligators is? The crocodiles are made of plastic and the alligators are made with fiberglass.”

Looking for a Hand Out

“You know the crocs are always looking for a hand out. But be careful – I once had an English teacher on board, she didn’t listen to me and now she’s teaching shorthand.”

And More Animal Puns on Jungle Cruise

The Richest Elephant

See that elephant right there? That’s the richest elephant in the whole jungle. It’s ‘Donald Trunk’.

Elephant Snot

Awe look at those elephants bathing over there. You know, you make think that’s water coming out of their trunks but it’s snot.

Scaring Away Hippos

“Oh no! Look at the Hippos that are about to attack the boat. Don’t worry I know just the thing that will scare them away, it worked on my last boyfriend. Screams, “Hey hippos, I love you. I really want to marry you and be with you forever and ever.”

Jungle Cruise Jokes about People

Suffocating Relationship

“Look at that boa sitting in a tree, h-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes…asphyxiation…just like every single relationship I’ve ever had. Yeah, it’s funny ’cause you think I’m joking. I’m really lonely, guys.”

Parental Acceptance

“I love my job as a skipper. In fact, my parents are so proud…of…my brother….”

A Family Atmosphere

 “Please watch your head when you leave the boat, and if you can’t watch your head, then watch your mouth. This is a family atmosphere.”

Working 9-5

“Well folks, I hope you all enjoyed your trip around the jungle! I had such a good time that I’m going to do it again…and again…and again…every 15 minutes for the next 8 hours.”

The World-Famous Jungle Cruise

 “If you enjoyed yourself, my name is Joe and this has been the world-famous Jungle Cruise. If you didn’t, then my name is Kevin and this has been the Haunted Mansion.”

Epcot Attendance

“As guests are boarding the boat “Come on everyone let’s fill up all available space, load the boat up. That’s the best way to enjoy the Jungle Cruise, fully loaded…. WITH PEOPLE. Come on, this isn’t EPCOT!”

Getting Paid

“I get paid for the number of people I take out… not the number I bring back!”

Saying Goodbye

“Everyone, turn around and wave goodbye to the folks back on the dock… they may never see you again.”

Ride Quality

“You know, they say you can always judge the quality of a ride by its line, how long did you folks wait? My point exactly.”

Job Trouble

“Before I came to the Jungle, I worked in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. My boss almost beat the pulp out of me…”

Which Disney Jungle Cruise Boat Sank?

Sankuru Sadie actually sunk in 2004 and Bomokandi Bertha sank in 2020 both in Magic Kingdom.

Jungle Cruise Merch

If you’re looking for classic Jungle Cruise, Jungle Cruise film merchandise or anything you may find down the river in the Amazon, check out the Jungle Cruise Collection on shopDisney.com. And since Jungle Cruise is absolutely one of our favorite rides, we just couldn’t help making some shirts to honor this super fun Disney Attraction. Our very first and classic Jungle Cruise shirt was inspired by a poster we once saw and just had to add a little Adventureland fun to the mix.  Check out the Jungle Cruise Hippo Collection . 

Jungle Cruise The Movie

Jungle Cruise Release Date July 30, 2021, in theaters and on Disney+ Premiere Access

The Jungle Cruise Film Adaptation is with Emily Blunt and Dwayne Johnson, Jungle Cruise is gonna be the best movie ever. Already the poster is showing inspiration from the Indiana Jones films with a little bit of drama. Following in the footsteps of Pirates of the Caribbean, another Disney attraction-turned-film franchise, this is an original script taken directly from ride inspiration. We can expect to see all our favorite parts of the ride show up in some way in the movie, alongside all our favorite Jungle Cruise puns. Check out the Jungle Cruise Trailer below. Watch Jungle Cruise on Disney Plus, available July 30, 2021.  

Will Jungle Cruise Movie Scenes End up in the Ride?

Not overall. Disney shared there is no additional scenes planned to support the movie or the characters. 

The Jungle Cruise Restaurant 

Skipper Canteen, aka The Jungle Cruise Restaurant at Magic Kingdom Walt Disney World, is exotic. If you’re looking for more Jungle Cruise fun you can find it at the Skipper Canteen at Magic Kingdom. Skipper Canteen is a table service restaurant complete with interesting foods, an adventurer atmosphere, and more puns. Take your time browsing the trinkets and treasures stuffed in the rooms of this restaurant, and enjoy foods from your favorite explorers. If you’re up for adventurous eating read our Skipper Canteen Restaurant Review for everything you should know before you go!

Jingle Cruise | Christmas on the Jungle Cruise

In 2013, Walt Disney World and Disneyland introduced a holiday overlay for the Jungle Cruise ride. Complete with holiday decorations along the amazon and happy holiday head hunters, this is the only reason we sometimes agree to battle the Disney Crowds at Christmas. Disneyland’s last year for Jingle Cruise was in 2016, but we’re hoping it will return in the future. Here are all our best Jingle Cruise pics, the merchandise you’ll need for the holidays.

Jingle Cruise arrives in Magic Kingdom every year just in time for the holidays. One of our absolute favorite holiday attractions, the Jingle Cruise is a fun boat ride into the holiday season.  In addition to the punny holiday jokes about visiting the in-laws, fake boyfriends at holiday get-togethers, and delayed flights, you also get loads of decorations, which is technically Christmas Cargo in disguise! Here is what you can find at Jingle Cruise in Walt Disney World for the holidays.

• Inspiration Falls. On the outskirts of the nearby village, various Christmas crates have dropped in for this holiday gathering.
• Gorilla Camp. This trashed camp finds our Gorilla troupe loving all their new Christmas gifts. Complete with a Santa Claus coat for the taking.
• Trapped Safari Pole. And of course, our rhinos can’t be left out of the action. On this newly billed “North Pole” our explorers and rhinos find themselves surrounded by Christmas Gifts, scattered around the base.
• Sunken Cambodian Temple. As you sail into the Sunken Cambodian Temple take a look at the Christmas Cargo just delivered to “Santa’s Workshop”. You’ll notice candy canes, Elf costumes, gift boxes, wrapping, and ribbon all over the place as the wildlife get ready for the holiday season.

Jingle Cruise Merchandise from Polka Dot Pixie Shop

If you’re looking for Jingle Cruise shirts, look no further than our shop. We love these designs and just seem to keep making more! You can grab our Original holiday shirt featuring a rambunctious hippo in our Jingle Cruise Hippo Collection . Or if mayhem is more your style, we caught a rogue elephant messing with some gifts from a cruise that’s gone off course in our Jingle Cruise Elephant Collection . And our latest tee to arrive is a Jingle Cruise Giraffe with a sweet tooth. We can’t get enough of the holidays in general, so add a little Disney to it, and we’re there! Check out all our Disney Christmas Shirts in the shop. 

Jungle Cruise Jokes, Merchandise, Holidays the Movie, and More!

Hopefully this roundup of all things Jungle Cruise has you excited for your next Disney trip, the Movie, or even your next meal at Skipper Canteen. Be sure to brush up on your puns and make new ones of your own! Your Jungle Cruise Skipper will thank you for it. 🙂

Rochelle Mariah

Rochelle Mariah is a writer, designer and photographer with an MLIS in Information Science and a B.S. in Arch and Design. Determined to make Planning a DIY Disney Vacation easier she makes lots of lists and drinks lots of coffee. When not designing apparel at Polka Dot Pixie Shop, she's watching old movies and planning the holidays. She has been traveling to Disney destinations since 2010.

• Rochelle Mariah https://www.polkadotsandpixiedust.com/author/rochellemariah/ What Makes the Hollywood Brown Derby Lounge Special?
• Rochelle Mariah https://www.polkadotsandpixiedust.com/author/rochellemariah/ Summer House on the Lake Disney Springs Restaurant Review
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Jungle Cruise: Frank's Best Dad Jokes - and Why He Uses Them

Dwayne Johnson's Frank deploys a series of dad jokes at the beginning of Jungle Cruise in a clear call-out to the ride that inspired the film.

WARNING: The following contains spoilers for Jungle Cruise , now available in theaters and on Disney+ Premier Access.

Disney is no stranger to silly wordplay, with many of their films finding ways to insert some form of banter or snark into their characters. The protagonists of Marvel, Star Wars and Disney films often have a sly tongue and a clever wit, and that affection for jokes is front and center in  Jungle Cruise .

Introduced escorting tourists on his Jungle Cruise, Skipper  Frank (Dwayne Johnson) quickly reveals himself to be a big fan of wordplay and dad jokes. Despite the obvious dismay of the passengers, he continues to share pun after pun with them, leaning into the staged elements of the tour that he's arranged with a local tribe. Frank tells a number of such gags in quick succession, such as "you'll see toucans playing their favorite game of beak wrestling. The only drawback is only two-can play," "look at those elephants bathing over there. You know, you may think that’s water coming out of their trunks but it’s snot," and "before this job, I worked in an orange juice factory. Got canned, couldn't concentrate. They put the squeeze on me, too."

RELATED:  Disney Bundle's The Streamer Begins Livestream With A Stream Of Water

As with any fan of dad jokes, the groans of the passengers as he makes the gags only seem to encourage Frank to indulge even more in his habit. This is actually very in keeping with the spirit of the Disney Parks ride that inspired the film. First launched in Disneyland in 1955 and recently renovated , the Jungle Cruise attraction is a slow and leisurely ride in a small boat through the various jungles of the world. The Boat Captain reads from a defined script that leans heavily into similar word-play. In fact, many of Frank's jokes are lifted directly from the ride, including the orange juice factory and the toucans.

Frank even replicates the fan-favorite "eighth wonder of the world: the back-side of water" gag. It plays into his overall con of the Jungle Cruise, with many of the little beats and tricks of the tour matching props from the original ride -- including a false hippo that bursts out of the water to try and scare people. In short, it's an extended homage to the ride that also establishes Frank's basic character and his surprisingly light but artificial attitude. It also sets up the film's sense of light-hearted fun even when dealing with cursed conquistadors and ruthless enemies.

RELATED:  Is Disney's Jungle Cruise Kid-Friendly? How Scary Does It Get?

The original attraction largely lacks a narrative through line , primarily being a pleasant ride full of little gags. Since  Jungle Cruise  can't get by just on those elements, it instead largely focuses on Frank's journey into the jungle alongside the explorers, Lily ( Emily Blunt ) and her brother MacGregor (Jack Whitehall). But the wordplay and light tone established in those early minutes with Frank continues throughout, and it serves as a quiet tease of how much of Frank's tactics -- and history -- are fabricated for the appearance of it. But by allowing him to basically recreate the popular ride's aesthetic for a short period, Frank is able to imbue Jungle Cruise  with a strong connection to its original inspiration while also just having fun with some silly jokes.

To catch all of Frank's puns, see Jungle Cruise in theaters or on Disney+ Premier Access.

KEEP READING:  Jungle Cruise's Charm & Sense Of Adventure Keeps The Film Afloat

Screen Rant

Jungle cruise: the 10 best quotes from the movie.

Jungle Cruise features the perfect balance of fun one-liners and more dramatic quotes.

"Do you really think my work is extraordinary," Frank asks Lily in Jungle Cruise , and the audience can absolutely say that it is as he leads them on an adventure through the Amazon to discover an immortal myth. Jungle Cruise is one of the rare movies inspired by a theme park attraction that absolutely works.

It toes the line between funny and dramatic with witty one-liners and plenty of banter that echoes the 1999 version of The Mummy . Some of the best lines in the film poke fun at the characters while others allow the audience to get to know them a little better.

MacGregor Provides The Opening Line

"all legends are born in truth.".

MacGregor Houghton, giving a speech at the Adventure Club that his sister isn't allowed to, opens the movie with a narration that spins a story of a magical cure-all. While his audience is skeptical, the movie audience knows that the speech is likely to be true.

RELATED: The Main Characters Of Jungle Cruise Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

As is the case with nearly any Disney movie that features an obscure legend or a story of magic, they always turn out to be true. It's part of the charm of the story to see the one person who believed rewarded in their faith. It's also, to a degree, true in the real world as well. Legends, fairy tales, and myths are all born from humans trying to explain something to a skeptical audience; they just feature more embellishment to entertain.

Frank Has Little Patience For His Boat's Audience

"don't interrupt me again or i'll feed you to the boa.".

When the audience sees Frank lead his first "jungle cruise" of the movie, he does it with a lot of cheesy puns about his surroundings. Those puns are borrowed directly from the Jungle Cruise theme park ride at Disney . His passengers audibly groan at the jokes, and one young girl repeatedly interrupts him and asks her mother to make it stop.

Frank jokingly tells her that another interruption will see her fed to the boa constrictor they're passing. While Frank is good-natured the entire trip, it's clear that he has little patience for the tourists that don't like his theatrics. He's just trying to entertain them while they travel and make a little extra money while doing it.

Frank Sees The Adventure As Too Dangerous

"you can't get there. nobody can. and if they could, they wouldn't.".

When Lily Houghton explains exactly what she's doing in the Amazon, Frank flatly refuses to take her on her search. That doesn't stop her from pressing, which leads to this particular quote about the dangers of the jungle and not even being able to get to the tree she's seeking out.

While the idea of the line is a trope present in plenty of adventure movies, it's also followed up by another trope - agreeing to the mission for the money. Frank eventually realizes that Lily is the real deal because she has the missing arrowhead, but the line deliveries as the two debate the trip are what truly make this line memorable. Dwayne Johnson has a rapid-fire rhythm to his words that makes it even more entertaining.

Lily Admits Frank Is Good At His Job

"you are a lot of things that i don't really care for, but you are... capable.".

Despite the friction between Lily and Frank after she learns he's been lying to her, she is willing to admit that he knows what he's doing. His boat might be a bit run down, and he might be more than willing to con a few people out of extra money, but Frank can handle himself on the river - and against a jaguar.

RELATED: 10 Disney Attractions Other Than Jungle Cruise That Would Make Great Movies

Of course, the fight with the jaguar that convinces Lily he'll be a better option than Nilo is all a set-up, but she doesn't know that yet. Even her hesitation before saying, "capable," demonstrates that she still isn't sure about taking the trip with Frank, but she's going to do it anyway.

Lily Has A Great Capacity For Empathy

"i don't have to know someone to care.".

Lily's search is all about the medical breakthroughs that will come from the magical petals of a tree that can heal all. Her search isn't because she knows someone who is sick or because she wants the power for herself. It's all because she wants to do some good in the world.

Frank refutes that because he claims he doesn't care about anyone, that he doesn't have anyone in his life that warrants that anymore. Lily, however, doesn't believe she needs someone specific in mind to care about humanity. Her empathy is part of what makes her one of Jungle Cruise's best characters .

Frank Appreciates Lily's Admiration

"do you really think my work is extraordinary".

Early in the movie, Frank and Lily have a discussion about drawing in which he admits he hasn't drawn anything in a long time because there's nothing left for him to draw. She thinks he needs a little inspiration, but discovers later that he's the cartographer who actually drew the map she's been using on her quest.

Once that's been revealed to her, Frank is able to voice a question he's likely had since she first showed him the map and complimented it to him. He's clearly been surprised and flattered by the praise. While the two have been at odds for most of the movie by that point, his question demonstrates that he does value her opinion, even if he pretends he doesn't. They are two of the smartest characters in Jungle Cruise , and have a definite respect for one another's knowledge, though their banter would otherwise hide that.

Frank Is Tired

"everything new that you see in this world, i've seen hundreds of thousands of times.".

Lily has a definite zest for life. Certain things, like swimming, might terrify her, but she's excited about everything else new in her path. She loves adventure and discovery, and her trip to the Amazon provides her with both.

RELATED: 10 Best Movies Like Disney's Jungle Cruise

While her excitement could be contagious, Frank points out to her that everything new to her is very, very old to him. Living for over 400 years can do that to someone. He's fully prepared to say good-bye to the world that he thinks doesn't have anything new to offer him, but it turns out, he might be wrong.

Frank Is Also Pragmatic

"i got tired of being stabbed, so... i trapped them in a cave.".

Frank is seen as the betrayer by his former allies. The truth is, he was just more noble than them, unwilling to kill to find a cure, and that conflict trapped him for decades once they were all cursed.

Frank grew tired of that conflict, which is understandable. As someone who couldn't truly die, but had to stay in the same place, the group of cursed former allies were bound to run into one another over and over. Since the others couldn't let the conflict go and kept coming after him with various weapons, Frank took matters into his own hands, trapping them in the jungle. It's a horrible way for them to spend hundreds of years, but it brought Frank a small amount of peace.

Lily Echoes Frank's Idea Of Love

"it could be that one person is world enough.".

Despite all of their picking on one another, Lily and Frank grow to truly care for one another over the course of their adventure. When Frank tells Lily about his desire to finally "rest," as he's tired of the world offering him nothing new, Lily echoes a sentiment he gives earlier in the movie.

Though she doesn't outright tell him that she wants him to stay with her, she may as well have. Variations of the line get repeated multiple times by both characters as they gradually come to terms with their feelings for one another. The two of them ending up in England together even sets up the potential for more adventures in a Jungle Cruise sequel .

MacGregor Speaks On Lily's Behalf

"gentlemen, you can take your invitation, and you can shove it up your association.".

MacGregor's closing speech of the movie echoes his at the start of the movie, only this time, his points aren't theoretical and from Lily's original paper. They detail the siblings' experience on the Amazon first-hand.

It's also clear that the society has learned of at least some of what the Houghtons report are true as MacGregor has an invitation for them to join. His rejection of that invitation is perfect, showing that he's more confident after his adventure, and still going to stand by his sister through everything.

NEXT: Which Jungle Cruise Character Are You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?

A Collection of the Best Jungle Cruise Movie Quotes & Puns

By: Author Tessa Smith

Posted on Last updated: July 31, 2021

The Jungle Cruise ride at Walt Disney World is full of hilarious (and eye-rolling) puns, so of course the movie has some great quotes! Here are the best ones.

Jungle Cruise Quotes

The Jungle Cruise ride at Walt Disney World is well known for the puns that the skippers rattle off as you embark on your journey — so it should come as no surprise that the movie based off of this ride, aptly named Jungle Cruise, is filled with some pretty fantastic eye-rolling quotes. 

No names are attached to these quotes in hopes to remain somewhat spoiler free, however, the further down the list you go, the more spoilery the Jungle Cruise quotes could get, so be warned. 

“All legends are born in truth.”

“i have come here today to request access to your exclusive archives including an ancient arrowhead recently recovered from the lost expedition of dr. albert falls.”, “breaking and entering, grand larceny, and worst of all – forced to take public transport.”, “all we need is a skipper.”, “first of all, let me congratulate you on your choice of skipper. of all the jungle cruises you could take in the amazon, this one is undoubtedly the cheapest. but also the most thrilling.”, “if you look to the left of the boat, you’ll see some very playful toucans. they’re playing their favorite game of beak-wrestling. the only drawback is only two can play.”, “the rocks you see here in the river are sandstone, but some people just take them for granite. it’s one of my boulder attractions.”, “before this i used to work in an orange juice factory. but i got canned. couldn’t concentrate.”, “you know they say the boa constrictor right there is capable of eating up to 500 pounds per sitting. personally i find that very hard to swallow.”.

“Hands in the boat. Know this about the jungle. Everything wants to kill you, and can.”

“this is the highlight of the tour. it’s my favorite part of the jungle. ladies and gentleman get ready for the eight wonder of the world. the backside of water”, “that means get off my boat. i’m only serious.”, “let’s not start a fight with a monkey vendor.”, “what do you want my boat for you have nice boats.”, “i have an idea. please go away.”, “oh but i do, and i will.”, “i’m not here for a vacation.”.

“Dead’s a lot harder, lady.”

“i suppose it’s only a scam if you fall for it.”, “warm, liquid fear.”, “i think a little bit more fear just came out.”, “dinner without a dinner jacket is hardly dinner.”, “the price just went up.”, “nobody touches my engine but me.”, “who brings a submarine to the amazon”, “if you believe in legends, you should believe in curses too.”, “i had a girlfriend once. she was cross-eyed. it didn’t work out. we could never see eye to eye.”, “i’m also quite sure she was seeing somebody on the side.”.

“You are deeply unpleasant.”

“you’re the worst cat i’ve ever had.”, “my interests happily lie elsewhere.”, “we’re headed into headhunter territory. which is a terrible place to be headed.”, “i can’t turn it off.”, “trader sam makes a trade.”, “i wouldn’t trust you as far as i can throw you, which clearly isn’t very far because you are huge.”.

Enjoyed these Jungle Cruise quotes? Be sure to check out my other quotes collections  from your favorite movies and TV shows!

About Disney’s Jungle Cruise

Join fan favorites Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt for the adventure of a lifetime on Disney’s “Jungle Cruise,” a rollicking thrill-ride down the Amazon with wisecracking skipper Frank Wolff and intrepid researcher Dr. Lily Houghton. Lily travels from London, England to the Amazon jungle and enlists Frank’s questionable services to guide her downriver on La Quila – his ramshackle-but-charming boat. Lily is determined to uncover an ancient tree with unparalleled healing abilities – possessing the power to change the future of medicine. Thrust on this epic quest together, the unlikely duo encounters innumerable dangers and supernatural forces, all lurking in the deceptive beauty of the lush rainforest. But as the secrets of the lost tree unfold, the stakes reach even higher for Lily and Frank and their fate—and mankind’s—hangs in the balance.

Jaume Collet-Serra directs the film, which stars Dwayne Johnson, Emily Blunt, Edgar Ramírez and Jack Whitehall, with Jesse Plemons, and Paul Giamatti. John Davis, John Fox, Dwayne Johnson, Hiram Garcia, Dany Garcia and Beau Flynn are the producers, with Scott Sheldon and Doug Merrifield serving as executive producers. The story is by John Norville & Josh Goldstein and Glenn Ficarra & John Requa, and the screenplay is by Michael Green and Glenn Ficarra & John Requa.

Disney’s “Jungle Cruise” releases in theaters and on Disney+ with Premier Access on July 30, 2021.

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Tessa Smith is a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer-approved Film and TV Critic. She is also a Freelance Writer. Tessa has been in the Entertainment writing business for ten years and is a member of several Critics Associations including the Critics Choice Association and the Greater Western New York Film Critics Association.

25 Jungle Cruise Quotes Packed With Puns, Fun, and Adventure

Check these 25 Jungle Cruise quotes that will quench your thirst for an adventure packed with jokes and unforgettable memories!

Jungle Cruise is a Disney movie starring Emily Blunt and Dwayne Johnson. Interestingly, the storyline was based on a Disney park ride.

The movie tackles the adventure of Frank Wolff and Lily Houghton, who venture off from a Brazilian port town into the depths of the Amazon. As a doctor, Lily’s primary goal is to find the legendary tree that’s said to have extraordinary healing abilities. 

The two are an unlikely pair, but they continue with their quest. However, the Amazon rainforest is full of dangers that no one can fathom. So, they must learn how to work together to succeed in their mission and, ultimately, to survive.

Read through our list if you want to join Frank and Lily in their adventure! We’re sure you’ll enjoy this list of the best Jungle Cruise quotes!

And don’t forget to check out these Jumanji quotes and Cast Away quotes .

Best Jungle Cruise Quotes

1. “You can’t get there. Nobody can. And if they could, they wouldn’t.” – Frank Wolff

2. “Everything new that you see in this world, I’ve seen hundreds of thousands of times.” – Frank Wolff

3. “All legends are born in truth. From the Amazon came the legend of the Tears of the Moon. A single petal from the Great Tree could cure away any illness and break any curse.” – MacGregor Houghton

4. “It could be that one person is world enough.” – Dr. Lily Houghton

5. “You are a lot of things that I don’t really care for, but you are capable.” – Dr. Lily Houghton

6. “Don’t interrupt me again, or I’ll feed you to the boa.” – Frank Wolff

7. “Hands in the boat. Know this about the jungle: everything that you see wants to kill you. And can.” – Frank Wolff

8. “I don’t have to know someone to care.” – Dr. Lily Houghton

9. “If you’re lucky enough to have one person in this world to care about, then that’s more than enough for me.” – Frank Wolff

10. “Gentlemen, you can take your invitation, and you can shove it up your association.” – MacGregor Houghton

Memorable Jungle Cruise Quotes That Won’t Escape Your Thoughts

11. “Remember, it’s only a scam if you fall for it.” – Frank Wolff

12. “If you believe in legends, you should believe in curses too.” – Frank Wolff

13. “I get paid by the number of people I take out, not by the number of people I bring back.” – Frank Wolff

14. “The rocks you see in the river are sandstone, but some people just take them for granite. It’s one of my boulder attractions.” – Frank Wolff

15. “First of all, let me congratulate you on your excellent choice of skipper. Of all the jungle cruises you could take in the Amazon, this one is undoubtedly the cheapest. But also the most thrilling.” – Frank Wolff

Jungle Cruise Quotes to Feel All the Action

16. “Do you really think my work is extraordinary?” – Frank Wolff

17. Frank Wolff: “Where were we?”

Boat Passenger: “About to die.”

18. “We’re headed into headhunter territory, which is a terrible place to beheaded.” – Frank Wolff

19. Dr. Lily Houghton: “Is there a single thing I can trust about you?”

Frank Wolff: “Not a thing.”

20. Frank Wolff: “Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the eighth Wonder of the World. Wait for it. The backside of water!”

Boat Passenger: “It looks just like the front side.”

Frank Wolff: “It’s completely different. It’s the eighth Wonder of the World—the backside of water.”

21. “What do you think, Muscles? Will you sacrifice your petal for her?” – Prince Joachim

More Jungle Cruise Quotes That Will Keep You Entertained

22. “If you look to the left, you’ll see toucans playing their favorite game of beak wrestling. The only drawback is—only two can play.” – Frank Wolff

23. “Before this job, I worked in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn’t concentrate.” – Frank Wolff

24. “Dead, I’d have to carry you. Dead’s a lot harder, lady.” – Frank Wolff

25. “I had a girlfriend. She was cross-eyed. We’d never see eye to eye. Also quite sure she was seeing someone—on the side.” – Frank Wolff

Which Jungle Cruise Quotes Taught You Meaningful Life Lessons?

Jungle Cruise is famous for its unforgettable puns. However, let’s not forget that it’s also a movie that teaches its viewers lessons on leadership and compassion. This can be seen primarily through our protagonists, Frank and Lily.

Frank says, “If you’re lucky enough to have one person in this world to care about, then that’s more than enough for me.” This is a profound line that we should all keep in mind. Imagine a world without someone to love; wouldn’t it be purposeless?

Lily also has inspiring quotes like, “I don’t have to know someone to care.” As a doctor, she doesn’t discriminate against anyone; anyone who needs help will get it from her. We are not all doctors in real life, but we should learn compassion and care from her.

Life is a give-and-take. And, as we’ve learned from Frank, live life with a purpose; move forward with the power of love. We all need someone to love and care for to give us the drive we need to wake up to another day; without them, what are we living for?

We hope these quotes were able to shift your perspective on life. Remember that Jungle Cruise is more than just about the jokes. It’s a movie with inspiring lessons, too!

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Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen , a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

You can find me on MuckRack and LinkedIn .

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Jungle Cruise is a fan favorite because of the puns and jokes that the skippers tell on the ride. Here are some of the great quotes, jokes, and puns that you’re sure to love from the movie.

These quotes could also be considered spoilers. You’ve been warned.

Don’t miss the nod to Dr. Albert Falls, the explorer that found the arrowhead during his expedition. He discovered the backside of water at Schweitzer Falls.

MacGregor – If I wanted to visit a primitive backwater where I can’t understand what anyone’s saying, I would visit our relatives in Scotland.

Skipper Frank – First of all, let me congratulate you on your excellent choice of Skipper. Of all the jungle cruises you could take in the Amazon, this is undoubtedly the cheapest.

If you look to the left of the boat, you’ll see some very playful toucans. They’re playing their favorite game of beak-wrestling. The only drawback is, only two can play.

The rocks you see here are in the river are sandstone. But some people just take them for granite. It’s one of my boulder attractions.

You know, before this, I used to work in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn’t concentrate. Yeah, they put the squeeze on me, too.

You know, they say the boa constrictor right there is capable of eating up to 500 pounds per sitting. Personally, I find that very hard to swallow.

This is the highlight of the tour. It’s my favorite part of the jungle. Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the eighth Wonder of the World. Wait for it… The backside of water!

All right, listen up, I get paid by the number I take out, not by the number of people I bring back. Hold on!

Well, folks, you were all outstanding today, now I need you all out, standing on the dock. That means, “Get off my boat.” I’m only serious.

Ma’am don’t forget to collect your baggage. I’m only kidding. He’s behind you.

Frank – Careful. They can smell fear.

Lily – I am not afraid.

MacGregor – Might be me. Warm, liquid fear. A little bit more fear just came out.

Lily – Oh no, “Frank owes me money,” we leave in ten minutes.

Lily- Oh, God sorry, Frank!

Frank – It’s all right. Strong form.

Frank – Hey MacGregor. Had a girlfriend once, she was cross-eyed. Didn’t work out. We could never see eye to eye. I’m also quite sure she was seeing somebody on the side.

Lily- Tell you what Skippy, After this day, I could really do with that luxurious bath of yours. Is it, um, down there?

Frank – No, there’s no bath down there, Pants.

Lily- What?

Frank – No, the bath is out there. That’s the bath. 4,300 miles of luxurious bath. I also warmed it a little bit for you earlier. Oh, and I know you can’t swim, so if you happen to drown out there, go ahead and, uh, use the soap to wash yourself ashore.

Frank – Looks like you wet your pants, Pants.

Lily – That was a wave.

Frank – You should give up.

Lily – You should give up the guitar.

Frank – We’re headed into headhunter territory, which is a terrible place to be headed.

Lily – Oh, Frank, come one. Not now.

Frank – I can’t turn it off.

MacGragor – My sister, who just made full professor at Cambridge, has asked me to respectfully reject your invitation of membership on her behalf. Which I will do. Just not respectfully. Gentleman, you can take your invitation and you can shove it up your association.

Lily – Are you ready for your first driving lesson?

Frank – I think so, Pants.

Lily – I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into here, Frank.

Frank – A car.

Lily – Oh, your jokes. They will be the death of me. They are absolutely exhausting.

Frank – Wow, Lily.

Lily – Did you like it?

Frank – It was good! Yeah!

Lily -Are you proud of me?

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[…] Jungle Cruise Puns and Quotes Sure to Make You Laugh […]

Im no native english speaker. It seems noone in the www can explain the last pun about “exhausting”. Ok a car has an exhaust system but thats no pun. Or is that the point that she isn´t capable and he ist too polite to say so?

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100+ Hilarious Jungle Cruise Jokes to Keep Your Expedition Rolling

Jungle Cruise, one of the iconic attractions at Disney theme parks, is known for its witty and pun-filled commentary. The jokes told by the skippers on the Jungle Cruise are an integral part of the experience, adding humor and entertainment to the scenic river journey. From clever wordplay to hilarious one-liners, Jungle Cruise jokes have become legendary among Disney fans. In this blog, we will explore some of the best Jungle Cruise jokes that will make you laugh out loud and appreciate the comedic talent of the skippers. So get ready for a wild and pun-tastic adventure!

Jungle Cruise Jokes One-Liners: Riding the Rapids of Humor ( Editors Pick) 

1. Why is red so similar to wandering in the woods? This is a real “monkey adventure”!

2. What does the elephant say about sailing through the jungle? This is amazing”!

3. Why don’t the lions play cards on the Jungle Tour? More cheetahs!

4. What did the jungle tourist say to the snake? “The next view is amazing!” It has a good “crust”!

5. Why do explorers carry ladders on their forest journeys? “Climb the Word” with high expectations!

6. Which are your favorite pirates on Jungle Cruise? A “treasure trove” of jokes!

7. Why do parrots refuse to fly on a forest trip? He’s afraid of “improvising”!

8. What does the Crocodile say to Jungle Cruise tourists? “Hello, crocodile!”

9. Why do adventurers carry maps when boating through the jungle? “Travel” with laughter!

10. Why doesn’t the tiger listen to the forest walk? It has “roaring” shock absorbers!

11. What is your favorite day of the week for Jungle Cruise Tour Guides? “Happy Monday”!

12. Why are tourists in the forest happy? He has a “wild” sense of humor!

13. What do you call a lazy person who goes on vacation? A traveler is “napping”!

14. Why do giraffes go on a forest trip? It’s so much fun to “hook up”!

15. What does Jaguar say about Jungle Patrol? This is the “just right” adventure!

16. Why don’t monkeys go on forest walks? They love to “hang out” in the trees!

17. What do you call a tourist who lies? “Pun” traveler!

18. Why do snakes walk in the forest? She wants to “sizzle” while doing it! What is today’s hippo on Jungle Cruise? A “water traveler”!

19. Why do explorers carry cameras on forest journeys? Enjoy the “wild” fun time!

20. Why do koalas like to go boating in the forest? This is the perfect eucalyptus for laughter!

Disney Cruise Jokes : Navigating the Wild Waters of Wit

1. Why Is Jungle Trip Not the Favorite of Pirates? Imagine that what they were worried about was “hitting a rock” while laughing!

2. What do you say when a tourist lies? Real “punishment” march!

3. Why are snakes acting as tour guides on forest trips like this? He has a talent for spouting the greatest puns!

4. Why do explorers carry maps when sailing through the jungle? Find your way through every “Jungle” pun and joke!

5. Why don’t elephants listen to Jungle Cruise? Because they are in a state of “body control”!

6. When is the time for a smart forest trip? “Humerus” walk!

7. Why don’t lions like forest trips? Because they want the “happy” rock instead of the “pun” rock!

8. Why do adventurers bring cameras for jungle safaris? Record every moment of “crazy” fun!

9. Why do the snakes on the Jungle Cruise never disappear? Because they always know the “south” direction!

10. What do you call a tourist who doesn’t make jokes in the forest? Funny “puns”

11. What attracts koalas to boating in the jungle? Think of it as a “eucalyptus” ideal for laughter!

12. Disneyland where are your favorite pirates? Adventure Travel because it’s fun and “adventure”!

13. Why do adventurers carry backpacks full of jokes through the jungle? Non-stop fun is guaranteed!

14.  Why are explorers always well prepared to sail through the jungle? His “box” is full of jokes!

15. What do tourists walking in the forest say to the trees? “Work, where are we going!”

Jungle Cruise Dad Jokes: Sailing Smoothly into Silly Territory

1. How did the Parrot react when asked about the Jungle Trip? “Polly needs a fun pun!” “Time” is how long it takes before everyone starts laughing!

2. Why don’t gorillas get bored on a Jungle Trip? I think they’re laughing all the time!

3. Which forest animal do pirates like the most? A “happy” crocodile of course!

4. Why do people always find Jungle Tour Guides so popular? Because he’s so good at “playing tricks” with words!

5. Why do explorers book jungle trips? Every “roar” pun should be saved for later use!

6. What do explorers think about sailing through the jungle? This trip across the country was *so* fun!

7. Why should tourists carry a map? Make sure they never get “lost” in the sea of ​​laughter!

8. Why do jungle adventurers carry flashlights? Add “sparkle” to every clever joke!

9. Jungle Cruise made the crocodile laugh, but why? Because it’s full of puns and “long”!

10. Why do explorers wear life jackets when boating in the jungle? If they laugh too much they will fall off the boat!

11. Which are your favorite pirates on Jungle Cruise? “Aha” moment!

12. Why don’t rhinos go on jungle journeys? They have a “horny” inner compass!

13..Why not a forest trip? More “hissing” twists and turns!

14. What is the Jungle Cruise Tour Guide’s favorite? Hat “pun”!

15. Why is the lion so happy sailing through the forest? Sounds like a “roaring” good time!

River Cruise Jokes : Exploring the Jungle of Censored Chuckles

1. Why do monkeys carry ladders on their forest journeys? I’m going crazy to see it!

 2. What do you call a crocodile wearing a tuxedo on a jungle trip? detective! 

3. Why did the elephants carry the box on the forest trip? He felt like it was a friend’s body!

4. How do you know when you have reached the end of your jungle journey? When you’re done with your word games!

5. What did the lion say to his friend after taking a boat tour in the forest? “I appreciate the mane!”

6. Why do snakes refuse to go boating in the forest? He doesn’t want to get in trouble! 

7. What do you call the group of hippos on the Jungle Cruise? joy!

8. Why does the bird sit at the front of the ship on the Jungle Cruise? He wants to be a smart person!

9. What do you call a fun tour guide in the forest? Guide for word games!

10. Why do the monkeys on the Jungle Cruise carry notebooks? List all “monkeys”

11. Why are hippos useful in jungle journeys? Because they love the “water” of laughter

12. Why do explorers carry flutes while sailing through the jungle? Show off all the word games you can think of!

13. How to catch a squirrel in the forest? Climb the tree and act crazy!

14.  Why do explorers take time to stop on jungle expeditions? “Time” all laugh!

Jungle Cruise Jokes Cross Eyed: Seeing Double the Laughs on Your Adventure

1. “I asked the jungle tour guide why his eyes were always squinting. He said it was because he was always looking for wildlife from us. I guess we can say he’s always on the lookout!”

2. “​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​’Forest Trip’ Apparently the tourist on board was blind and once mistook a tree branch for a snake and nearly jumped out of his seat! It’s easy to scare. In the woods? Captain Cross? 

3. -Did your eyes open while walking through the woods? Bring a compass and mirror! 

4. What do you call the person who looks at the opposite side of the forest? Disaster for tourists!

5.  Why does Captain Squint wear sunglasses on his jungle trip? See twice as much wildlife! 

6. What was your favorite part of Captain Squint’s Jungle Journey? A place where they can come into contact with all animals!

7. Why did the cross-eyed leader become the leader of the forest? Because he thought it was a good way to increase depth.

Recommended: Amazon Rainforest Jokes

Jungle Cruise Jokes From The Ride: Riding the Waves of Humor Along the River

1. Why do monkeys love crocodiles? Because she considers herself a real dresser!

 2. What do you call a group of lions playing in the forest? Pride! 

3. Why don’t elephants use computers in the forest? They are afraid to click

 4. How do you know if a snake is a good dancer? It has an amazing performance! 

5. What is the name of the gorilla who likes to tell jokes? Monkey comedian indeed!

6. Why does a zebra go to the forest to go to school? He wants to learn his lines!

 7. How do monkeys in the forest live together? They sent banana letters

 8. Leopard’s favorite music? Hip-hop because they like to attack to beat! 

9. Why do monkeys like to play with elephants? Because their bodies are always full of jokes!

10.  What do you call a group of lions playing poker? Very happy!

11. Why do hippos never fall into the forest? Because they always know the way back to shore!

12. How do you know if a snake is a good dancer? It has an amazing performance!

13. What do you call laziness? Shut your mouth! 

14.  Why do zebras go to school? Learn his lines! 

15. What is the pirates’ favorite forest animal? Ahhh-angutans!

Funny Jungle Cruise Jokes: Laughing Through the Jungle Canopy

1. Why do elephants carry boxes on a forest trip? Because he needs to pack his bags! 

2. What is the name of the eared gorilla? No matter what you think, he can’t hear you over the noise in the forest! 

3. Why does the tiger sit in the middle of the ship during the jungle trip? He wants to be the “center” of attention! 

4. How can monkeys stay safe on a jungle trip? They always bring banana escort! 

5. What did the snake say when it got lost in the forest? “I’m totally hooked!”

6. Why do hippos never fall into the forest? Because they always know how to get back to their favorite bar on the Jungle Cruise!

7. What is the director’s favorite song in Jungle Cruise? Rock’n’roll, of course; these rocks are everywhere!

8. Why do elephants carry boxes on a forest trip? Because he needs to pack his bags!

9. What is the name of the eared gorilla? No matter what you think, he can’t hear your voice at the waterfall!

10.  Why do hippos never fall into the forest? Because they always know the way to the river!

11.  How do you know if a snake is a good dancer? She has beautiful hips like a rattlesnake!

12. Why does the tiger stand on the clock during the boat ride through the jungle? He wants to eat his next meal on time! 

13.  What do you call a group of monkeys playing cards in the forest? A bucket of red, of course!

14.  Why does the crocodile wear sunglasses in Jungle Cruise? Look cool while sunbathing, of course!

15.  What’s your favorite part of the Pirates’ Jungle Cruise? Treasure map, are you ready for adventure?

As we wrap up our wild and whimsical journey through the jungle of jokes, we hope you’ve experienced the untamed hilarity that awaits on every twist and turn of the Jungle Cruise. Just like the dense foliage hides surprises at every corner, the world of Jungle Cruise jokes is teeming with laughter and entertainment.

So, the next time you embark on an adventure, whether it’s through the lush greenery of a jungle or the winding rivers of a theme park, remember to keep your sense of humor close at hand. Because in the jungle of life, a hearty laugh is the ultimate treasure waiting to be discovered. So, let’s set sail once more, knowing that the jungle of jokes is always ready to welcome us with open arms and infectious laughter.

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Disney Parks Presents: Jungle Cruise

• 4.3 • 3 Ratings

Publisher Description

Enjoy the pun-omenal jokes written by the Walt Disney Imagineers and the Jungle Cruise skippers from the world-famous Jungle Cruise attraction. Guests board a boat and travel with a witty and experienced skipper to exotic rivers of the world, and leave smiling with memories of their vibrant voyage. In this book, Erwin Madrid's original illustrations accompany the jokes of the classic attraction, and together they steer readers deeper and deeper into lush lands filled with adventures, animals, and laughs. Follow along with word-for-word narration and relive the rollicking journey, or experience the magic for the very first time as you read.

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All The Jungle Cruise Easter Eggs & Puns You May Have Missed

July 30, 2021 By Ashley Leave a Comment

Pirates of the Caribbean meets Indiana Jones meets The Mummy in Disney's all new Jungle Cruise . This thrilling, action adventure joyride is packed with wit, charm, and plenty of well-placed puns worthy of the ride itself. And yes that means plenty of nods to the attraction including the 8th wonder of the world. Here are all the Jungle Cruise Easter eggs and puns you may have missed.

Spoilers ahead if you haven't see Jungle Cruise .

Jungle Cruise Easter Eggs & Puns

Dr. Lily Houghton is after a sacred arrowhead that an expedition led by Albert Falls  managed to recover. On the ride, guests are told that Schweitzer Falls is named after Dr. Albert Falls. Skipper Canteen , which is a Jungle Cruise themed restaurant at Walt Disney World, confirmed that Dr. Albert Falls founded the Jungle Navigation Company with his granddaughter Alberta eventually taking it over.

Skipper Frank Wolff makes several puns throughout the river cruise. The first that out of all the cruises they could've booked, this one is the cheapest . Two toucans are playing in a tree. But only two can play. He also references the rock pun taking it for granite , as it is a boulder attraction . 

The guests are told to keep hands inside the boat , a nod to the safety spiel given at the beginning of each ride.

Several fake animals are spotted during the cruise including a Hippo and Boa Constrictor. There is also an “attack” by natives . They are clearly actors working for Frank. 

RELATED: Jungle Cruise Movie Review: Adventure, Charm, and Puns Equal Epic Fun  

The 8th Wonder of The World, The Backside of Water!

David Lengel who played Phil Jones in WandaVision is one of the guests on the boat.

When they get back to the dock Frank tells another pun as the guests disembark, as they should be outstanding on the dock . 

Back in the town, Frank loses his engine to Nilo, a man he owes money too. Nilo's bird is none other than Rosita , the missing bird from the Enchanted Tiki Room. Rosita was one of the showgirl birds in the Tiki room who eventually left for her own gains. She can be seen at the Tropical Hideaway restaurant, and is visible from the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland. 

Nilo's last name Nemolato is from the concept artist Luca Nemolato who worked on Jungle Cruise and Dwayne Johnson's upcoming Black Adam amongst other projects. 

Lily's blouse, coat and map can be found in the queue at Disneyland's Jungle Cruise . Her coat along with Frank's is seen in the office of Alberta Falls. The map is framed in the Jungle Navigation Company boathouse. Her map also appears in an office inside the queue at Walt Disney World's Jungle Cruise .

As Frank, Lily, and MacGregor make their way down the Amazon, they encounter piranha. At one point they enter  headhunter territory . And that isn't a place you want to be headed . Another classic ride pun. 

They are captured by a group of people who end up being led by Trader Sam and are friends of Frank's whom he hired to scare away the Houghtons. On the ride, Trader Sam is the head salesman of the jungle.  He is also seen wearing a top hat . In the film, Veronica Falcón's Sam, gets the hat from Lily in exchange for translating what the arrowhead says. 

Her tribe, while attempting to scare Lily and MacGregor run through all the “scary” things they do on the ride. Pounding sticks on the ground and beating drums . 

In order to locate the Tears of the Moon tree, they must sail into a temple . The temple resembles that of the one you enter during the ride.

Frank's business is called the Jungle Navigation Company , which is the name of the fictional company that owns the ride at the parks.

The Jungle Cruise is now in theaters and on Disney+ Premiere Access . 

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The Story Behind How Disneyland's Serious Jungle Cruise Ride Became Filled With Puns

Disneyland's Jungle Cruise is known for its corny jokes, but the opening day attraction was once a very different ride.

Disneyland ’s Jungle Cruise is one of its most iconic attractions. It was there on that July day in 1955 when the park opened , and it’s still there today. Many might be of the opinion that barring the occasional refurbishment and update the Jungle Cruise has received , the ride is largely the same as it was when it first opened, but that’s not actually true. While the basic concept, of floating down the exotic rivers of the world has remained unchanged, the tone of the Jungle Cruise is very different now than it was at the beginning.

Today, people know Jungle Cruise as the funny ride where Cast Member Skippers fire puns and one-liners off at guests one after the other. They might not all be winners, some are groan-worthy, but jokes and the Jungle Cruise have been inseparable for decades. That said, they weren’t always part of the ride. The Jungle Cruise was originally presented as a serious ride with the presentation closer to that of a documentary than a Disney cartoon.

Disneyland’s True Life Adventureland 

Jungle Cruise is often celebrated by fans, alongside the Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean , as one of the most popular Disneyland rides that have a story and concept that are entirely original, not based on a Disney movie. But in the case of Jungle Cruise, that’s not entirely accurate, as there is a Disney movie, in fact, an entire series of Disney movies, that inspired Jungle Cruise and all of Adventureland.

While lesser known today, one of Walt Disney ’s first forays into live-action filmmaking was through a series of short and long-form documentary films known as the True Life Adventures. These films combine wildlife photography with some sort of fictionalized story that allowed Disney to bring his unique form of storytelling to the natural world. These were incredibly successful, netting Walt Disney nearly half of the 26 Oscars he won in his life. 

This was where the entire concept behind Disneyland’s Adventureland was born, and it was what Jungle Cruise was supposed to recreate. Walt originally wanted the Jungle Cruise to be full of actual animals, not animatronics, before it was determined that animal sleep schedules and general welfare would not be conducive to the confines of an attraction (Disney would need the massive scale of Walt Disney World in order to create Disney’s Animal Kingdom and make this particular dream of Walt’s come true.)

So while the animals would not be real, the presentation was originally designed to be just that. Skippers were originally designed to educate the riders as much as to entertain them. There was the occasional joke and the presentation wasn’t entirely stiff, but humor wasn’t the focus.

Imagineer Marc Davis Brings Humor To The Jungle Cruise 

The Jungle Cruise was a big hit when the park opened in 1955. For a theme park that wouldn’t open a roller coaster for four years, it was the E-ticket attraction before the park actually had E-ticket attractions. However, the story goes that Walt Disney overheard guests saying that they had no interest in re-riding Jungle Cruise because they’d done it before. The attraction would see incremental improvements throughout the 1950s, but it was a major overhaul in the early 1960s that had the most to do with the Jungle Cruise becoming the attraction it is today.

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Marc Davis would be the man put in charge of designing the overhaul, and with it, we would see the first scenes of a distinctly comedic bent on Jungle Cruise. Walt reportedly wanted to add humor to the ride, which is specifically why Davis was chosen.

Davis was part of the Imagineering team that had been working on the nearby New Orleans Square attractions around the same period. Davis is credited as being one of the key people behind the decision to add humor to the Haunted Mansion , and he also designed several of the more lighthearted moments in Pirates of the Caribbean.

A new scene showing elephants in a bathing pool would be added in 1962. A sequence where a rhinoceros has chased several people up a tree would follow in 1963. These added a much-needed bit of humor, in Davis’ opinion, to the Jungle Cruise.  

There was never a moment when the Jungle Cruise narration transitioned overnight from serious to funny. That change appears to have happened gradually over time, seemingly due to the Cast Members themselves changing up the spiel. Having said that, the fact that the Jungle Cruise narration needed to be more humorous due to the funnier parts of the ride certainly appears to have influenced the Skippers into fashioning more jokes.

The Modern Jungle Cruise

Jungle Cruise Cast Members aren't generally seen as "performers" in the way that those singing and dancing on stage are, but for a few minutes at a time, the spotlight is certainly on them. The Skippers' comedy has become so well known that's an oft-repeated myth that Steve Martin got his start in comedy performing as a Skipper. It's not actually true, as Martin worked in the magic shop.

Today, there are so many jokes that it’s impossible to hear them all in one trip, giving Jungle Cruise much of the re-rideability that Walt Disney wanted. Skippers are basically given a list of jokes they can use, but have the freedom within that list to say what they want, so each ride is something a little different.

The Jungle Cruise has continued to see regular updates, with the most recent Jungle Cruise refurbishment removing some of the attraction elements that haven't aged as well as others since the 1950s and '60s. We can expect changes to the ride to continue over time, but the attraction's focus as one of the more humorous parts of Disneyland seems all but assured to continue.

The jokes on Jungle Cruise are intentionally terrible, which, for many, makes them even funnier. Still, not everybody appreciates the humor. Emily Blunt apparently didn't love having to hear Dwayne Johnson deliver endless puns on the set of the Jungle Cruise movie . For others, however, the jokes are what keeps them coming back. 

CinemaBlend’s resident theme park junkie and amateur Disney historian, Dirk began writing for CinemaBlend as a freelancer in 2015 before joining the site full-time in 2018. He has previously held positions as a Staff Writer and Games Editor, but has more recently transformed his true passion into his job as the head of the site's Theme Park section. He has previously done freelance work for various gaming and technology sites. Prior to starting his second career as a writer he worked for 12 years in sales for various companies within the consumer electronics industry. He has a degree in political science from the University of California, Davis.  Is an armchair Imagineer, Epcot Stan, Future Club 33 Member.

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Disney Parks Presents: Jungle Cruise: Purchase Includes a CD with Narration! Hardcover – Picture Book, July 3, 2018

• Reading age 3 - 5 years
• Part of series Disney Parks Presents
• Print length 32 pages
• Language English
• Grade level Preschool - Kindergarten
• Dimensions 10.88 x 0.38 x 9.63 inches
• Publisher Disney Press
• Publication date July 3, 2018
• ISBN-10 1484709853
• ISBN-13 978-1484709856
• See all details

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• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Disney Press; Har/Com edition (July 3, 2018)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 32 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1484709853
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1484709856
• Reading age ‏ : ‎ 3 - 5 years
• Grade level ‏ : ‎ Preschool - Kindergarten
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.05 pounds
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 10.88 x 0.38 x 9.63 inches
• #1,242 in Children's Travel Books (Books)
• #2,156 in Children's Bird Books (Books)
• #19,673 in Children's Action & Adventure Books (Books)

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